My (now former) Omnipresent Neighbor

I adore kids. I have baby-sat since I was 12 and at 26 continue to do so because I enjoy it. There have been a few kids that have tested my patience, but never one I actually RAN from. That is, until I bought my condo. It started out innocent enough with the little girl living next door. I would be out with Wilson and Gracie and she would stop by to pet them or say hi. She would often say “I love Yorkshire Terriers,” or “they are so cute.” One day I met her parents and told them their daughter was cute and smart, and I thought it was odd that they seemed surprised!

And then I learned why….

I swear, there are TWENTY of that one little girl. She is around every corner, at the mailboxes, on the stairs, riding her bike around the building, EVERYWHERE.. and she talks and talk and talks….. It got to the point where my neighbor and I would see her down the way and turn, change our course, or pick up to the pace to the point of a freaking sprint to avoid the kid. Being the kid lover I am, I started to feel guilty and tried to be kinder to her. Then one Sunday night, when I had 3 friends over, and Ernie too (neighbor’s dog), there was a knock on the door. Naturally all three dogs go crazy barking and running around, and we all pause the movie. I have no idea who could be at the door as my neighbor and two closest friends are there, and I can see no one through the peep hole. I open the door, and there stands the little girl. I say hi, and she says….

“Can Wilson and Gracie come out and play?”

Now, I was not aware that my dogs had friends in the neighborhood besides their pal Ernie, let alone that they could “go out and play.” Fortunately, in my speechless moment her mother grabbed her, apologized, and took her inside. After that incident said little girl was seen only once. Last Friday I was taking out my trash and she ran to keep up with me. She said “Can I ask you a question”, I said sure… her reply left me speechless again..

“Am I annoying?”

Naturally I said no. What was I going to do, tell an 8 year old grown ups ran when they saw her coming?? The next morning, this past Saturday, a miracle happened, THEY MOVED!!! No more little girl… or her 19 multiples. Wilson and Gracie suddenly have less to fear, and the condos are safe again.

Now, who's moving in next?!

The Pajama Effect.

After moving into my new condo, I began to notice a trend, a trend I tend to call the Pajama Effect. I have discovered that the only time I cross paths with my hot neighbor, are the times that are super good looking times for him, and super NOT so good looking times for me.

Examples

Run in #1 - 7am my two dogs wake me up to go out. Half asleep I put on my grandma style house shoes, and my glasses and with me eyes half closed drag outside. Hello hot guy.

Run in #2 - Some girls come over for a few drinks, which turn into "more than a few" drinks. Right before bed, hair askew, and mascara under-eyes I responsibly walk my dogs. Well, ...hello hot guy.

Run in #3 - At home sick and needing to take the trash out. I walk to trash to the dumpster between "getting sick" episodes and ... surprise... Hello Hot guy.

I have noted that the opposite effect is also in place. I am out in a swimsuit, or a nice cocktail dress and I hear footsteps.... I think to myself, YES, FINALLY he will see how I look when I'm not obliterated, half asleep or a mixture of the two. I turn, and its Well HELLO.............. super creepy guy.

Now I have learned to ATLEAST do a mirror check in the AM. Tame the hair, wipe the mascara out from under the eyes, and make sure i am not in the hideous house shoes. You can't be pretty all the time, but I never want to hear "well hello creepy girl."