It's Always Something....

I could NOT sleep last night. First I laid in bed from 10-2:30. Grace was curled up on my arm and facing me, it was sooo cute cause she was snoring (very lightly she’s 8 pounds). Love my pups. THEN I woke up. I heard this noise. It sounded like someone just saying “Here…..Here…..Here” like a broken record or something (this was around 3:30am), I looked at my phone to see if I hit something, nope. I kept hearing it and it sounded like it was getting closer and it was totally freaking me out. The dogs were barking and freaking out too – So I went and turned on the kitchen light and looked out the sliding glass door. There I see this old man, IN HIS BOXERS( my eyes!!!!) shaking keys or something.. I guess he lost his cat or dog? But I’m thinking, dude, at 3:30am? Hush. Walking back into my room I noticed I had fallen asleep with a white face mask on, and my hair was sticking out all over the place, I looked like something from a horror movie!!! I'm sure it wasn't pretty when I threw open the curtain and glared.... but the dogs kept on barking. I had to turn my TV on to drown him out so the dogs wouldn’t freak. I accidentally locked Wilson out of the bedroom and when I let him in I felt so bad and in a high pitched voice I said “awww… Wilson” so of course, he peed. This morning as I was leaving I rounded the corner and there is the same man, although luckily he has put denim shorts on this time and has his keys in hand. I feel bad for him, I mean it’s awful to lose a pet, I can’t even fathom what I would do. But seriously, 3am?????, and put some clothes on!

Thoughts and Happenings

Living on my own I was under the impression I would always get to watch what I wanted, never having to share the remote. Not so, I realized as my channel suddenly changed. Some may say it was an accidental coincidence, I'm not so sure.

Other things I thought about today -

Unless mandated by some form of uniform, sports team, holiday, or “in honor of” (cancer, aids, etc) day – I never wear orange, red or yellow.

When I was 4 or 5 years old I stole a tootsie roll (one of those vanilla ones) from Albertsons. My mom had my Dad take me back to the store and I had to apologize to the manager.

When my brother was 2 or 3, and I was 5 or 6, he was jumping on the bed. I told him he was going to get in trouble and he should stop. He did not. I therefore pulled him off the bed, and his leg broke. Whoops.

I would always bargain with my babysitters to stay up later. I now understand why that was so annoying.

I am petrified of snakes, petrified. I can not even look at a picture much less see one on tv or in the movies.

I put Parmesan cheese on my popcorn. (Which I currently can't have for another two weeks, man I miss popcorn)

At 16 my friends and I met N*SYNC at their hotel after a concert. I immediately called my mother, crying, saying “Mom, I met LANCE”. (of all people)

Almost any TV show in the world can get me as a regular, simply by having a weekend marathon. You sit down at 9am, and before you know it’s dark out, and you have no idea what just happened.

One week after my wisdom teeth removal I had my first solid food. I had a hamburger and fries from Wendy’s, it was painful, but SO WORTH IT.

I never eat anything after the "sell by" date. Yes I know it's ridiculous. But I don't.

I always wished, and sometimes still do, that I had the talent to write a novel. I think I have some great stories to tell, I’m no Tori Spelling, but I have issues too.

Normal Please?

This time last week I was getting home from work, with nachos and a glass of wine. Now I'm swishing warm salt water and pudding. You have no idea how badly I want me some nachos!

I am going back to work tomorrow, and actually REALLY excited about it. I haven't even driven since Wednesday night, I am ready to get going! And now I'm hearing at my follow up appointment this week I get a syringe to squirt water in the holes in my gums to get food out. Gee... doesn't that sound fun and uplifting?

In the meantime, I slept pretty much all day, with a marathon of Jon & Kate plus Eight in the background. I love that show. The crazy thing is she was my age, 27, when she was pregnant with those sextuplets. I can't even fathom!

I had a family issue over the past few days - I guess people can often surprise you in bad ways too. How do you rebuild from that? I'm not sure, I just know you have too - especially with family.

Writing this didn't help, I still want some nachos.

I Tried to Go it Alone

So every night since my surgery I have set an alarm, or had a friend wake me up to take a pain pill at the advised time. Yesterday I was feeling pretty decent, so last night, I tried to go it alone.

I do not advise this. While I slept 9 hours, I also woke up even more swollen than when I went to bed and in the pain I hadn't felt since the beginning. I have decided I am not ready to go rogue, I'm following the rules, I am taking all the medicines until my follow up on Thursday.

I took a shower today, that helped - and THANK YOU NICOLE - I ate some chicken noodle soup. Wow, did I miss the taste of chicken. However, it still hurts to open my mouth too much or to smile... kids - do this when they tell you to, you know when you are 16 and heal faster. Do not wait, it just gets worse.

My friends are still so awesome. They have been there for me all the time, and I know they would be even more if I needed them. Nicole with soup and a movie, Emily with the constant catering and company, Christina for the heating pad, Angela, Melissa and Faith with time and little gifts, and Michelle - the nurse - taking out the bloody gauze. You guys are AMAZING!

I don't know if I will take an extra recovery day tomorrow or not. I am trying to feel it as I go. I really am wanting to go back to work, yes I know how crazy that sounds, but I am. I am suffering from MAJOR cabin fever as I have not left my home since going in for the surgery Thursday morning. I would love to see people, and get dressed, and DO something outside this 600 square foot home of mine. However, I'm torn because I know first hand after last night what happens when I push myself too hard. I certainly do not want another day like this one.

Right now I think I'm just going to drink some water, eat some pudding, and pray for some guidance as what is best for me. I REALLY want to leave my home, but I don't want to be stuck here for any longer than necessary because I try to go it alone again.... time will tell! Hope to see you all soon!

Vanilla Pudding is My Best Friend

So its around 5am on Saturday morning, and I'm impressed I got 4 straight hours of sleep. Since my wisdom teeth came out that is the longest I have slept.

I had friends come by yesterday, Faith with magazines and soft foods, Melissa with gerber daisies, Angela with vanilla pudding, and Nicole with flowers. I have always known I talked to much, but after these visits I reached my limit. My whole mouth was sore, and the second I quit talking, it started to feel better. Thank goodness for Emily (my fabulous friend who stayed the night), my elementary knowledge of sign language, and vanilla pudding.

I have never been a pudding fan, just one of the things they suggest you get when you have your wisdom teeth out. I have eaten 11 cups of vanilla pudding thus far. It is the only thing I look forward to. In this situation, Jello vanilla pudding, is MY 6 pack.

I spent the last hours before bed last night using sign language to communicate with Emily, and I feel much better. I also ate macaroni and cheese which to any of you who have had your wisdom teeth out, know is awesome. Of course it's also frustrating because basically have to have one little noodle at a time. You never really appreciate the spoon or forkful you can normally take until you can barely open your mouth.

And wow - don't accidentally hit your teeth with the fork, its like the ripple effect in the water straight to the end.

I go back to work Monday, and I can already tell I am going to be lopsided with a huge swollen side... who's better looking than me?

Chipmunk Cheeks

So I had my wisdom teeth extracted yesterday. I'll spare the details, but I am sitting with a heating pad on the left side of my face at the moment. Apparently, I had a spider nerve around my bottom left tooth. That sucks, and it has ruined my dreams of a perfect recovery... however, I hear Alvin and the Chipmunks are hiring.

Glass half full right?

I am so amazed and humbled by my friends. First there was all the well wishes I received before hand, and those that called to check up. The rock stars here are Emily and Michelle. These two amaze me. The anesthesia and I did not get along post op - and after the vomiting had passed, I could not do or think of anything but the pain. There they were, literally taking bloody gauze out of my mouth, and replacing it, waking me up for pills, and wiping my drool. Who can ask for better friends than that?

Today Faith showed up with some soft food and just sat here while I slept, she had the day off and could have been home sleeping.

Friends are the most amazing gift, I'm sure you all know this. However, stop and think how far you'd go for them, because I know mine would go that far for me.

PS - still under the influence of drugs so forgive whatever errors persist.

I love Random

- My closet for the most part, consists only of shades of purple, pink, black, blue and green. I bought an orange shirt last week, we'll see if I wear it.

- It is incredibly flattering for a friend to turn to you in a time of need, and rather self gratifying to be there to help them out. On the other hand, there is nothing more humbling than when people line up to help YOU out.

- No matter how old they are, men are idiots. There is a guy who had asked me out for drinks, and I text messaged him Saturday night. I received back

"Actually, I'm on a date right now, want to chat tomorrow."

And before you ask, yes he did call. My opinion is two fold. 1. Do not ever tell a girl you are trying to date, that you are on a date. 2. I certainly am not going to put myself in the position to be the girl sitting across from that text message... if you know what I mean.

- My dogs are awesome, annoying, and one of the greatest joys in the world.

- I miss being around children on a daily basis. While it didn't exactly pay, being a nanny was the best job I ever had.

-I am scared stiff to get my wisdom teeth out this week. I have nightmares about it. My dentist told me at 16 that I needed them out before graduation. High school came, I assumed he meant college.....

- No matter what is going on, or what kind of mood I'm in, a little music comes on, and I dance, just for a second even, and that improves my mood(and confuses my dogs).This is my current "happy song."

A Hypothesis, Experiment, and Conclusion

I have decided, that at least in my limited experience, women's gyms do not work.

I joined an all women gym last spring. I went 3 to 4 times a week, if not more, and I enjoyed it ok. I didn't have to worry about looking stupid, or guys staring at me(whether it be in a flattering or ridiculing way). I went in considering this to be so much better than the pressure you feel when having the opposite sex around watching you.

My conclusion?

In my experience;

No pressure = No results

Everyday I recognize the women walking in, and everyday those women are doing the same workout routines. I have been a member 8 months now, seeing the same people. The realization came THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME! The only woman I have seen drop any weight, is the one who GAVE BIRTH!!

So, once my membership is over, I'm back to the co-ed world of grunting and inferiority complexes. At least that inspires me to move my ass and run faster, harder, and at a steeper incline so the hot guys don't think I'm a wuss. Inferiority for me = results.

This Time, Those Years

At this time in my childhood until the age of 13, I was in a light blue house with white shutters off a red dirt road in Mobile, Alabama. I was with my biological father, my stepmother Gina, and my brother and sister Justin and Jenna. I had only been there 6 days and 5 nights, and I was leaving in two short days. Then, I would be in a red and brown brick house, on a paved road, in Plano, TX. I would be with my Mom, the only DAD that I now know, and my brother and sister Trevor and Bethany.

This was my childhood, this was my normal.

The day after Christmas I did not see friends and share toys with my siblings. The day after Christmas I said goodbye to my family I had spent every moment with the last six months, and flew to the home of "my family" I hardly knew. Calling a man Dad who frightened me slightly, and commanded I say "yes sir" and "no ma'am" in military fashion, and hugging a brother and sister I hardly knew. There I had another Christmas, but I was the unwilling star. I was the only one with presents left from Santa, and everyone wanted to see "how much I'd grown." This "side's" grandparents rushed over, neighbors stopped by, all for the "Julie Show."

I just wanted my Mom.

New Years Day, my last day on that red dirt road, I am mixed with emotions of guilt - because I want to see my Mom, sadness - because I must leave this other family, and confusion- because I don't know what emotions its ok for me to show which "side".

These days still have a place in my head. It has been 14 years since the other "side" ceased to exist in my world(not by my choice, but their own). Yet December 26-January 2nd, and June 10 through July 21st, still send a strange feeling to my heart.

Do not misunderstand, I am thankful everyday that my parents divorced when I was a baby. My birth father was a controlling man, and the man my Mom is with now, who IS my Dad is amazing, he and my Mom are wonderful parents. But those memories, those feelings of obligation, of guilt and of confusion, they don't go away, they just get buried in the business of every day life.

14 years ago was the last time this little girl was on that red dirt road, and all she wanted was to go home.

Whats the basis?

What is the basis for the love stories? The romance novels? The stereotypical "chick flick"?

Does such a love exist? Can you really lock eyes with someone and feel that instant mutual attraction? Is it possible to spend a day with someone and each tell your respective friends that is the man/woman you are going to marry?

What is the basis for fairy tales? A true love unrequited, or just a hope and wish for something more?