Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I was 22 years old. My boyfriend (this would be the one with a manicure kit and no shine powder - that was a year of good decisions) was going home to see his parents for Easter - and he did NOT want me to go. I. Was. PISSED. So I did what any scorned 22 year old would do... I called one of my best friends who happened to live in Las Vegas and asked if she wanted a house guest for Easter Weekend. BEAT THAT entirely too feminine boyfriend. But I digress.
On the way home I chose the cheap flight, I mean I was a college kid living with her parents. The flight left shortly after midnight PST and arrived around 5am central, or "my time." My friend dropped me off and I waited for the boarding call at my gate, reading "The DaVinci Code" and staring at my bookmark photo of my boyfriend. I loved him, and he loved him too. A random, but good looking guy sat down next to me. He began with the typical "what are you reading" and we had a short conversation. He was also from Dallas... and on his way home from vacation.
Guy : You have fun?
Me : Yeah, you?
Guy : Yeah.. but I broke up with my girlfriend..
Me : Oh.. so you took a trip to Vegas?
Guy : No... on the trip... oh s**t there she is.
And then I looked up and got the death glare to end all death glares. Crap. Why me?!?!
I got up and in line for the plane... got in, took my seat. As I sit I hear bickering and I look up to realize Guy and his EX girlfriend are sitting next to each other (of course) and directly across the aisle from me one row up. More bickering ensues... I just continue on reading my book as the plane fills up and prepares for take off. I am completely engulfed in the story when their bickering volume rises
Girl : Hey.. .HEEEYYYYYYY... HELLO?!?!?
Naturally - my dumbass looks up..
Girl : YEAH - YOU WITCH (except is SOUNDED LIKE that - wasn't that word)!
Wait what!?!??! Is she talking to ME?!?! (As I do the cliche looking around and then finger pointing to yourself)
Girl : You wanna sleep with him? (and trust me I am making this PG and not sounding like duck) well i caught him in our room with some slut so you can have him!!!!
Me : uh. um, what? No...n..n...n...n... No. Um... No. I have a boyfriend
uncontrollable stuttering... part of me was thinking.. ok.. Where's Ashton?!?!
Her boyfriend is telling her to stop and "shhh-ing" her and everyone on the plane is looking. And the steward (funny term) aka my HERO - stops mid aisle, blocking the view to say "GREAT book" and proceeded to talk plot with me for a couple of minutes. God love him.
And for that, I will FOREVER love the "Davinci Code" and forever avoid the red eye home from Vegas. Nothing but crazies on there.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
1. Jessica Biel – because she ...well exists. WHY is anyone talking about her? I do not think she’s pretty and recent photos only make me think she needs a shower. I do not care if she is dating Justin Timberlake, Madonna, or beating Rihanna. Has she done anything in the last few years besides get naked in a supporting role or two?
2.Perez Hilton vs Miss California – I have not watched beauty pageants since childhood. I remember my friend Rebecca and I would get out pen and paper and snacks, and rate the girls as the show went on. Once we realized what morons they all were I stopped. However you can not see a single news program right now without hearing about the “Gay marriage question” asked by Perez and not answered to his liking. Now I love gay men (I even dated some of them), but Perez Hilton is a HORRIBLE representation of my dear gay friends. I think of my Mimi sitting in her living room and that is the only gay man she has probably ever seen and there he is ranting and calling Miss California a “dumb b*tch”. He is not helping the case with the Mimi’s of the world.
3. Susan Boyle. Does this really need an explanation? My co-worker and her husband illustrate it best.
Co-worker : “Honey come look – this is that amazing singer everyone is talking about Susan Boyle”
Husband : “Wow… she needs a makeover BAD”
Co-worker : “That IS the makeover”
4. Mia Farrow going on a hunger strike for Darfur. Seriously? I think it’s kind of cheap to take something you do anyway and say you are doing it for a cause. That’s like me saying I’m walking my dogs 3-4 times a day in protest of puppy mills. I do it anyway. It changes nothing. Look at the woman throughout the years, this is nothing new.
On the upside, it's been almost a week since I've heard how amazing Michelle Obama is. That may be a record.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I thought this would be an appropriate time to maybe direct some of you newer readers to some of my favorites. For you tried and true followers since the beginning, who doesn't pick up a good book and read it again?? You? Well Crap... catch ya next post then.
I hope you enjoy and I'll try to get out some new stuff for you soon!
My Now Former Omni-Present Neighbor
Some Random Additions To My Life's Knowledge
Thoughts and Happenings
I also felt the need to include a photo of one of my happiest days as a teenager that is brought up in the last blog "Thoughts and Happenings", that and because it makes me laugh. That was the best day ever. PS - I was 16 here... give me a break already.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Now Easter is less of a tradition with my family, and we are all perfectly ok with that. My dad recently broke his ankle and had to get 7 screws put in his leg. He is having a tough time getting around so it was an easy going Sunday.
I was sitting on my parents bed in between the two of them, on my mom's laptop. Dad gets his crutches up to go to the bathroom, which is directly to our right. As he nears the toilet my mom tells me (and I am so utterly grateful for this)...
"He doesn't close the door so you might want to look away"
Wow. You don't have to tell me twice.
We then did what any completely awesome Texas family would do for Easter dinner. We ordered Chuy's Tex Mex to go. My mom is a lover of Chili Rellenos. Now I don't expect everyone to know how to spell this or even to pronounce it, but if you work there I expect a little more than this....
Overall it was a nice little weekend with friends and family. Despite the fat lip I now have. I got in a fight this weekend. Now I'm not much of a fighter, and I always believe its best to just walk away. But this guy just would not back down and would NOT get out of my way. So we had a face off. The score?
Cement : 1
Jewels : 0
And no.. I do not want a rematch.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Doug called me Sunday night, I was in a movie with a girlfriend, the message said "Hey Jewels, this is Doug.. i think you have a confession to make..gimme a call." I was already turned off, but had a 15 minute drive home and thought, what the hell??
Well Doug is apparently still stuck in 1993 because he had one of those voice mails... you know the one... where they go" Hello??.........Hello???........ Who is this?????? oh its just a machine".
I did not leave a message, I hung up and said,"oh HELL NO".
Guess what friends, the universe did not let the story end there. Doug called me back just now. And Live Doug is SO much worse than voicemail Doug. The conversation went like this...
Doug : Hey stranger, what are you up to?
Me : Hey....um... laundry (as his number was NOT programmed in my phone and I had no clue who this was).
Doug : So I thought I'd call you back from last night...
Me : Oh... (clued in now)... so what is this confession I am supposed to make?
Doug : Funny story... maybe this has happened to you... I was getting out of the shower, and I saw someone peeking through the window... it was you wasn't it?
Me : um, is that your line?
Doug : No but it gets a call back.
Doug : So you want to get together this week for coffee?
Doug : Oh, hey that's my other line but I'll call you tomorrow and we'll make a date ok? Bye
And he's gone. Seriously?? Guess who won't be drinking coffee with a guy named Doug this week?? Me.
Where do these people come from?!?! Is this all that's left?!?!?!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Here is a recent conversation via “gchat” I had with, we’ll call him Sam. He is apparently a rather big fan of the rodeo – and I obviously, am not.
me: so i have never actually BEEN to a rodeo
do you actually go to the rodeo rodeo or is there other stuff to do?
me: so...guys lasso calves? or what?
Sam: tie-down roping.. yes
events are... bareback riding, bulldoggin', tie down roping, team roping, saddle bronc riding, barrel racing, and bull riding
Me: you may as well have spoken chinese
Sam: you grew up in Texas.. right?
Sam: and you dont knwo what rodeo is?! hard to believe
me: never went to the rodeo -
I know the basics
Sam: obviously not... i just told you the basics
me: i don't know the category's - i couldn't tell you what they were doing exactly or the terminology
i mean the bare basics. I know a guy rides a horse and lassos a calf and then there is bull riding...
theres something with barrels?
Sam: lasso is spanish...
they rope the calf
me: exactly - i know what you see on tv
thats about it
Sam: which all of the BASIC events i just listed are on tv almost nightly
me: I think you misunderstood me. I meant “on tv” as in with on “Without A Trace” they are solving a case where someone disappeared from a rodeo, or a lifetime movie based around a rodeo
As my bloggety friend Susi would say.... NEXT!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
So basically, an 8 pound dog runs my house. I admit it.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I'm sorry I don't recycle, they don't pick up at my place. But at work I do recycle paper in a box that my co-worker got for me, so see... thats something!
Ok, so today is St. Patrick's Day. I will admit, I know nothing of this holiday. Nothing except I must wear green and people drink incessantly...but mainly, I know I must wear green. Why do you text "Happy St Patty's Day" and put that on your facebook status? What is the occasion? And if there is one more "It's St Patrick's Day, be safe out there"... Really?!?!?! Seriously?!?!?
Frankly these little guys scare me. They make me think of Rumplestiltskin and him coming after my first born or my dog or something.
I do not have an inherent love for St. Patrick, don't know much about the guy, and as far as I know there is barely, if any Irish in my bloodline. I have never tried Guinness, and everyday is a day where one can drink beer in my family. Frankly I just don't want to deal with people.... people and the pinching.
Damn the pinching.
And the JUDGEMENT, who made you the "That's not green" fairy?
There is not one shade of green that everyone must wear or deal with the nail punctures and bruises that resort from pinching. All day I hear "That's turquoise" or "thats more of an aqua". Listen, you are a pincher, you probably have been since you were a kid, and you have a problem.
IT'S FREAKING GREEN!