So I met a guy, we'll call him Doug, because that's his real name. When you are this much of a turd you do not get protection dude.
Doug called me Sunday night, I was in a movie with a girlfriend, the message said "Hey Jewels, this is Doug.. i think you have a confession to make..gimme a call." I was already turned off, but had a 15 minute drive home and thought, what the hell??
Well Doug is apparently still stuck in 1993 because he had one of those voice mails... you know the one... where they go" Hello??.........Hello???........ Who is this?????? oh its just a machine".
Moron.
I did not leave a message, I hung up and said,"oh HELL NO".
Guess what friends, the universe did not let the story end there. Doug called me back just now. And Live Doug is SO much worse than voicemail Doug. The conversation went like this...
Doug : Hey stranger, what are you up to?
Me : Hey....um... laundry (as his number was NOT programmed in my phone and I had no clue who this was).
Doug : So I thought I'd call you back from last night...
Me : Oh... (clued in now)... so what is this confession I am supposed to make?
Doug : Funny story... maybe this has happened to you... I was getting out of the shower, and I saw someone peeking through the window... it was you wasn't it?
Me : um, is that your line?
Doug : No but it gets a call back.
Me: .....................
Doug : So you want to get together this week for coffee?
Me: Umm.....
Doug : Oh, hey that's my other line but I'll call you tomorrow and we'll make a date ok? Bye
Me: Ummmm.............
And he's gone. Seriously?? Guess who won't be drinking coffee with a guy named Doug this week?? Me.
Where do these people come from?!?! Is this all that's left?!?!?!
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16 comments:
lol. oh doug.
really?
....
and no he did NOT have the fake pickup message. where do you meet these creeptowns jules?
Oh yes HE DID have the fake pick up call.. that my DAD had in 1993. Seriously...
And coffee? I'm going to need something stronger than that to put up with "The Doug"
like a tranquilizer.....for him....
I say you give him a chance. And make a photoblog out of it. It'll be more amusing for us that way.
Brandon, contrary to popular belief, I am not here for your entertainment.
Poor, poor, no-game, non-mackin' Doug. The scary thing is, those lines probably worked on somebody. Glad ya stood strong and escaped with only a headache.
Julie, you really should consider being here for my entertainment. Think of the joy you'd bring me with such a blog entry. Photos, descriptions, details... it'd be an inside look of what girls really have to go through with those kinds of guys.
Plus, who knows, if you're lucky he'll offer you a "release".
I dated a super nice guy named Doug a few times. Evidently all of them aren't as nice...
You are a cutie patootie, and will find a super guy, no worries! What are you up to Thursday? We could scrounge up some more meat for your next blog...
:-D
George - Better them than me. Atleast I got a blog out of it.
Brandon- You've been sitting on that "release" comment for awhile now haven't you?
No amount of entertainment is worth dealing with Doug again. None.
VF - I would do HH with you thursday but no late nights! not on a school day!
i sadly, have to agree with brandon on this one.
i have to agree with brandong and blunt on this one...
i'm sorry but a blog reported date with dougbag promises to be very entertaning.
who knew that austin was also the douche capitol... this on the other hand is not promising at all.
oh jewles you have to contact this guy doug again! seriously! trust me if you do what i suggest it will be sooo funny (ok possibly funny) for everyone to enjoy... what you need to do is start calling doug and BE DOUG.
1) Program his number into your phone and/or assign a particular ring tone to him
2) if your phone has capability for it, you could also assign for the phone ring HE hears while calling YOU is something like "stop calling me...stop pressuring me..stop stalking me" etc... my friend used this one on a guy so funny.
3) keep making him feel like he has a chance but never NEVER be available.
4) leave messages like "oh im so bummed i missed your call, well talk to you later about that coffee"
5) leave voice mail messages on his phone "doug? hello? are you tehre? i dont think this phone is working eh its ok ill call that other guy Mike, lets see if this phone will work *dial numbers again so he hears the beeping* hellO? hello?? helloo??? DOUG?? you there??? say it like you are talking to him as if you were outside his house hehe freak him out a little.
he will never call you again.
urgh now i have to go through all that crap to get my comment posted..bloody blogspot!
hahaha susi..that one about the calling tone that only hassan used to hear - it still makes me laugh that i did that... poor guy! But seriously, susi will attest that i went out with both mine and her share of crazy, strange, odd guys.. Thankfully i aquired many a technique to eventually get rid of them...
But me thinks your dodging an odd bullet there.. Doug/dougie - imagine screaming that name out in the throes of passion!
I still say you go on a date with Doug. It can't be worse than last night's, but it could be way more funny. For us.
It was me spying on Doug when he was in the shower.
And from what I've seen (or rather what I almost saw until I fired up the microscope) it's a good call not to meet him for coffee.
He is hung like a dormouse.
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