Friday, February 6, 2009

Early Years....

13 is an amusing age in retrospect. So many things that I found to be absolutely humiliating at the time, I now consider hilarious.

My Dad does not get embarrassed. In fact, my Dad probably does things to TRY to be embarrassed just so he knows what it feels like, but to no avail.

I remember one day, when I was around 13, Dad and I went to the grocery store. We were walking in and just barely in the entry of the store when he noticed his shirt was untucked. Understand it does not matter where or the circumstances to my father, if his shirt is untucked, he must tuck it back in. Onlookers, be damned!! My Dad stops right where he is, unbuckles his belt, unbuttons his pants, then FULLY unzips his pants. Then, right there in the middle of the entryway he tucks his shirt back in. At 13, this appeared to take about 5 minutes, when in actually it was about one. Was the one minute necessary? Nope. Dad just saw the pained expression on my face and the flush creeping up my neck and thought it would be funny to drag out a bit.



I'll never forget, that as my Dad was doing this, a grocery store worker, a teenager, cute of course, was pushing in a line of carts. He stopped, looked at my Dad....looked at me, and said;

"Your life sucks doesn't it"

And then proceeded on.


PS - I'm 27, and my Dad still does this, I'm just no longer affected.... MUCH to his dismay might I add.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Get Your Hair Did

My poor neglected Pups. W&G have been walking around looking like abandoned rag-a-muffins. This bad Mama put her own hair needs in front of her own children's.

Mind you mine is a $7.99 box and they require $35 and a 30 minute commute - yeesh.
This is the kids "Before and Afters" ala any talk show where they give people makeovers.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Wilson. Wilson had long hair and a few mats around his face due to licking by his cohabitant. (Gracie not his mama.... sheesh people). Wilson likes getting attention, being loved, and choking himself on the end of his leash while pulling like a sled dog.













Next up we have Gracie. The culprit behind Wilson's matting issues. Gracie's hair had gotten so long you could not adequately see her face. Gracie likes any kind of people food she can get her paws on, growling at her Mama to play with the squeaky toys, and rubbing her smell on unsuspecting guests.












Thank you for stopping by, please remember to have your pets spayed or neutered.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Denial and Acceptance

Last night my friend Faith and I went to see "The Killers" concert. As we were sitting in the cheap aka radio winners aka FREE seats, drinking our beers, watching the opening band, we had a conversation via text.

(hey it was loud in there, it was easier than shouting)

It went a little something like this;

Faith : I was right earlier when I bet I wouldn't like this band

Me: I know, pick a style already

Faith: Maybe I'm just old

Me: No- we are not old. They aren't that good - I don't have time for this, come back when you have some hits.

Faith: I really don't like the prerecorded stuff.

Me: Hey we liked it with Ace of Base

Faith : But we were 9

Me : Damn.... we ARE old : (

Monday, February 2, 2009

An Attempt


I’m trying to have the courage that others show. Attacking such a public forum with such a personal issue is difficult. (Pinky inspires on this)

You write. You delete. You complete. You back space.

It’s frustration on top of rejection and depression. The frustration at my own inability to illustrate these thoughts.

What right do I have to complain? What right do I have to be unhappy?

I have no reason to feel the way I feel sometimes. I am so fortunate and so blessed.

But sometimes….

I stand, waiting for hours to pass, waiting for others to go away.

I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s like a cascade that dampens the spirit. The spirit that it takes days to build washes away in an instant. I find myself grasping for that confidence, that happiness that I just possessed, yet all I feel is the emptiness when it can’t be reached.

I am the happy, bubbly person. That is me, or that is the identity I protect and the persona I portray. It is not always a conscious effort, sometimes it is as if I am on auto pilot. My public display escapes my own evaluation, until another dictates to me "how great it is I am happy despite ______. "

There is a part that wants to say;

What do you know? It does bother me. It DOES affect me, and I am not always as happy as I appear. You don’t know me.

The other part says
I know right?? Look at me! I am so strong and unaffected!!

I ride the line like everyone else.

The worst part about the falter for me? Sometimes I have no reason why....

They're Baaa-aaack

Oh boy. This time of year always gets to me. The stress, the fear of leaving my home... it's just so much pressure!!!

Whether it's going to the grocery store, the book store, well frankly almost any other kind of store I always have the inward struggle.

Head down, do not look at them.

Would it really be so bad to get a box?

No, no, NO! keep walking, do not make eye contact, they can smell fear.

Thin mints are great in the freezer…

Aw, dude!!! – there’s one with pigtails, damn it!

GO GO GO GO!!!!

How is one supposed to lose ANY holiday weight with kids selling cookies on every corner?

And why do I feel this inward guilt that I'm treating them like homeless people? It's self preservation right? RIGHT?!?!??!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Dirty Dog

This morning I was getting ready for work with my audience in view. (My pups). Wilson disappeared from sight, and reappeared looking rather, well, “sheepish”. I feel funny saying this because… can you really describe a dog as sheepish? I can only assume Willie has done some dirty business, but I am in the middle of drying my hair, I’ll get to it in a second.

I turn back and Gracie has disappeared from sight. Great! Her too? What does the smell of poo make the other one have to go? Is Gracie just following suit?

I call Gracie, who reappears, not looking at all sheepish...in fact..she is licking her lips.

The 4 year old in me unleashed, sneered and let out a loud

“Ewwwww…. GROOO-deeeee”

And she’s the one of the two I PAID for.

Time To Change The Filter

I had a couple of friends over last night. We had some wine, dinner, and made a lackluster attempt to watch a movie. One of my friends was having filter issues yesterday and told us the hilarious story.

She was at her computer, and received this video. (Let me just interject here, while this is hilarious, I am ridiculously exhausted of having this song stuck in my head. And I don’t understand the obsession with this dance.)



Another girl was watching this video with her, and the "whoops" comment went as follows.

Random girl : >laughing< Oh well, that’s what I would look like trying to do that.

My friend : “That’s not true! You don’t have back hair!!”

Wow.

And scene.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

25 Things About Me

I did this on my facebook, so I thought I'd put it here for the heck of it.

Rules:Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1.I don’t watch movies, tv shows, or read books more than once except for a rare select few.
2.I don’t like odd numbers. Yet denominations of 5 are ok with me.
3.My parents divorced when I was a baby so until I was 13 I flew back and forth twice a year by myself. Every time I would cry, and almost every time I would be bumped to first class because of it. One of the stewardesses even became my pen pal for awhile.
4.I’m not sure where I stand on the whole issue of ghosts. I don’t necessarily believe they exist, but I don’t want them to prove they DO to me either.
5.Almost any show that runs a marathon on a Sunday can get me hooked. About a month ago I caught 3 episodes in a row of One Tree Hill on Soapnet, now I’m almost through Season 1 on netflix and I record it every time its on TV.
6.As a child I was 100% a cat person. When my Mom decided to get a “family dog” my sophomore year in high school, I snottily stated “I will not walk it, pet it, feed it, or clean up after it, I don’t want a dog.” Within one year that dog was sleeping with me in my bed, I now have two dogs of my own. No cats.
7.In 3rd grade I ditched my comforter and used my New Kids on The Block sleeping bag as my only bedding. It. Was. Awesome.
8.The best job I ever had, besides babysitting, was working at Radio Disney when I was 18-20 in the studio with the morning show DJ, Dean. We had a blast, I have never laughed so hard. I literally could not wait to get to work every day. I miss it.
9.Every single day I wish I had stayed in school and finished my degree even if it meant moving back in with my parents, I hope to do it sometime soon. (Finish my degree, not move back in with my parents)
10.The first big trip I ever took was to New York City with some of my middle school theatre people when I was between 7th and 8th grades. This trip solidified my best friend status with Becki. : )
11.My biological father has chosen not to be in my life since I was 13 years old. I still don’t know why, but I am a stronger person because of it, and have an amazing stepfather who is my Dad in every way that matters.
12.I accidentally injured my brother twice while trying to get him to behave. The first time he was jumping on the bed and when he wouldn’t stop, I pulled him down. He broke his leg. The second time he wouldn’t go to sleep and was harassing me so I pushed him and he hit his head on the dresser. He had to get multiple stitches. I still feel really guilty about both, but ironically I was trying to save him from injury or getting in trouble.
13.I have two facebook accounts. Everyone from my job started adding me as a friend, and I started getting work related “wall comments” and on the other side I was censoring other comments so my boss wouldn’t see. So I just completely separated the two.
14.I have had a “Yorkie” calendar every year for several years, and I still have them all. Why, I do not know, but I do.
15.I went to the NKOTB reunion show in October in San Antonio, and I bought a t-shirt that says “Property of Jonathan Knight”, I have never worn it, except once for about 30 minutes.
16.I have spent multiple evenings(not in succession) on rock musician Will Hoge’s tour bus. It was far more innocent than I imagined or had seen in movies.. Everyone just danced around and drank Lone Star and Jack Daniels (not mixed). There were about 10-15 people cramped in the front of the bus. Entertaining times none the less.
17.My two yorkies, Wilson and Gracie, are my children. They sleep in bed with me (usually under the covers), they lick my finished plate, and I talk to them daily.
18.The worst day of my entire life was when my grandpa, Pop, passed away. I was the only family member with my grandmother at the hospital at that time of day...when she got the news. Seeing someone lose their husband of 63 years that they had been with everyday since they were 19, is the most gut wrenching thing I have ever seen.
19.I have major commitment issues. I had 3 serious relationships in 4 years, with 2 of the 3 cheated on me. Therefore I have kind of shut off for the last couple of years, and focused on me.(Also see #11)
20.From 16-18 my best friend Becki and I probably spent around $1,000 being in the first 5 rows of NSYNC and Backstreet Boy concerts. And another $1,000 attending every other boyband show we could find within driving distance. Sure it may have been silly, but I still smile and think of my best friend every time I hear a song or think of it. That’s worth more than $2,000 to me.
21.In reference to #20 we met NSYNC in August of 1999 after we followed them to their hotel. For months after that the back of my binder was an 8x10 of me and Lance Bass. Of course he’s gay. This is probably a whole separate facet of my commitment issues in number 19.
22.I went to homecoming with Michael Urie when I was a sophomore, he is now doing awesome and on the ABC show Ugly Betty. However, every time he wears a dress on the show I get a phone call. Thanks dude. I had a HUGE crush on him in 9th and 10th grade : ).
23.One of my best friends, Tamara, I actually met in a Backstreet Boys chat room. Funny thing is it was a really fun story to tell guys who picked us up in bars in later years. They seemed to get a kick out of it.
24.To this day, even though I act very confident I am always astounded if people like me.
25.I am a very outgoing person and love going out and making new friends. However, I almost ALWAYS have anxiety issues and get shy on two occasions. One, before a first or sometimes second date. Two, on my birthday, I absolutely DESPISE having Happy Birthday sung to me. In fact when I was a kid and the wait staff at Cheddar’s came over to sing to me, I slid off the booth under the table.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Some Crazy Talk

You know, sometimes, and this is no lie, sometimes.... I wish I could drink the Kool-Aid. Sometimes I wish that I felt and believed all the hype about "hope, change and a better America." I don't, but man on occasion I wish I do.

Why?
- I would probably be happier in my naivete.
- The majority of my friends wouldn't view me as a "Crazy Republican"
- I wouldn't be so upset when I read or watched the news EVERY SINGLE DAY.
- I could have some amount of respect for Clooney, Penn, Sarandon, Damon, etc. and actually be able to stomach their movies/music again.
- I would truly think the government was going to improve in the next four years.


Just saying. Sometimes I wish I could drink the Kool-Aid.

Friday, January 23, 2009

It Only Took Three Days...

It Only Took Three Days

Three days and I’m fed up, disgusted, frightened, and just about ready to give up all resolve I had to try and respect this man. How does this sound like a good idea to ANYONE?? I feel like I’m beating my head against the wall here.

I just read this article;

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0109/17862.html

First of all; how is any generalization of “I won” reaching across the aisle and being bipartisan? Did I miss the day we changed the meaning of the word? Pelosi is so excited she doesn’t know what to do with herself, and America, America is being torn to shreds.

“The exchange arose as top House and Senate Republicans expressed concern to the president about the amount of spending in the package. They also raised red flags about a refundable tax credit that returns money to those who don’t pay income taxes, the sources said. The Republicans stressed that they want to include more middle class tax cuts in the package, citing their proposal to cut the two lowest tax rates — 15 percent and 10 percent — to ten percent and five percent, rather than issue the refundable credit Obama wants”

That just makes sense! Give a rate cut to those of us paying taxes INSTEAD of giving “refundable credits” (aka welfare, aka charity, aka hand outs) to those who do not even PAY taxes to begin with!

Second of all, with Obama canceling out Bush’s ban on overseas funding for groups that promote abortion, my tax dollars are being doubly misused!

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am PERSONALLY not a supporter of abortion. At the same time though, I would never tell another human being what to do, the choice is theirs. However, I do not feel that I should have to pay for anyone’s abortion against my will, ESPECIALLY people in FOREIGN COUNTRIES.
Good start Nobama… and I pray Lord, watch over us and our fine country created by our forefathers, and keep her strong in a time of such blatant disregard of what You stand for.