Cabin Fever... Not the D List Movie

I know…. I left you, I’m sorry. I would promise you it will never happen again, but the odds are against us. I could tell you I’m never going to write again and that this means you must start viewing my site as much as possible to improve the world… but I don’t follow Obama’s Guidebook.

Because I respect you all and your intelligence, I’m going to tell it like it is. Folks, sometimes this darn thing gets lost in the shuffle of this craziness we call life, or for instances such as this past week, the common cold.

From Tuesday at 1pm until this fine Monday morning I left my home a grand total of 3 times, each with its own little gem to share, yet not enough energy at that time to articulate. I saved those little bits just for your entertainment whenever I was up and ready to go again...

#1. I went to see G Love and Special Sauce late Friday night. I know what you are thinking Mom “if you are too sick to go to school(I mean work… big girl now) you are too sick to go out". Well, normally I would agree, but this lesson of Mom’s falls to #2 behind not wasting money – as I had already shelled out $30 for my ticket. That’s 6 bottles of cheap red wine. I was going to that darn concert people. It was outdoors, no chairs, but I sat on the ground straight up until they took the stage. As the show progressed, I took note of my surroundings. I noticed two decent looking guys at our ten o’clock. Not bad. Not great, but comparatively they were doing fine. Along come “Paul and Steve”. Paul and Steve are the guys whose names you remember, if for no other reason than to be prepared to run like hell next time. Paul and Steve take the “I’m a dumb drunk ass who is going to get all up in your grill” approach. (Standing directly in front of my friend and I and then beer in hand saying “whoops sorry ladies..I’m Paul,…I’m Steve”). I then took the lame, but tried and true…approach of “oh look who it is over there” and running to the aforementioned decent looking boys at ten o’clock. There I stayed talking with the nice gentleman the rest of the show and enjoyed myself…well… sans a sad interruption compliments of Paul and Steve asking why I ran off… oh boys. As for the decent guys at ten o’clock – never got their name, but they were enjoyable for the half hour we chatted. Penn state, mechanical engineer, lives north of the city… see … I pay attention. You don’t ask my name I don’t ask yours. Moving on….

#2.A quick trip by a friend’s house to watch a movie. We watched “My Best Friend’s Girl” with Jason Biggs, Kate Hudson, and Dane Cook – there were some funny lines but I would not recommend it. Biggs was a one pie wonder…(side note – Brandon I apologize, I know how you feel about Dane Cook – I hope this little shout out helps heal the pain this outing has caused).

#3.Shopping. That’s right. As if things couldn’t get any worse with my “viral respiratory infection” (I know I know, it’s a cold but the technical term sounds harsher), I had to go shopping. I am going up to Dallas this weekend for a family wedding and I needed a dress. If you have learned anything about me in our short and limited time together you know my feelings about shopping…but I digress. I was in store #2. Marshall’s… aka Cheap People R Us. **TMI ALERT** This may be too much for some people but I’m going to keep it as appropriate as possible…scan on down if you can’t handle it and don’t say I didn’t warn you. I run to the women’s restroom before I start my ever dreaded shopping experience. I walk in the stall, lock the door… am going about my business when… out of freaking nowhere there is around a 4-5 year old little boy looking at me under the stall!! WTF!?!?! He is saying “Mom?? ….Mom…??” While STARING at ME- obviously not your mama kid…What does one do? I mean, I had already BEGUN here – so I just held my shoe up in his face…. I said “excuse me” a couple of times, but really… I was at a loss. After that I was ready to G.O. In typical Jewels fashion, tried on two dresses, one fit, on clearance (BOO-YAH), $20 – and home I go… back to my tissues and Dayquil.

Please know – I thought of you all the entire time (this is not true), and thought of how the blogosphere was doing with out me (this only because people asked me where I was)… I hope this long one begins to make up for my absence (don’t know don’t care… read it or don’t.. Obama hasn’t controlled blogs just yet..you still have time)…

Oh and I’m much better – seriously though, take care of yourself and watch out for little boys shooting long rows of snot – they are not your friend.

Me vs The Mall

Sit down, prepare yourself, take a deep breath... I have something to tell you.


I hate shopping.


WHAT!?!??! I know, a girl that doesn't like shopping.. it's insanity.



It all started when I was a kid - aka I blame my mother. For the record Mom, (I know you read this) I don't really "blame" you - because of you I have more money and less credit card debt than other women who didn't have a mother like you growing up. As a child my Mom would take me to the mall, usually to Mervyn's. Everytime I saw something I liked and pointed to it the exchange went like this. Every. Time.


Me : ohhh....Mom I like that sweater, can I get it?


Mom: Wait till it's on sale.

Me: But...but?!?!? What if they don't have it then or it doesn't go on sale?


Mom: Then it wasn't meant to be.


My mother still says this.


Flash forward to present day ; it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to buy something that is not on sale. I walk into a store, disregard the "greeting" salesperson with a dismissive wave, and head directly for the back of the store- AKA - The Sale.


When shopping with friends, if they suggest I buy a full price item (e-gads!) I respond "I'll wait and see if it goes on sale"


I drive my friend Michelle crazy. Michelle loves to shop and feels completely at home in a mall. Our shopping trips together usually go along these lines...


Michelle and I enter the mall, and go to Express, where I need a pair of jeans. I do a quick walk through, try on a couple of pairs of jeans, opt for the one on sale (duh) and look for Michelle. Michelle is still making her rounds through the store decided what to try on. I tell her I will meet her at the next store, call me when she finishes.



I run to Victoria's Secret and grab what I need, Bath and Body Works for some soap and lotion, and Aldo for some work shoes. I check my phone, no word from Michelle. I go back to Express, where I find Michelle in the dressing room still trying things on. I wait patiently. She checks out.


Michelle : Ok, now where to?


Me: Well I'm done, so I'm going home, good times... same time next week?


Ergo, Michelle no longer likes shopping with me. No one does for that matter. I have to prey on new friends to get a shopping buddy, ones that don't know my reputation..


This is getting long so come back another time for some info on my other shopping flaw: aka: buyer's remorse. That's me, Jewels, the queen of same day returns.