100 Posts

Wow, I'm 100 posts in and you people still READ IT! That is insane.. or you are... or you think I am, either way - I need to find a way to make money off of this. (No joke cause I need it).



I thought this would be an appropriate time to maybe direct some of you newer readers to some of my favorites. For you tried and true followers since the beginning, who doesn't pick up a good book and read it again?? You? Well Crap... catch ya next post then.



I hope you enjoy and I'll try to get out some new stuff for you soon!



My Now Former Omni-Present Neighbor



Creepy McCreeperson



Some Random Additions To My Life's Knowledge



Thoughts and Happenings



I also felt the need to include a photo of one of my happiest days as a teenager that is brought up in the last blog "Thoughts and Happenings", that and because it makes me laugh. That was the best day ever. PS - I was 16 here... give me a break already.

Does This Work For Anyone?!?!

So I met a guy, we'll call him Doug, because that's his real name. When you are this much of a turd you do not get protection dude.

Doug called me Sunday night, I was in a movie with a girlfriend, the message said "Hey Jewels, this is Doug.. i think you have a confession to make..gimme a call." I was already turned off, but had a 15 minute drive home and thought, what the hell??

Well Doug is apparently still stuck in 1993 because he had one of those voice mails... you know the one... where they go" Hello??.........Hello???........ Who is this?????? oh its just a machine".

Moron.

I did not leave a message, I hung up and said,"oh HELL NO".

Guess what friends, the universe did not let the story end there. Doug called me back just now. And Live Doug is SO much worse than voicemail Doug. The conversation went like this...

Doug : Hey stranger, what are you up to?

Me : Hey....um... laundry (as his number was NOT programmed in my phone and I had no clue who this was).

Doug : So I thought I'd call you back from last night...

Me : Oh... (clued in now)... so what is this confession I am supposed to make?

Doug : Funny story... maybe this has happened to you... I was getting out of the shower, and I saw someone peeking through the window... it was you wasn't it?

Me : um, is that your line?

Doug : No but it gets a call back.

Me: .....................

Doug : So you want to get together this week for coffee?

Me: Umm.....

Doug : Oh, hey that's my other line but I'll call you tomorrow and we'll make a date ok? Bye

Me: Ummmm.............

And he's gone. Seriously?? Guess who won't be drinking coffee with a guy named Doug this week?? Me.

Where do these people come from?!?! Is this all that's left?!?!?!

Cowgirl I Am Not

Alright, lets be honest here. You blow a date/meeting/chance with me, and the odds are there is going to be a blog about it. Consider me the Taylor Swift of blogging but with a little less notoriety and a lot less money. I especially don’t feel bad for those of you out there who KNOW I have a blog that discusses dating/men/boys yet you talk to me anyway. You had fair warning. Now normally I give it awhile, wait until it’s not so fresh, maybe they aren’t checking the blog anymore….but if you give me attitude.. and I’m low on blog material, it’s your time to SHINE my friend.

Here is a recent conversation via “gchat” I had with, we’ll call him Sam. He is apparently a rather big fan of the rodeo – and I obviously, am not.

me: so i have never actually BEEN to a rodeo
ever
do you actually go to the rodeo rodeo or is there other stuff to do?
Sam: both
me: so...guys lasso calves? or what?
Sam: tie-down roping.. yes
events are... bareback riding, bulldoggin', tie down roping, team roping, saddle bronc riding, barrel racing, and bull riding
Me: you may as well have spoken chinese
Sam: you grew up in Texas.. right?
me: yep
Sam: and you dont knwo what rodeo is?! hard to believe
me: never went to the rodeo -
I know the basics
Sam: obviously not... i just told you the basics
me: i don't know the category's - i couldn't tell you what they were doing exactly or the terminology
i mean the bare basics. I know a guy rides a horse and lassos a calf and then there is bull riding...
theres something with barrels?
Sam: lasso is spanish...
they rope the calf
me: exactly - i know what you see on tv
thats about it
Sam: which all of the BASIC events i just listed are on tv almost nightly
me: I think you misunderstood me. I meant “on tv” as in with on “Without A Trace” they are solving a case where someone disappeared from a rodeo, or a lifetime movie based around a rodeo

As my bloggety friend Susi would say.... NEXT!

Drinking and Texting

Ok, my name is Senseless Jewels and I have a problem. I am an alcohol induced texter.

I am not sure when it started, I do know I have improved. This is due to no effort of my drinking self, but by sober Jewels who deletes some numbers from her phone to avoid such embarrassment.

There are always two main instances...between an ex boyfriend, "short lived relationship", or a random make-out guy(PG thank you very much), or even just a POSSIBLE slight inkling of liking.. All rationalization is lost so pretty much everyone is fair game. (Please note on weekends this is after midnight, however on weekdays with happy hour anytime beyond 6pm is dangerous)

1. I text silly messages with no point such as "Whatcha up to?" or "How have you been?" to guys I really don't have feelings for. Maybe I just need a little ego boost or maybe I'm just bored and want someone to talk to.

2. I text said messages to guys who I previously dumped or ended things with but they still liked me. This is never good. This always,always ends up badly. This is not just a one night instance. This then reignites their hope that I have some interest, admittedly my fault. Then the next day I get the "so what day works for you for dinner this week?" CRAP!!!! Now I have to dump them, AGAIN!

Overall - laying in bed this morning after a fun night on the town with some fun friends, I was having the typical morning after reaction as I remembered texts I had sent. Please note not one of these girls stopped me. Not a one.

"ohhh... CRAP" as I bury my head under the covers.

I'm stopping. You all are my witnesses. What do I think is going to come out of this that is GOOD? All I get is to make fun of MYSELF, and frankly I MUCH prefer making fun of others.

Cabin Fever... Not the D List Movie

I know…. I left you, I’m sorry. I would promise you it will never happen again, but the odds are against us. I could tell you I’m never going to write again and that this means you must start viewing my site as much as possible to improve the world… but I don’t follow Obama’s Guidebook.

Because I respect you all and your intelligence, I’m going to tell it like it is. Folks, sometimes this darn thing gets lost in the shuffle of this craziness we call life, or for instances such as this past week, the common cold.

From Tuesday at 1pm until this fine Monday morning I left my home a grand total of 3 times, each with its own little gem to share, yet not enough energy at that time to articulate. I saved those little bits just for your entertainment whenever I was up and ready to go again...

#1. I went to see G Love and Special Sauce late Friday night. I know what you are thinking Mom “if you are too sick to go to school(I mean work… big girl now) you are too sick to go out". Well, normally I would agree, but this lesson of Mom’s falls to #2 behind not wasting money – as I had already shelled out $30 for my ticket. That’s 6 bottles of cheap red wine. I was going to that darn concert people. It was outdoors, no chairs, but I sat on the ground straight up until they took the stage. As the show progressed, I took note of my surroundings. I noticed two decent looking guys at our ten o’clock. Not bad. Not great, but comparatively they were doing fine. Along come “Paul and Steve”. Paul and Steve are the guys whose names you remember, if for no other reason than to be prepared to run like hell next time. Paul and Steve take the “I’m a dumb drunk ass who is going to get all up in your grill” approach. (Standing directly in front of my friend and I and then beer in hand saying “whoops sorry ladies..I’m Paul,…I’m Steve”). I then took the lame, but tried and true…approach of “oh look who it is over there” and running to the aforementioned decent looking boys at ten o’clock. There I stayed talking with the nice gentleman the rest of the show and enjoyed myself…well… sans a sad interruption compliments of Paul and Steve asking why I ran off… oh boys. As for the decent guys at ten o’clock – never got their name, but they were enjoyable for the half hour we chatted. Penn state, mechanical engineer, lives north of the city… see … I pay attention. You don’t ask my name I don’t ask yours. Moving on….

#2.A quick trip by a friend’s house to watch a movie. We watched “My Best Friend’s Girl” with Jason Biggs, Kate Hudson, and Dane Cook – there were some funny lines but I would not recommend it. Biggs was a one pie wonder…(side note – Brandon I apologize, I know how you feel about Dane Cook – I hope this little shout out helps heal the pain this outing has caused).

#3.Shopping. That’s right. As if things couldn’t get any worse with my “viral respiratory infection” (I know I know, it’s a cold but the technical term sounds harsher), I had to go shopping. I am going up to Dallas this weekend for a family wedding and I needed a dress. If you have learned anything about me in our short and limited time together you know my feelings about shopping…but I digress. I was in store #2. Marshall’s… aka Cheap People R Us. **TMI ALERT** This may be too much for some people but I’m going to keep it as appropriate as possible…scan on down if you can’t handle it and don’t say I didn’t warn you. I run to the women’s restroom before I start my ever dreaded shopping experience. I walk in the stall, lock the door… am going about my business when… out of freaking nowhere there is around a 4-5 year old little boy looking at me under the stall!! WTF!?!?! He is saying “Mom?? ….Mom…??” While STARING at ME- obviously not your mama kid…What does one do? I mean, I had already BEGUN here – so I just held my shoe up in his face…. I said “excuse me” a couple of times, but really… I was at a loss. After that I was ready to G.O. In typical Jewels fashion, tried on two dresses, one fit, on clearance (BOO-YAH), $20 – and home I go… back to my tissues and Dayquil.

Please know – I thought of you all the entire time (this is not true), and thought of how the blogosphere was doing with out me (this only because people asked me where I was)… I hope this long one begins to make up for my absence (don’t know don’t care… read it or don’t.. Obama hasn’t controlled blogs just yet..you still have time)…

Oh and I’m much better – seriously though, take care of yourself and watch out for little boys shooting long rows of snot – they are not your friend.