I know…. I left you, I’m sorry. I would promise you it will never happen again, but the odds are against us. I could tell you I’m never going to write again and that this means you must start viewing my site as much as possible to improve the world… but I don’t follow Obama’s Guidebook.
Because I respect you all and your intelligence, I’m going to tell it like it is. Folks, sometimes this darn thing gets lost in the shuffle of this craziness we call life, or for instances such as this past week, the common cold.
From Tuesday at 1pm until this fine Monday morning I left my home a grand total of 3 times, each with its own little gem to share, yet not enough energy at that time to articulate. I saved those little bits just for your entertainment whenever I was up and ready to go again...
#1. I went to see G Love and Special Sauce late Friday night. I know what you are thinking Mom “if you are too sick to go to school(I mean work… big girl now) you are too sick to go out". Well, normally I would agree, but this lesson of Mom’s falls to #2 behind not wasting money – as I had already shelled out $30 for my ticket. That’s 6 bottles of cheap red wine. I was going to that darn concert people. It was outdoors, no chairs, but I sat on the ground straight up until they took the stage. As the show progressed, I took note of my surroundings. I noticed two decent looking guys at our ten o’clock. Not bad. Not great, but comparatively they were doing fine. Along come “Paul and Steve”. Paul and Steve are the guys whose names you remember, if for no other reason than to be prepared to run like hell next time. Paul and Steve take the “I’m a dumb drunk ass who is going to get all up in your grill” approach. (Standing directly in front of my friend and I and then beer in hand saying “whoops sorry ladies..I’m Paul,…I’m Steve”). I then took the lame, but tried and true…approach of “oh look who it is over there” and running to the aforementioned decent looking boys at ten o’clock. There I stayed talking with the nice gentleman the rest of the show and enjoyed myself…well… sans a sad interruption compliments of Paul and Steve asking why I ran off… oh boys. As for the decent guys at ten o’clock – never got their name, but they were enjoyable for the half hour we chatted. Penn state, mechanical engineer, lives north of the city… see … I pay attention. You don’t ask my name I don’t ask yours. Moving on….
#2.A quick trip by a friend’s house to watch a movie. We watched “My Best Friend’s Girl” with Jason Biggs, Kate Hudson, and Dane Cook – there were some funny lines but I would not recommend it. Biggs was a one pie wonder…(side note – Brandon I apologize, I know how you feel about Dane Cook – I hope this little shout out helps heal the pain this outing has caused).
#3.Shopping. That’s right. As if things couldn’t get any worse with my “viral respiratory infection” (I know I know, it’s a cold but the technical term sounds harsher), I had to go shopping. I am going up to Dallas this weekend for a family wedding and I needed a dress. If you have learned anything about me in our short and limited time together you know my feelings about shopping…but I digress. I was in store #2. Marshall’s… aka Cheap People R Us. **TMI ALERT** This may be too much for some people but I’m going to keep it as appropriate as possible…scan on down if you can’t handle it and don’t say I didn’t warn you. I run to the women’s restroom before I start my ever dreaded shopping experience. I walk in the stall, lock the door… am going about my business when… out of freaking nowhere there is around a 4-5 year old little boy looking at me under the stall!! WTF!?!?! He is saying “Mom?? ….Mom…??” While STARING at ME- obviously not your mama kid…What does one do? I mean, I had already BEGUN here – so I just held my shoe up in his face…. I said “excuse me” a couple of times, but really… I was at a loss. After that I was ready to G.O. In typical Jewels fashion, tried on two dresses, one fit, on clearance (BOO-YAH), $20 – and home I go… back to my tissues and Dayquil.
Please know – I thought of you all the entire time (this is not true), and thought of how the blogosphere was doing with out me (this only because people asked me where I was)… I hope this long one begins to make up for my absence (don’t know don’t care… read it or don’t.. Obama hasn’t controlled blogs just yet..you still have time)…
Oh and I’m much better – seriously though, take care of yourself and watch out for little boys shooting long rows of snot – they are not your friend.
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6 comments:
I'm sticking with my story that you were unable to handle my absence for the week and got sick, it just coincided all too well.
1) I still don't know what a "G Love" or "Special Sauce" is, it sounds almost like something you order from McDonald's. And $30 sounds a bit overpriced for such a thing. Regardless, you were supposed to be flattered by those two random boys using their best pick up lines to score some tail at the event, since they picked you and your friend of all the classy ladies in the crowd to go after.
2) No. Excuses. It's people like you watching movies like that that keep giving Dane Cook acting jobs, therefore contributing to the downfall of the movie industry, rather than watching a far superior movie instead. Next time go to Rotten Tomatoes and pick out something with a good rating.
3) Maybe the kid was curious? You're old enough to be his mom (you're going to hate me for saying that), so he could've also been confused. I doubt the $20 wedding dress find helped alleviate the painful experience, but I'm sure it didn't fully make up for it.
I guess the only good thing about you being absent from blogging while I was gone is that I didn't have much to catch up on when I did have time to log in. I appreciate it.
Brandon - we try to keep you modest but really, the world does revolve around you.
1. Look them up. Do it. Check out "Cold Beverage" or "Baby's Got Sauce" - do it. Now.
2. I use netflix and just click on whatever looks funny- I have no excuses - the first hour or so was funny - it was later that got bad.
3. I can now laugh at the kid with my shoe in his face - but at the time - and considering I was SHOPPING- NOT HAPPY.
And really- anything I can do to make your life easier. Happy to help.
And while old enough to be his mom - Very glad I'm not.
1. G love?
2. That movie sucked the big one.
3. 6 bottles? Shooooot. I could get about 10 outta that. Boone's farm here i come.
4. I was honest when I said i had no illegitimate children out there but apparently you were not.
1. Seriously people - look him up. He's fairly popular.
2.I hated everything past the first half hour. Kate Hudson - I am so disappointed in you.
3. I don't like my red wine carbonated Brit
4.not the mama -
Indeed I know G Love and the Special Sauce. Been listening to them since '94. Like his solo career too.
Jack Johnson wouldn't have a career without G Love.
And I wholeheartedly agree with the discontent toward Dane Cook. I don't find him remotely funny. Movies or stand up/stage antics. He should die in a fiery plane crash.
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