Senseless Jewels

This is Why I Love Google

2010-09-21T18:33:00.000-05:00

So... I bet you were all on pins and needles this weekend waiting to find out how my love life orchestrated by friends was going.... Well I'll tell you.... not so hot.

When we left out we had 2 guys my friends liked, please refer to the previous blog for details.

Let me catch you up....

I'm going to start with Guy #2 - This guy felt the need to send 8 separate emails all with one sentence or question. Apparently, he skipped the part of elementary school where they teach you about PARAGRAPHS! There was a 2/3 vote and I was allowed to eliminate him from the running.

Now it gets creepy...

Guy #1, the 37 year old divorcee; Friday he asked if would could get together sometime and 2/3 friends were all excited like it was their date. One friend felt the same way I did... he seemed a bit pretentious. so Friday night I relied on my best friend Google. I used his profile screen name and the FIRST thing that pops up is his membership on another dating site. Fair enough, I'm sure people surf multiple sites from time to time... I clicked on the link. It had the same photo and the same "about me" from his profile and his last visit was 2 days ago. Standard I suppose? However the headline of said dating site got my attention...

"Helping single men find sexy Ukrainian and beautiful Russian girls since 1997. One of the best international marriage companies on the Internet."

Um...Man the flag pole people because we have a RED FLAG!

Needless to say... #1 has also been eliminated for the competition.

I must admit I did break a rule. I messaged someone on my own... totally against the rules ... but hey, his headline read "Never Done Time" - and that's just funny!

So far Losers - 2 My Friends - 0 and Google... you are always a winner to me!

And It Begins...

2010-09-16T18:25:00.000-05:00

And we're off. The profile my friends created is published and they are screening possible suitors left and right.

First of all, let me just say.... it is definitely a learning experience seeing yourself through your friends eyes. The pictures they chose... eh... not my favorite pictures. None of the photos are BAD, just not what I would have chosen. Then for profile questions.. Nothing like getting a call from your friend "hey, how tall are you?" haha. One friend even made some comment about me not liking cats...

Me : "What? I like cats!"

Friend : "Oh, I thought you said you didn't?"

Me : "I always pick up and play with your cats when I'm at your house!"

Friend "Oh.... I just figured you were being nice"

Informative!

The profile seems rather sparse to me, but it's fascinating the things that stick out to others... i.e. my love for Philly Cheesesteaks. Never really thought about it.....

And now comes the tricky part... the men...

Right now they have me emailing with 2 guys.

1. A 37 year old divorcee we will just refer to as "#1". Now I have never dated a divorced guy before, and frankly I am kind of opposed to it. Well.. except for that dinner date I was on recently where the guy said mid dinner "I told you I was married before right?".... Um...no... no you did not. I know great people are divorced, my mom has been divorced.. I guess I just have an idealistic view and want my marriage to be a first for my husband as well. Either way... I'm giving him a shot. Although his second email to me was "What is your sign" and his response was "our signs go well together, you are water and I'm earth". HUH?

2. A 34 year old single guy that has admittedly been on match for 4 years. What... he was just waiting for me? He immediately threw out the "you are beautiful" bit and talked about meeting up "downtown". Call me old fashioned (ironically on an online site) but I believe a "hey how are you" should go before "want to meet for a drink". BUT - this isn't my show...

So there you have it... our first two "trials" on this crazy journey... and what about the ones left behind thus far? An additional friend jumped on the band wagon and happily shared her opinions... "screen names" have been hidden to protect the "innocent".

c%904*& creeps me out with his one expression. I mean, what if his face is really stuck like that? Why did you wink at him?

That #njis87 also just needs to be deleted. Ew.

*hjd&… really. He’s older than my dad.

I’m sure I’ll have more, but that was all I could stomach for now.

Of course then everyone wanted to see the older guy... He's 46 and advertising he made $150k and owned his own company and downtown condo. My friend's initial reaction?

"OMG HE HAS MOOBS!"

I was not previously aware of that term.. but now I will forever think of that guy...

At least they aren't making me go out with him!

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

2010-09-15T12:24:00.003-05:00

I volunteered myself for an experiment. An experiment in which I have no say, no control, and no IDEA how it will turn out. It could be a hot mess, or it could be one of the greatest experiments ever.

Now... all of my single people out there... you know how everyone always acts about your dating life. So often I hear "you are always picking the wrong guys" "you are too picky" "You should give them a chance" "you are too judgemental", etc, etc, etc. I've heard it all. I am going to be 29 soon and I would LOVE to not have to hear "why aren't you married" ever again. I would also love to mention going somewhere with a friend and their significant other to my mother without her saying "ohhhhh... does he have any friends?".

So I had an idea....

I am "allowing" 3 friends of mine to run my dating life for ONE MONTH. Now, Millionaire Matchmakers they are not. One of the 3 has unsuccessfully set me up 3 times in the past. The other two were afraid to even attempt. (And no none of them are single themselves.. 2 are married and one is in a long term relationship). These are 3 friends who everyday give me advice or critique my love life (but I often ask, and love them for it). So if they think it's that easy... I'm giving them a shot....

That's right. 30 days. These 3 friends who know pretty much ALL about my dating life and the guys I have dated are being given free reign from today until October 15th.

How you ask?

A Match (God Help Me) profile that I am letting them create entirely on their own. They get to pick pictures, what the profile says, and I have NO SAY. I can't veto a photo, or if they divulge one of my embarrassing hobbies (ahem New kids on the Block Cruise)... this is their show. I am even letting them pick my date
s. Now of course they need to consult with me first about my schedule but otherwise... they are the matchmakers. I can not veto or suggest anyone.

Am I terrified? Absolutely! Do I have blackmail photos in preparation of them in case they decide to play some kind of cruel joke? You bet your ass.
We will see how it goes, I will keep you all posted by blogging about it over the next month.

Either way... after this someone will be saying "I Told you So!"

Wish me luck... sanity... and the power to relinquish the control!

The "My Cousin is Famous" Guy

2009-07-16T12:36:00.005-05:00

I met a guy, who within five minutes of conversation managed to throw in that his cousin was on a tv show, and starred in a movie. We are talking D-List actor here, but man was he proud. It was ALL he talked about... so I decided then and there, our "date" for Friday... not gonna do it... He also texts me CONSISTENTLY to the point I want to change my number. Here is this mornings conversation... my additional comments are in pink

Loser : How are you this morning

Me : Have a headache

Loser : I’m sorry I hope your head feels better, any idea why it hurts?

Me: Vodka. Hey – we found a good deal at a resort so we are going to make it a whole weekend so I need to reschedule Friday (reschedule aka blow you off and never see you EVER)

Loser: Sounds like fun where are ya’ll gonna stay at? Not telling you crazy stalker guy When would you like to try and meet up then? About 30 seconds past NEVER

Me : A resort in Houston :) resort …best western... potato ..potawto…early next week? I will call you Sunday when I get back in I will never ever ever call you or answer your text/calls again just didn’t want to be a b and have you show up...I'm not THAT mean

Loser : That’s cool! I am sure you girls will have fun. Looking forward to hearing from ya. Keep on looking cause your not going to We can meet up for dinner/drinks early next week. When I believe in global warming

Loser: So vodka, did you go out drinking last night?

Me: No – my neighbor came over :) notice I didn’t say female or she…

(I will include time on the next two cause I NEVER WROTE BACK and they are funny)

Loser: 11:16am : That’s cool I had gone to flying saucer with some friends

Loser : 12:21pm : So I was paying for it this morning pathetic attempt at contact. An hour later. you. Are. Insane. Sir.

GOOD LORD – I just laughed out loud at the second one. CRAZY I'm sure there are more to come. Ugh.

The Red Eye From Vegas

2009-04-28T20:54:00.003-05:00

Never take the red eye flight home from Vegas. Now pause. Take a moment to let your mind wander... it's probably all happened. All the more reason, to never take the red eye home from Vegas.

I was 22 years old. My boyfriend (this would be the one with a manicure kit and no shine powder - that was a year of good decisions) was going home to see his parents for Easter - and he did NOT want me to go. I. Was. PISSED. So I did what any scorned 22 year old would do... I called one of my best friends who happened to live in Las Vegas and asked if she wanted a house guest for Easter Weekend. BEAT THAT entirely too feminine boyfriend. But I digress.

On the way home I chose the cheap flight, I mean I was a college kid living with her parents. The flight left shortly after midnight PST and arrived around 5am central, or "my time." My friend dropped me off and I waited for the boarding call at my gate, reading "The DaVinci Code" and staring at my bookmark photo of my boyfriend. I loved him, and he loved him too. A random, but good looking guy sat down next to me. He began with the typical "what are you reading" and we had a short conversation. He was also from Dallas... and on his way home from vacation.

Guy : You have fun?
Me : Yeah, you?
Guy : Yeah.. but I broke up with my girlfriend..
Me : Oh.. so you took a trip to Vegas?
Guy : No... on the trip... oh s**t there she is.

And then I looked up and got the death glare to end all death glares. Crap. Why me?!?!

I got up and in line for the plane... got in, took my seat. As I sit I hear bickering and I look up to realize Guy and his EX girlfriend are sitting next to each other (of course) and directly across the aisle from me one row up. More bickering ensues... I just continue on reading my book as the plane fills up and prepares for take off. I am completely engulfed in the story when their bickering volume rises

Girl : Hey.. .HEEEYYYYYYY... HELLO?!?!?

Naturally - my dumbass looks up..

Girl : YEAH - YOU WITCH (except is SOUNDED LIKE that - wasn't that word)!
Wait what!?!??! Is she talking to ME?!?! (As I do the cliche looking around and then finger pointing to yourself)

Girl : You wanna sleep with him? (and trust me I am making this PG and not sounding like duck) well i caught him in our room with some slut so you can have him!!!!

Me : uh. um, what? No...n..n...n...n... No. Um... No. I have a boyfriend
uncontrollable stuttering... part of me was thinking.. ok.. Where's Ashton?!?!

Her boyfriend is telling her to stop and "shhh-ing" her and everyone on the plane is looking. And the steward (funny term) aka my HERO - stops mid aisle, blocking the view to say "GREAT book" and proceeded to talk plot with me for a couple of minutes. God love him.

And for that, I will FOREVER love the "Davinci Code" and forever avoid the red eye home from Vegas. Nothing but crazies on there.

Recent "News" I Find Annoying

2009-04-23T10:27:00.005-05:00

It's frustrating to see the same headlines on every channel, on every website, and photos of people I could really care less about with a headline under it. Here's just a taste of a these I find frustrating lately.

1. Jessica Biel – because she ...well exists. WHY is anyone talking about her? I do not think she’s pretty and recent photos only make me think she needs a shower. I do not care if she is dating Justin Timberlake, Madonna, or beating Rihanna. Has she done anything in the last few years besides get naked in a supporting role or two?

2.Perez Hilton vs Miss California – I have not watched beauty pageants since childhood. I remember my friend Rebecca and I would get out pen and paper and snacks, and rate the girls as the show went on. Once we realized what morons they all were I stopped. However you can not see a single news program right now without hearing about the “Gay marriage question” asked by Perez and not answered to his liking. Now I love gay men (I even dated some of them), but Perez Hilton is a HORRIBLE representation of my dear gay friends. I think of my Mimi sitting in her living room and that is the only gay man she has probably ever seen and there he is ranting and calling Miss California a “dumb b*tch”. He is not helping the case with the Mimi’s of the world.

3. Susan Boyle. Does this really need an explanation? My co-worker and her husband illustrate it best.
Co-worker : “Honey come look – this is that amazing singer everyone is talking about Susan Boyle”
Husband : “Wow… she needs a makeover BAD”
Co-worker : “That IS the makeover”

4. Mia Farrow going on a hunger strike for Darfur. Seriously? I think it’s kind of cheap to take something you do anyway and say you are doing it for a cause. That’s like me saying I’m walking my dogs 3-4 times a day in protest of puppy mills. I do it anyway. It changes nothing. Look at the woman throughout the years, this is nothing new.

On the upside, it's been almost a week since I've heard how amazing Michelle Obama is. That may be a record.

100 Posts

2009-04-22T14:35:00.006-05:00

Wow, I'm 100 posts in and you people still READ IT! That is insane.. or you are... or you think I am, either way - I need to find a way to make money off of this. (No joke cause I need it).

I thought this would be an appropriate time to maybe direct some of you newer readers to some of my favorites. For you tried and true followers since the beginning, who doesn't pick up a good book and read it again?? You? Well Crap... catch ya next post then.

I hope you enjoy and I'll try to get out some new stuff for you soon!

My Now Former Omni-Present Neighbor

Creepy McCreeperson

Some Random Additions To My Life's Knowledge

Thoughts and Happenings

I also felt the need to include a photo of one of my happiest days as a teenager that is brought up in the last blog "Thoughts and Happenings", that and because it makes me laugh. That was the best day ever. PS - I was 16 here... give me a break already.

Just Another Holiday With The Fam

2009-04-13T09:03:00.005-05:00

Every now and then I have flashbacks to one night of my youth, it mildly resembles the set up on a cheesy horror movie. Little girl gets out of bed in her floor length nightgown and peers out the door. The wind is banging the trees against the windows and there is barely any light in the hallway. I would peek around the corner, and then run with all my might into the bathroom, slam and lock the door. Phew. That was close. The same ritual to be repeated on the way back to my room, my heart was in my chest, I was petrified of seeing him...you know... the Easter Bunny. What was my childhood reasoning?? Any man made to wear a PASTEL bunny suit can not be a happy person. I would not get in his way.

Now Easter is less of a tradition with my family, and we are all perfectly ok with that. My dad recently broke his ankle and had to get 7 screws put in his leg. He is having a tough time getting around so it was an easy going Sunday.

I was sitting on my parents bed in between the two of them, on my mom's laptop. Dad gets his crutches up to go to the bathroom, which is directly to our right. As he nears the toilet my mom tells me (and I am so utterly grateful for this)...

"He doesn't close the door so you might want to look away"

Wow. You don't have to tell me twice.

We then did what any completely awesome Texas family would do for Easter dinner. We ordered Chuy's Tex Mex to go. My mom is a lover of Chili Rellenos. Now I don't expect everyone to know how to spell this or even to pronounce it, but if you work there I expect a little more than this....

Overall it was a nice little weekend with friends and family. Despite the fat lip I now have. I got in a fight this weekend. Now I'm not much of a fighter, and I always believe its best to just walk away. But this guy just would not back down and would NOT get out of my way. So we had a face off. The score?

Cement : 1

Jewels : 0

And no.. I do not want a rematch.

Does This Work For Anyone?!?!

2009-03-30T21:11:00.005-05:00

So I met a guy, we'll call him Doug, because that's his real name. When you are this much of a turd you do not get protection dude.

Doug called me Sunday night, I was in a movie with a girlfriend, the message said "Hey Jewels, this is Doug.. i think you have a confession to make..gimme a call." I was already turned off, but had a 15 minute drive home and thought, what the hell??

Well Doug is apparently still stuck in 1993 because he had one of those voice mails... you know the one... where they go" Hello??.........Hello???........ Who is this?????? oh its just a machine".

Moron.

I did not leave a message, I hung up and said,"oh HELL NO".

Guess what friends, the universe did not let the story end there. Doug called me back just now. And Live Doug is SO much worse than voicemail Doug. The conversation went like this...

Doug : Hey stranger, what are you up to?

Me : Hey....um... laundry (as his number was NOT programmed in my phone and I had no clue who this was).

Doug : So I thought I'd call you back from last night...

Me : Oh... (clued in now)... so what is this confession I am supposed to make?

Doug : Funny story... maybe this has happened to you... I was getting out of the shower, and I saw someone peeking through the window... it was you wasn't it?

Me : um, is that your line?

Doug : No but it gets a call back.

Me: .....................

Doug : So you want to get together this week for coffee?

Me: Umm.....

Doug : Oh, hey that's my other line but I'll call you tomorrow and we'll make a date ok? Bye

Me: Ummmm.............

And he's gone. Seriously?? Guess who won't be drinking coffee with a guy named Doug this week?? Me.

Where do these people come from?!?! Is this all that's left?!?!?!

Cowgirl I Am Not

2009-03-27T10:34:00.003-05:00

Alright, lets be honest here. You blow a date/meeting/chance with me, and the odds are there is going to be a blog about it. Consider me the Taylor Swift of blogging but with a little less notoriety and a lot less money. I especially don’t feel bad for those of you out there who KNOW I have a blog that discusses dating/men/boys yet you talk to me anyway. You had fair warning. Now normally I give it awhile, wait until it’s not so fresh, maybe they aren’t checking the blog anymore….but if you give me attitude.. and I’m low on blog material, it’s your time to SHINE my friend.

Here is a recent conversation via “gchat” I had with, we’ll call him Sam. He is apparently a rather big fan of the rodeo – and I obviously, am not.

me: so i have never actually BEEN to a rodeo
ever
do you actually go to the rodeo rodeo or is there other stuff to do?
Sam: both
me: so...guys lasso calves? or what?
Sam: tie-down roping.. yes
events are... bareback riding, bulldoggin', tie down roping, team roping, saddle bronc riding, barrel racing, and bull riding
Me: you may as well have spoken chinese
Sam: you grew up in Texas.. right?
me: yep
Sam: and you dont knwo what rodeo is?! hard to believe
me: never went to the rodeo -
I know the basics
Sam: obviously not... i just told you the basics
me: i don't know the category's - i couldn't tell you what they were doing exactly or the terminology
i mean the bare basics. I know a guy rides a horse and lassos a calf and then there is bull riding...
theres something with barrels?
Sam: lasso is spanish...
they rope the calf
me: exactly - i know what you see on tv
thats about it
Sam: which all of the BASIC events i just listed are on tv almost nightly
me: I think you misunderstood me. I meant “on tv” as in with on “Without A Trace” they are solving a case where someone disappeared from a rodeo, or a lifetime movie based around a rodeo

As my bloggety friend Susi would say.... NEXT!

Wilson's Weapon

2009-03-24T12:39:00.006-05:00

Now I may be the human, the money maker, the homeowner, the provider, however there is one instance where my dog Wilson clearly rules the home. This instance is ANY TIME I go to leave, and place them in their "room." That is Wilson there on the right, he looks innocent enough right?

I know you are all out there in blog world saying "you can't take on an eight pound dog?". No. No I can't. He has a weapon. He is well aware of that weapon and the power it provides, and let me tell you ... "cute little Wilson" is not afraid to use it.

This is his warning stance, aka "lock and load". I go to get him off the bed, and his legs open in DIRECT equivalence to the proximity of how close I am to him. The further I advance, the more widespread he becomes, and vice versa.

Wilson knows his "willie" is a powerful weapon, as the last thing I want is dog pee sprayed across my bed. (And he'll do it too). Every day I have to invent a new way to get him off the bed in peace so I can then proceed to pick him up off the hardwood floor and pluck him in his "room."

So basically, an 8 pound dog runs my house. I admit it.

Red Flags (consider yourself warned)

2009-03-19T21:10:00.013-05:00

We've all made mistakes in life. I made plenty in my love life and I'm probably going to make some more. My old pal Blunt Delivery gives some great advice on what to look for IN relationships. Here I would just like to address some early signs that I wish someone had warned me about before I get in those in the first place. Any more than one of these...and I advise you to draw a square, add a line on the side, and color it in red. That's right girls, the following 10 things that I have seen/experienced are definitely A RED FLAG!!!

1. Paisley shirts. No one should wear a paisley shirt but your Mimi, no one.

2. Make up. His very own No Shine powder. I think this speaks for itself.

3. A Manicure kit - Here's a tip, this isn't because he wants to do YOUR nails.

4. Uses the Term "Beeyotch" - NO straight man should use this term, a "biotch" to avoid the word or "B" is not appealing, but it's acceptable. Beeyotch, well..... NO.

5. Tanning. After a trip to the tanning salon (Him..not you, which is another red flag in itself.) - he says "I'm tanner than you"

6. Ego. 75% of the photos on his digital camera are portraits he took.... of HIMSELF

7. An obsession for Bernadette Peters. Don't know who she is? I didn't either. Look it up. You'll understand.

8. He refers to his mustang as "baby"

9. "Matchmaker" He's getting girls numbers "for his friends sweetie.." (no i didn't buy this one but people do)

10. Overzealous on his religion. I had a pretty religious boyfriend, whom after I said "that just hit me in the ass", he looked at me, tears in his eyes and said "You just drove the nails deeper into Christ's wrists" - I RAN... FAST.

Now - these may never happen to you, but over years of my collective dating experience here are just a few things I experienced.

These date way back, the more recent ones I need to give a little more time so maybe they won't be as sensitive or recognize themselves. Maybe you shouldn't write about that Jewels. No - I'm sorry, it's just too good. If someone hands you a 2 caret diamond you don't say "Oh I can't accept this due to the movie Blood Diamond and what happens in Africa." You just don't. (Well maybe you do but I wouldn't. It's there, the damage has already been done.

More red flags to come when the dust settles - and trust me, they are JUICY.

Going Green

2009-03-17T16:57:00.005-05:00

I tricked you my dear liberal minded friends!! You started reading! But, alas I do not mean environmentally green, but the literal action of wearing green.

I'm sorry I don't recycle, they don't pick up at my place. But at work I do recycle paper in a box that my co-worker got for me, so see... thats something!

Ok, so today is St. Patrick's Day. I will admit, I know nothing of this holiday. Nothing except I must wear green and people drink incessantly...but mainly, I know I must wear green. Why do you text "Happy St Patty's Day" and put that on your facebook status? What is the occasion? And if there is one more "It's St Patrick's Day, be safe out there"... Really?!?!?! Seriously?!?!?

Frankly these little guys scare me. They make me think of Rumplestiltskin and him coming after my first born or my dog or something.

I do not have an inherent love for St. Patrick, don't know much about the guy, and as far as I know there is barely, if any Irish in my bloodline. I have never tried Guinness, and everyday is a day where one can drink beer in my family. Frankly I just don't want to deal with people.... people and the pinching.

Damn the pinching.

And the JUDGEMENT, who made you the "That's not green" fairy?

There is not one shade of green that everyone must wear or deal with the nail punctures and bruises that resort from pinching. All day I hear "That's turquoise" or "thats more of an aqua". Listen, you are a pincher, you probably have been since you were a kid, and you have a problem.

IT'S FREAKING GREEN!

Drinking and Texting

2009-03-15T13:56:00.005-05:00

Ok, my name is Senseless Jewels and I have a problem. I am an alcohol induced texter.

I am not sure when it started, I do know I have improved. This is due to no effort of my drinking self, but by sober Jewels who deletes some numbers from her phone to avoid such embarrassment.

There are always two main instances...between an ex boyfriend, "short lived relationship", or a random make-out guy(PG thank you very much), or even just a POSSIBLE slight inkling of liking.. All rationalization is lost so pretty much everyone is fair game. (Please note on weekends this is after midnight, however on weekdays with happy hour anytime beyond 6pm is dangerous)

1. I text silly messages with no point such as "Whatcha up to?" or "How have you been?" to guys I really don't have feelings for. Maybe I just need a little ego boost or maybe I'm just bored and want someone to talk to.

2. I text said messages to guys who I previously dumped or ended things with but they still liked me. This is never good. This always,always ends up badly. This is not just a one night instance. This then reignites their hope that I have some interest, admittedly my fault. Then the next day I get the "so what day works for you for dinner this week?" CRAP!!!! Now I have to dump them, AGAIN!

Overall - laying in bed this morning after a fun night on the town with some fun friends, I was having the typical morning after reaction as I remembered texts I had sent. Please note not one of these girls stopped me. Not a one.

"ohhh... CRAP" as I bury my head under the covers.

I'm stopping. You all are my witnesses. What do I think is going to come out of this that is GOOD? All I get is to make fun of MYSELF, and frankly I MUCH prefer making fun of others.

Cat Fight

2009-03-13T11:34:00.001-05:00

I was reminded by a discussion in the comment section at my friend blunt delivery’s blog, of an elementary school argument that turned rather, well, embarrassing. I know – you are thinking what was NOT embarrassing about you in elementary school Jewels… well.. nothing. From my acid washed ruffle denim skirts, to my annual perm, I in no way escape ridicule. There was however, one unique incident I don’t think anyone else can claim…

The Cat Fight of 4th grade, with Katie G.

Katie was new in town the previous year and we became fast friends. We would spend the night at each other’s house and watch “Steel Magnolias” until the VHS tape wouldn’t work anymore. One night, Katie G was at my house staying over and we had a typical 4th grade fight. I don’t remember what it was about, only that we went to sleep mad at each other.

When we went to sleep I had evenly trimmed bangs, when I woke up, one side of my bangs were, for all intents and purposes, gone. They were maybe half an inch long sticking straight up.

After Katie went home my Mom and I were trying to figure out what happened, and somehow I came to the conclusion that Katie had freaking CUT my bangs. Oh man was I pissed.

Monday at recess I called her out. We were being called to line up to go back into class and were arguing again and I said “YOU CUT MY BANGS” . Katie of course denied it, whatever, I knew the truth. She was mad at me and took the scissors and cut my bangs. Fingers were pointed, words were said, feelings were hurt, and I looked ridiculous with a mini spike on the right front side of my head where said bangs used to be.

After that, obviously Katie and I were no longer friends. Months later, I was laying on the couch watching tv with my Mom. I felt a slight tickling and heard my Mom say “Oh crap”. I raised my eyes up, and standing over my on the couch cushion, EATING MY BANGS was my cat Angel (rip). Apparently she liked hair spray.

Whoops.

Sorry Katie G.

Wait Till Your Father Gets Home

2009-03-12T13:16:00.003-05:00

I have always feared my Mom more than my Dad. My Mom is used to the “strict father” and “sympathetic mother” that most of her generation grew up with. You know…the scary and threatening..

“Wait till your father gets home”

This was not quite how it was in my house.

Years ago, when I was in college and still living at home with my parents, I had some crazy times. I would leave to go out with friends, and either
A. Get home around 2:30-3am (3am meant there was a Whataburger run for some taquitos – or Jack in The Box – no way I could eat that now)
B. Not come home at all(get your mind out of the gutter I usually was crashed at a friends place)

Now if I didn’t come home I would receive the dreaded phone call between 6 and 7 am, it never failed.

Me : “Hello”

Mom: “ Where are you”

Me: “Becki’s (or Candace, Jamie, whatever friend I went out with the night before)

Mom : You need to get home NOW – your Dad is so mad – wait until he talks to you.

So I would get home, go straight to my room and try to avoid my parents at all cost. I would get ready and go off to school or work to avoid confrontation. My mom called to inform me I was to meet my Dad for lunch to talk about my behavior and how it has gone on long enough.

I get to the restaurant, and sit down with my Dad. Our food is ordered, and the talk begins.

Dad : Well… the mommy wants me to talk to you

Me : I know…

Dad: We just wanna know where you are….

Me: Ok.

Dad: Ok, ….. you need any money? Here’s a $20.

And that is it.

After leaving the restaurant and getting back to my office I get a phone call, caller Id says “Home”.

Mom : We’re going to need that $20 back.

Weekend Wrap Up

2009-03-09T15:43:00.006-05:00

As previously stated, I was at my parents home in North Dallas this weekend for a wedding. I spent 3 days and 3 nights up there and was going pretty much non-stop. I had a blast, some surprises, some yawns, some lessons, and generally a fun time throughout.

Some things I noted;

-It is fun to get a group of old high school friends together to talk about crazy things like vomit and snuggies. Not necessarily together, although entirely appropriate...

-I am still capable of getting home at 5:30 in the morning.

-My parents are still capable of REALLY REALLY disliking it when I get home at 5:30 in the morning.

-Never let a gay man with good taste give you beer in his home. You will like it, you will want it instead of domestic, and it will be expensive. Damn you Ryan and your Stella.

-All weddings should have a mandated alcohol supply. Seriously. I understand the joyous occasion but at least put BYOB on your invitation or something. Mini liquor bottles aren’t just for hotels and airplanes anymore! I just realized all things above involved alcohol…. All the more reason to always have it at weddings…

-A $60+ dollar tab for two people is WAY too much beer.

-Upon running into him, literally...I still feel slight embarrassment for those harassing "I like you" phone calls I made to Brian Finkelstein in 7th grade, chalk this up to "the people I didn't expect to see on Saturday night".

-Telling guys Tamara and I met in a Backstreet Boy chat room is still the best way to get rid of them EVER.

-The Tunacado at Ra in The Shops at Legacy is one of the best things I have EVER HAD.

-A party weekend is not best during Daylight Savings Time.

Overall, there is nothing better than reconnecting with tons of old friends for a weekend and feeling young again.... and now we get in less trouble....well.... sort of...

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm

2009-03-06T12:05:00.005-06:00

I am at my parents house for a wedding this weekend. I made the ever so exciting 3.5 hour drive last night and then went to bed in my brothers messy (understatement of the century) room. This morning, my Dad and my brother were kind enough to take my car to the family mechanic.

My Dad has always been a goofy absentminded guy, and whether intentionally or not, he is hilarious.

After my Dad and brother returned, I was letting the dogs in the backyard while talking to my brother and my Mom.

Mom : Where's your dad? Did he leave? (yelling) AL!!!!

Al: Here (this was coming from the next room)

So Mom walks off to him..... and then....

Mom : Where are your pants?

Now that's something you don't want to hear....

Oh boy.

Cabin Fever... Not the D List Movie

2009-03-02T16:23:00.002-06:00

I know…. I left you, I’m sorry. I would promise you it will never happen again, but the odds are against us. I could tell you I’m never going to write again and that this means you must start viewing my site as much as possible to improve the world… but I don’t follow Obama’s Guidebook.

Because I respect you all and your intelligence, I’m going to tell it like it is. Folks, sometimes this darn thing gets lost in the shuffle of this craziness we call life, or for instances such as this past week, the common cold.

From Tuesday at 1pm until this fine Monday morning I left my home a grand total of 3 times, each with its own little gem to share, yet not enough energy at that time to articulate. I saved those little bits just for your entertainment whenever I was up and ready to go again...

#1. I went to see G Love and Special Sauce late Friday night. I know what you are thinking Mom “if you are too sick to go to school(I mean work… big girl now) you are too sick to go out". Well, normally I would agree, but this lesson of Mom’s falls to #2 behind not wasting money – as I had already shelled out $30 for my ticket. That’s 6 bottles of cheap red wine. I was going to that darn concert people. It was outdoors, no chairs, but I sat on the ground straight up until they took the stage. As the show progressed, I took note of my surroundings. I noticed two decent looking guys at our ten o’clock. Not bad. Not great, but comparatively they were doing fine. Along come “Paul and Steve”. Paul and Steve are the guys whose names you remember, if for no other reason than to be prepared to run like hell next time. Paul and Steve take the “I’m a dumb drunk ass who is going to get all up in your grill” approach. (Standing directly in front of my friend and I and then beer in hand saying “whoops sorry ladies..I’m Paul,…I’m Steve”). I then took the lame, but tried and true…approach of “oh look who it is over there” and running to the aforementioned decent looking boys at ten o’clock. There I stayed talking with the nice gentleman the rest of the show and enjoyed myself…well… sans a sad interruption compliments of Paul and Steve asking why I ran off… oh boys. As for the decent guys at ten o’clock – never got their name, but they were enjoyable for the half hour we chatted. Penn state, mechanical engineer, lives north of the city… see … I pay attention. You don’t ask my name I don’t ask yours. Moving on….

#2.A quick trip by a friend’s house to watch a movie. We watched “My Best Friend’s Girl” with Jason Biggs, Kate Hudson, and Dane Cook – there were some funny lines but I would not recommend it. Biggs was a one pie wonder…(side note – Brandon I apologize, I know how you feel about Dane Cook – I hope this little shout out helps heal the pain this outing has caused).

#3.Shopping. That’s right. As if things couldn’t get any worse with my “viral respiratory infection” (I know I know, it’s a cold but the technical term sounds harsher), I had to go shopping. I am going up to Dallas this weekend for a family wedding and I needed a dress. If you have learned anything about me in our short and limited time together you know my feelings about shopping…but I digress. I was in store #2. Marshall’s… aka Cheap People R Us. **TMI ALERT** This may be too much for some people but I’m going to keep it as appropriate as possible…scan on down if you can’t handle it and don’t say I didn’t warn you. I run to the women’s restroom before I start my ever dreaded shopping experience. I walk in the stall, lock the door… am going about my business when… out of freaking nowhere there is around a 4-5 year old little boy looking at me under the stall!! WTF!?!?! He is saying “Mom?? ….Mom…??” While STARING at ME- obviously not your mama kid…What does one do? I mean, I had already BEGUN here – so I just held my shoe up in his face…. I said “excuse me” a couple of times, but really… I was at a loss. After that I was ready to G.O. In typical Jewels fashion, tried on two dresses, one fit, on clearance (BOO-YAH), $20 – and home I go… back to my tissues and Dayquil.

Please know – I thought of you all the entire time (this is not true), and thought of how the blogosphere was doing with out me (this only because people asked me where I was)… I hope this long one begins to make up for my absence (don’t know don’t care… read it or don’t.. Obama hasn’t controlled blogs just yet..you still have time)…

Oh and I’m much better – seriously though, take care of yourself and watch out for little boys shooting long rows of snot – they are not your friend.

Trying the Cliches

2009-02-24T18:57:00.004-06:00

Today is not a happy day for Jewels.... nope... Jewels is sick. I'm not entirely sure if it is allergies or a cold. Either way.... NOT. HAPPY.

I went to a children's arcade on Saturday for a 5 year old birthday party. I had a blast. Emily and I spent $20 paying skee ball, basketball, the stupid money wasting drop the coin in and see if you can knock coins out game, and some shoot em up fun. The negative here? One kid. One kid in the party room who sneezed the longest line of snot I have ever seen in my life. No joke, it was as tall as he was. At that exact moment I looked at my friend Emily and said

"oh sh*t"

It was that moment I knew I would probably end up sick.

So here I am, coughing my lungs up, body aching, and buying into every single "feel better" cliche there is because...hell....what else can I do?

I got my day time cold/flu syrup, my water, ginger ale, orange juice, chicken noodle soup, and hot tea with honey.

Surely if I combine it all something will work?

PS - Thanks to Angela and her awesomeness for designing and putting together the awesome header you see here!

PPS - Longest row of snot I have ever seen - EVER

My Single Ladies

2009-02-23T11:12:00.005-06:00

In referral to my previous post about some naive women, I thought it was only fair to give you some insight into a typical text/email conversation between my friend Faith and I about dating. Just for comparison's sake. (note this is actually copy and pasted in, word for word)

Faith : BUT- I have see him before. When Michele first told me about him, she had me look him up. He is cute

Me : Well there you go – you know you are dating so much its making me tired of dating. Lol. I don’t know how you do it.

Faith : Well, to be fair... I haven't really been on too many dates. Just 3.

Me : Well you are out meeting lots of boys – lol. 3 dates LAST WEEK. just kidding.

Faith: I approach a lot of them myself. I don't have the patience to play cat and mouse games.

me : - aww… aren’t they all?

Faith: I'm just shooting a gun in a barrel of fish.

me: For me, I feel like those fish I’m shooting at are minnows. Lol. amoebas maybe.

Faith : amoebas are kinda cute

me: Yet boogers to catch.

Faith: i laughed at the word boogers

Locker Room Talk

2009-02-20T15:32:00.005-06:00

So I went to the gym after work yesterday (yes, hell has frozen over, but only parts, don't get excited this is not a routine or anything...), and was in the locker room changing in behind the curtain in the small changing "area." Right outside the curtain I hear two women talking..

Woman 1 : Hey! I'm glad you made it today.

Woman2 : Me too. GUESS WHAT?!?! He actually called me last night!

Woman1: Really? Finally. What did he say?

Woman2 : Well he explained and said he was really sorry

Woman1 : Uh-huh (like she's agreeing, not said sarcastically)

Woman2 : And he said he didn't call me earlier because he didn't want to bother me at work and upset me when I had my meetings and everything...

Woman1 : Oh.... that makes sense.

Woman2: Then he told me he has only apologized like four or five times in his life and this was one of those times...

Woman1: Awwwwwww....

Woman2 : Yeah, I know! And he REALLY really meant it, I could hear how sorry he was in his voice...

Woman1 : Girl... that's great, so did he apply for that job?

Woman2 : No - he is going to take a few weeks and go to Florida and just figure out what he really wants to do and get his thoughts together and then come back and we'll be together.

Woman1: That may be just what he needs......

And then they walked out of the locker room....

Seriously?!??!?! I hope this girl doesn't sit at home crying months from now wondering what went wrong...

Maybe Minor, but Complaints Nonetheless

2009-02-19T09:06:00.004-06:00

There are several small things that are annoying me currently. There isn't anything I can do about them, besides vent to anyone who wants to read this. And yes, I know how minor and minuscule they are in the grand scheme of things, sometimes you just need to get it out.

1. Mi Casa. I am a homeowner, and I have NEVER had more problems in all the places I have rented than I am having now. For the approx. 5th time in less than 4 months, my condo complex does not have hot water. Apparently, I live in a dump. I'm not sure who I am supposed to blame here, my realtor, the developer, the plumber who can't seem to get it right, or the HOA that just raised my rate $35 a month and FOR WHAT?!?! All I know, is I have been washing my hair in an ice cold sink on the days that it decides to go out, which has been SINCE SATURDAY. Not. happy.

2. Work cleaning crew. I swear, the staff that cleans our offices at night must be in cahoots with the guy that owns the vending machines. Full, empty, or with my name on it, the cleaning crew always THROWS AWAY my water bottle every freaking night. I have to HIDE my own water bottle before I leave everyday! Ridiculous. And sometimes, well I am in a hurry and I forget, so I have to go buy yet ANOTHER water bottle out of the vending machine. Like I said.....cahoots.

3. Michelle Obama : Fashion Diva. WHAT?!?!?! I mean really, WHAT?! All they were talking about on the NEWS this morning is how this woman is single handily saving the economy and getting people buying new clothes. Yet this "Jason Wu" character who designed her inauguration gown is supposedly on PETA's radar for all the fur he has used. My annoyance/question here?? Where the hell is Ashley Judd on this?! I mean, isn't she due another commercial talking about how Michelle is endorsing the death of animals? Or does this only apply to republicans? I hate celebrities who delve into politics. Ugh.

I am sure there are many many more, but for now I am off to work... minor bumps in the road of life, but I think the air in my tires is already low.

Senseless Crushes Part 1

2009-02-18T09:39:00.011-06:00

Inspired by the comment section at my friend The Daily Elephant, I decided to coast through some of my young celebrity crushes. There are plenty. So we will cut them in half, this being "The Early Years".

The first celebrity crush I remember having.... was New Kids On The Block around 9 years old.. Oh man, I loved Jordan and Jon Knight. They were my favorites, I didn't care at all about the others. I had the sleeping bag, which I slept in daily, multiple t-shirts, the dolls, a book, tapes, VHS, etc. One summer my Mom surprised me with tickets to their show at Texas Stadium. My Dad took me. I remember being so excited all day, I even went and had my hair french braided and laid out all my New Kids t-shirts hoping to pick the right one. I KNEW, I mean I KNEW that once Jordan saw me it would be over. We go to the stadium and kept walking, and walking, and walking until we were at the very top. They looked like little ants and my Dad sat there holding his ears the entire time, but never complained. Man, I loved them. I still have my New Kids VHS, and ironically, just yesterday at the gym I saw a lady with a New Kids towel from 1990. (yes I know the year) No crush ever compared to my NKOTB love. Ever.

The next crush I remember, Elijah Wood. My love for Elijah began around "The Adventures of Huck Finn" and lasted through "The War." (Speaking of, when I moved last year some things never made it out of the trunk of my car, one of those things..."The War" soundtrack CD.) Elijah lost me with Flipper, but the in between was a wonderful time. I remember my friend Rebecca and I had a "letter notebook" with him on the cover. Do you remember the "letter notebook"? You would write your friend a note and hand them the notebook between classes, then they would write you a note, etc... no? Ok- back to Elijah. My friend Heather and I used to watch North over and over...worst movie ever. In January of 94 some friends and I gave him a 13th birthday party, we made a cake and watched his movies all day. We had a good thing going, and then Flipper came out......

Fortunately that same year of the terrible dolphin film, there was a ray of light by way of a bus. That's right, summer of 1994 was the time of "Speed" and the blossoming of my love for Keanu Reeves. I watched that movie over and over again and just thought he was the hottest thing ever. I was 13, he was 30. However, my parents are 20 years apart so I was 100% positive that I could make this thing with Keanu work. (Little side note of trivia, he is good friends with Joaquin Phoenix according to imdb.com, interesting). I also saw the movie "A Walk In The Clouds" and bought the soundtrack purely for him. However, I could never really get into any of his other movies, so he fell off my radar....

Somewhere in all of this young love and pre-teen angst there a fleeting crush on Party of Five star, Scott Wolf. He was engaged to Alyssa Milano at the time (that obviously worked out). That crush didn't last long, but he did earn a coveted spot on the aforementioned "letter notebook."

In 1995, my friend Rebecca and I were dropped off at the movie theatre by our parents to go see Casper. The movie starred Christina Ricci and Bill Pullman, and we enjoyed it. The last five minutes of the movie (this came out in 1995 people but just in case SPOILER ALERT) Casper gets to be "a live boy" for all of 5 minutes. Well the audience sees the back of his head as he walks down the stairs and then there is a very dramatic moment where you see his face. Rebecca and I sat through ALL of the credits just to find out his name, Devon Sawa. We then had my Mom drive us directly to the grocery store so we could search through Big Bop and Tiger Beat for his best photos. We then rented "Little Giants" with him in it. The most exciting moment of my Devon Sawa crush was when "Now and Then" came out. That all star movie with 4 women as children and grown ups with Rosie O'Donnell, Rita Wilson, Demi Moore, etc. Well there was a Devon Sawa BUTT SHOT!!! We were there on opening day, I later bought the movie.. and you guessed it... the soundtrack!

So there you go. Senseless Jewels senseless celebrity crushes up until age 14. There are also still holes in the wall in my old bedroom from where I stapled, tacked, and taped all of these fellas posters over my bed. My parents were good sports :). Prepare yourself, because 15 on is going to be a long one, I may even have to split it up into two more parts.

Who was your childhood crush?

Me vs The Mall

2009-02-16T07:39:00.000-06:00

Sit down, prepare yourself, take a deep breath... I have something to tell you.

I hate shopping.

WHAT!?!??! I know, a girl that doesn't like shopping.. it's insanity.

It all started when I was a kid - aka I blame my mother. For the record Mom, (I know you read this) I don't really "blame" you - because of you I have more money and less credit card debt than other women who didn't have a mother like you growing up. As a child my Mom would take me to the mall, usually to Mervyn's. Everytime I saw something I liked and pointed to it the exchange went like this. Every. Time.

Me : ohhh....Mom I like that sweater, can I get it?

Mom: Wait till it's on sale.

Me: But...but?!?!? What if they don't have it then or it doesn't go on sale?

Mom: Then it wasn't meant to be.

My mother still says this.

Flash forward to present day ; it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to buy something that is not on sale. I walk into a store, disregard the "greeting" salesperson with a dismissive wave, and head directly for the back of the store- AKA - The Sale.

When shopping with friends, if they suggest I buy a full price item (e-gads!) I respond "I'll wait and see if it goes on sale"

I drive my friend Michelle crazy. Michelle loves to shop and feels completely at home in a mall. Our shopping trips together usually go along these lines...

Michelle and I enter the mall, and go to Express, where I need a pair of jeans. I do a quick walk through, try on a couple of pairs of jeans, opt for the one on sale (duh) and look for Michelle. Michelle is still making her rounds through the store decided what to try on. I tell her I will meet her at the next store, call me when she finishes.

I run to Victoria's Secret and grab what I need, Bath and Body Works for some soap and lotion, and Aldo for some work shoes. I check my phone, no word from Michelle. I go back to Express, where I find Michelle in the dressing room still trying things on. I wait patiently. She checks out.

Michelle : Ok, now where to?

Me: Well I'm done, so I'm going home, good times... same time next week?

Ergo, Michelle no longer likes shopping with me. No one does for that matter. I have to prey on new friends to get a shopping buddy, ones that don't know my reputation..

This is getting long so come back another time for some info on my other shopping flaw: aka: buyer's remorse. That's me, Jewels, the queen of same day returns.

Ridiculous Gifts

2009-02-13T10:08:00.004-06:00

What is Your Most Ridiculous Gift Ever?

Valentine’s is a popular time for gift giving in relationships. Whether “he went to Jared” (ugh), or “every kiss begins with Kay” (vomit) influences your gift giving, or something else. The dumbest gift I ever received, was definitely in the category of “something else”.

My college boyfriend, we’ll call him Jeremy, had 3 jobs, he was an overachiever for sure. I was still living at home with my parents. Now, this is the times before the blessings that are DVR and Tivo came about. Jeremy often had to work nights and being the ever so kind, generous and thoughtful girlfriend I was, I would tape (yes tape, you know VHS in the VCR) his shows.

Now being in college, I was a wee bit needy (translation = yikes). For further clarification see previous blog. I would often tell Jeremy he needed to be more thoughtful in his gift giving and give me something “with meaning.” One week after class I was at his apartment

Jeremy : I have a gift for you!

Me : what? Really? Why?

Jeremy : Well you are always telling me to be more thoughtful – and I saw this and thought of you so I got it for you! (at this point Jeremy is visibly very excited and proud of himself)

Me: Awwww….. (in typical 19 year old gooey gushy fashion) let me see!!!

And from behind his back… with GREAT showmanship, he reveals.

VHS tapes.

Me:.........................................

Jeremy : So you can tape my shows!!!!

He was so proud of himself, and I realized thoughtful is just not in his vocabulary.

What is your most ridiculous gift ever? (Whether it be something you gave or received.. I am just an awesome gift giver so I have no bad given gifts to report here)

Watch Your Technological "crazy" Ladies

2009-02-11T14:04:00.002-06:00

Alright, let’s talk relationships peeps. (Not the candy peeps, because frankly those are disgusting, don’t talk to me if you like those.) My new bloggety blog friends and I have been having quite the go at it this week. Maybe it’s the new “He’s Just Not That Into You” movie, or maybe it’s the Anti-Valentine’s spirit running through our veins – but we have quite the amusing rhetoric going on….or at least we think so (or is it just me??). Check them out (after you read this of course) its worthy of your time, Senseless Jewels' honor.

The Daily Elephant

Whitty Diatribes

I have stated many the opinion on men in this forum, and much fewer in the arena of women, or advice directed at them. This is mainly because I’m single, happily, but still…. I question my egotistical need to advise you on your own love life. There is just something I can no longer keep quiet about. The conception (haha) of Myspace and Facebook has really added an entirely new dynamic. There is the competitive side in younger women that appears to come out,and by younger I mean college age. You know – when you are figuring your life out and you think the guy your dating is the only man for you and everyone else is out to ruin your happiness because you are Cinderella and they are JEALOUS!! Jealous I tell you!. Yes some of my friends date women in college, and then complain about them, in this instance – I just say a resounding “told you so” – hell I didn’t like ME in college. They some crazy biotches!

Below are just a select few things that i have heard fights, issues, and concerns about;

1.The ever popular “relationship status.” Should you change your status first or wait for him to change it…..should you ask him why he hasn’t changed his yet? Why does his say single now instead of in a relationship… is he breaking up with you? OH THE HUMANITY!!! (Ugh… this is why I have NO status on mine…aka nun-ya business)

2.His other “friends”. This ones a doozy – who is the girl commenting on your profile? Have you ever made out with her??? Does she still love you? What did you write on her page I can’t see it its private. (Holy hell batman – this is a bat signal if I have ever seen one)

3.The territory. This one is my personal favorite. You can spot these a mile away- you have probably seen them on some peoples profiles, it’s the ever desperate, territory marking. This is the random “I love you so much” or the “I had the best time with you tonight boyfriend”, and pretty much any constant mention of “boyfriend, lover, honey bear, etc” that pops up randomly throughout your page. Um – don’t you talk every day? Can’t you say this, I don’t know… to them?!?!? What is this?!?!

That’s right guys – that is your girlfriend....peeing on you. Marking the territory.

So – ladies – I know relationships are harder in the face of technology – but lets spray some “Oust” and try to at least cover up the reek of desperation….k??? If a single girl can see it, so can your boyfriend….

Judgement Call

2009-02-10T12:20:00.004-06:00

I don’t know where I find these people.

Last week I had what we will chalk up to a bad date. Often my friends(and my Mom) tell me I am too quick to judge guys I go out with and should give people second chances, what do you think?

Here are just a few issues.

1.He was a meathead. And by this I mean, he looked like Mr Incredible. Not “damn, he is good looking” incredible, but like the animated character by Disney. What possesses men to work out to extent that their chest crosses a threshold before the rest of their body?! What?!?!

2.He doesn’t watch or read the news. “It’s too time consuming and depressing.” Ok, I’m not telling you to subscribe to the Wall Street Journal or listen to NPR, I’m just asking for some intelligent conversation about what is going on in the world.

3.Direct quote “I don’t vote.” That’s just ridiculous. I have nothing more on this. In fact – I’m surprised I have more issues because after this I shut down.

4. The basis of the majority of his conversations consisted of how many “house parties” he has a year, how he loves “to entertain” and bragging about how many noise violation citations he has received.

5.The only music, television, or movie reference he made in the entire two hours was “Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle”

Call me judgmental if you want, personally I think I made the right call on NOT seeing this one again.

This One's For The Boys

2009-02-09T09:35:00.005-06:00

Boys - I have some advice for you. Now this stuff if pretty valuable. I don't know if you have heard, but I am pretty awesome. That's right, your humble Senseless Jewels has been declared right up there with grated Parmesan in writing. (Can I just say I love me some grated Parmesan? Especially with a little pasta? To be put in the same category is an honor..I'd like to thank my parents, my dogs, my.......ok you get it)

Alright - I'm giving you this advice for free, so take it in. It has been brought to my attention both about myself and my friends complaining about other girls as well....

The Blackberry** issue. **Sub ipod, phone, cell, etc if needed**

I have been told I was not nice or rude when a guy was talking to me because I was texting away on my Blackberry. I have had my guy friends complain about their date because;

"She was playing around on her Blackberry the whole time"

Boys - this is going to hurt.

She is not the one with the problem.

YOU ARE.

That's right, to reference the now #1 movie boys - this means "She's Just Not That Into You."

I don't care what she says, what friend is having a bad day, what work must be taken care of, this is a HUGE "get lost". The girl does not have a Blackberry problem, she has a "I'm on a boring date problem" - boring date meaning YOU SIR!!!

Sometimes, it's easier for us to act busy than to say "look, you're a tool - move along". Besides, we may get a free drink or two out of you..... what you want me to lie about that??

Take my free hint here fellas... the next one I may charge for, simply because of my now documented awesomeness.

Early Years....

2009-02-06T08:52:00.007-06:00

13 is an amusing age in retrospect. So many things that I found to be absolutely humiliating at the time, I now consider hilarious.

My Dad does not get embarrassed. In fact, my Dad probably does things to TRY to be embarrassed just so he knows what it feels like, but to no avail.

I remember one day, when I was around 13, Dad and I went to the grocery store. We were walking in and just barely in the entry of the store when he noticed his shirt was untucked. Understand it does not matter where or the circumstances to my father, if his shirt is untucked, he must tuck it back in. Onlookers, be damned!! My Dad stops right where he is, unbuckles his belt, unbuttons his pants, then FULLY unzips his pants. Then, right there in the middle of the entryway he tucks his shirt back in. At 13, this appeared to take about 5 minutes, when in actually it was about one. Was the one minute necessary? Nope. Dad just saw the pained expression on my face and the flush creeping up my neck and thought it would be funny to drag out a bit.

I'll never forget, that as my Dad was doing this, a grocery store worker, a teenager, cute of course, was pushing in a line of carts. He stopped, looked at my Dad....looked at me, and said;

"Your life sucks doesn't it"

And then proceeded on.

PS - I'm 27, and my Dad still does this, I'm just no longer affected.... MUCH to his dismay might I add.

Get Your Hair Did

2009-02-05T14:18:00.011-06:00

My poor neglected Pups. W&G have been walking around looking like abandoned rag-a-muffins. This bad Mama put her own hair needs in front of her own children's.

Mind you mine is a $7.99 box and they require $35 and a 30 minute commute - yeesh.

This is the kids "Before and Afters" ala any talk show where they give people makeovers.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Wilson. Wilson had long hair and a few mats around his face due to licking by his cohabitant. (Gracie not his mama.... sheesh people). Wilson likes getting attention, being loved, and choking himself on the end of his leash while pulling like a sled dog.

Next up we have Gracie. The culprit behind Wilson's matting issues. Gracie's hair had gotten so long you could not adequately see her face. Gracie likes any kind of people food she can get her paws on, growling at her Mama to play with the squeaky toys, and rubbing her smell on unsuspecting guests.

Thank you for stopping by, please remember to have your pets spayed or neutered.

Denial and Acceptance

2009-02-04T16:43:00.003-06:00

Last night my friend Faith and I went to see "The Killers" concert. As we were sitting in the cheap aka radio winners aka FREE seats, drinking our beers, watching the opening band, we had a conversation via text.

(hey it was loud in there, it was easier than shouting)

It went a little something like this;

Faith : I was right earlier when I bet I wouldn't like this band

Me: I know, pick a style already

Faith: Maybe I'm just old

Me: No- we are not old. They aren't that good - I don't have time for this, come back when you have some hits.

Faith: I really don't like the prerecorded stuff.

Me: Hey we liked it with Ace of Base

Faith : But we were 9

Me : Damn.... we ARE old : (

An Attempt

2009-02-02T15:28:00.004-06:00

I’m trying to have the courage that others show. Attacking such a public forum with such a personal issue is difficult. (Pinky inspires on this)

You write. You delete. You complete. You back space.

It’s frustration on top of rejection and depression. The frustration at my own inability to illustrate these thoughts.

What right do I have to complain? What right do I have to be unhappy?

I have no reason to feel the way I feel sometimes. I am so fortunate and so blessed.

But sometimes….

I stand, waiting for hours to pass, waiting for others to go away.

I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s like a cascade that dampens the spirit. The spirit that it takes days to build washes away in an instant. I find myself grasping for that confidence, that happiness that I just possessed, yet all I feel is the emptiness when it can’t be reached.

I am the happy, bubbly person. That is me, or that is the identity I protect and the persona I portray. It is not always a conscious effort, sometimes it is as if I am on auto pilot. My public display escapes my own evaluation, until another dictates to me "how great it is I am happy despite ______. "

There is a part that wants to say;

What do you know? It does bother me. It DOES affect me, and I am not always as happy as I appear. You don’t know me.

The other part says
I know right?? Look at me! I am so strong and unaffected!!

I ride the line like everyone else.

The worst part about the falter for me? Sometimes I have no reason why....

They're Baaa-aaack

2009-02-02T10:51:00.005-06:00

Oh boy. This time of year always gets to me. The stress, the fear of leaving my home... it's just so much pressure!!!

Whether it's going to the grocery store, the book store, well frankly almost any other kind of store I always have the inward struggle.

Head down, do not look at them.

Would it really be so bad to get a box?

No, no, NO! keep walking, do not make eye contact, they can smell fear.

Thin mints are great in the freezer…

Aw, dude!!! – there’s one with pigtails, damn it!

GO GO GO GO!!!!

How is one supposed to lose ANY holiday weight with kids selling cookies on every corner?

And why do I feel this inward guilt that I'm treating them like homeless people? It's self preservation right? RIGHT?!?!??!

Dirty Dog

2009-01-30T15:19:00.003-06:00

This morning I was getting ready for work with my audience in view. (My pups). Wilson disappeared from sight, and reappeared looking rather, well, “sheepish”. I feel funny saying this because… can you really describe a dog as sheepish? I can only assume Willie has done some dirty business, but I am in the middle of drying my hair, I’ll get to it in a second.

I turn back and Gracie has disappeared from sight. Great! Her too? What does the smell of poo make the other one have to go? Is Gracie just following suit?

I call Gracie, who reappears, not looking at all sheepish...in fact..she is licking her lips.

The 4 year old in me unleashed, sneered and let out a loud

“Ewwwww…. GROOO-deeeee”

And she’s the one of the two I PAID for.

Time To Change The Filter

2009-01-30T12:05:00.003-06:00

I had a couple of friends over last night. We had some wine, dinner, and made a lackluster attempt to watch a movie. One of my friends was having filter issues yesterday and told us the hilarious story.

She was at her computer, and received this video. (Let me just interject here, while this is hilarious, I am ridiculously exhausted of having this song stuck in my head. And I don’t understand the obsession with this dance.)

Another girl was watching this video with her, and the "whoops" comment went as follows.

Random girl : >laughing< Oh well, that’s what I would look like trying to do that.

My friend : “That’s not true! You don’t have back hair!!”

Wow.

And scene.

25 Things About Me

2009-01-28T16:08:00.003-06:00

I did this on my facebook, so I thought I'd put it here for the heck of it.

Rules:Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1.I don’t watch movies, tv shows, or read books more than once except for a rare select few.
2.I don’t like odd numbers. Yet denominations of 5 are ok with me.
3.My parents divorced when I was a baby so until I was 13 I flew back and forth twice a year by myself. Every time I would cry, and almost every time I would be bumped to first class because of it. One of the stewardesses even became my pen pal for awhile.
4.I’m not sure where I stand on the whole issue of ghosts. I don’t necessarily believe they exist, but I don’t want them to prove they DO to me either.
5.Almost any show that runs a marathon on a Sunday can get me hooked. About a month ago I caught 3 episodes in a row of One Tree Hill on Soapnet, now I’m almost through Season 1 on netflix and I record it every time its on TV.
6.As a child I was 100% a cat person. When my Mom decided to get a “family dog” my sophomore year in high school, I snottily stated “I will not walk it, pet it, feed it, or clean up after it, I don’t want a dog.” Within one year that dog was sleeping with me in my bed, I now have two dogs of my own. No cats.
7.In 3rd grade I ditched my comforter and used my New Kids on The Block sleeping bag as my only bedding. It. Was. Awesome.
8.The best job I ever had, besides babysitting, was working at Radio Disney when I was 18-20 in the studio with the morning show DJ, Dean. We had a blast, I have never laughed so hard. I literally could not wait to get to work every day. I miss it.
9.Every single day I wish I had stayed in school and finished my degree even if it meant moving back in with my parents, I hope to do it sometime soon. (Finish my degree, not move back in with my parents)
10.The first big trip I ever took was to New York City with some of my middle school theatre people when I was between 7th and 8th grades. This trip solidified my best friend status with Becki. : )
11.My biological father has chosen not to be in my life since I was 13 years old. I still don’t know why, but I am a stronger person because of it, and have an amazing stepfather who is my Dad in every way that matters.
12.I accidentally injured my brother twice while trying to get him to behave. The first time he was jumping on the bed and when he wouldn’t stop, I pulled him down. He broke his leg. The second time he wouldn’t go to sleep and was harassing me so I pushed him and he hit his head on the dresser. He had to get multiple stitches. I still feel really guilty about both, but ironically I was trying to save him from injury or getting in trouble.
13.I have two facebook accounts. Everyone from my job started adding me as a friend, and I started getting work related “wall comments” and on the other side I was censoring other comments so my boss wouldn’t see. So I just completely separated the two.
14.I have had a “Yorkie” calendar every year for several years, and I still have them all. Why, I do not know, but I do.
15.I went to the NKOTB reunion show in October in San Antonio, and I bought a t-shirt that says “Property of Jonathan Knight”, I have never worn it, except once for about 30 minutes.
16.I have spent multiple evenings(not in succession) on rock musician Will Hoge’s tour bus. It was far more innocent than I imagined or had seen in movies.. Everyone just danced around and drank Lone Star and Jack Daniels (not mixed). There were about 10-15 people cramped in the front of the bus. Entertaining times none the less.
17.My two yorkies, Wilson and Gracie, are my children. They sleep in bed with me (usually under the covers), they lick my finished plate, and I talk to them daily.
18.The worst day of my entire life was when my grandpa, Pop, passed away. I was the only family member with my grandmother at the hospital at that time of day...when she got the news. Seeing someone lose their husband of 63 years that they had been with everyday since they were 19, is the most gut wrenching thing I have ever seen.
19.I have major commitment issues. I had 3 serious relationships in 4 years, with 2 of the 3 cheated on me. Therefore I have kind of shut off for the last couple of years, and focused on me.(Also see #11)
20.From 16-18 my best friend Becki and I probably spent around $1,000 being in the first 5 rows of NSYNC and Backstreet Boy concerts. And another $1,000 attending every other boyband show we could find within driving distance. Sure it may have been silly, but I still smile and think of my best friend every time I hear a song or think of it. That’s worth more than $2,000 to me.
21.In reference to #20 we met NSYNC in August of 1999 after we followed them to their hotel. For months after that the back of my binder was an 8x10 of me and Lance Bass. Of course he’s gay. This is probably a whole separate facet of my commitment issues in number 19.
22.I went to homecoming with Michael Urie when I was a sophomore, he is now doing awesome and on the ABC show Ugly Betty. However, every time he wears a dress on the show I get a phone call. Thanks dude. I had a HUGE crush on him in 9th and 10th grade : ).
23.One of my best friends, Tamara, I actually met in a Backstreet Boys chat room. Funny thing is it was a really fun story to tell guys who picked us up in bars in later years. They seemed to get a kick out of it.
24.To this day, even though I act very confident I am always astounded if people like me.
25.I am a very outgoing person and love going out and making new friends. However, I almost ALWAYS have anxiety issues and get shy on two occasions. One, before a first or sometimes second date. Two, on my birthday, I absolutely DESPISE having Happy Birthday sung to me. In fact when I was a kid and the wait staff at Cheddar’s came over to sing to me, I slid off the booth under the table.

Some Crazy Talk

2009-01-27T14:41:00.003-06:00

You know, sometimes, and this is no lie, sometimes.... I wish I could drink the Kool-Aid. Sometimes I wish that I felt and believed all the hype about "hope, change and a better America." I don't, but man on occasion I wish I do.

Why?
- I would probably be happier in my naivete.
- The majority of my friends wouldn't view me as a "Crazy Republican"
- I wouldn't be so upset when I read or watched the news EVERY SINGLE DAY.
- I could have some amount of respect for Clooney, Penn, Sarandon, Damon, etc. and actually be able to stomach their movies/music again.
- I would truly think the government was going to improve in the next four years.

Just saying. Sometimes I wish I could drink the Kool-Aid.

It Only Took Three Days...

2009-01-23T15:56:00.003-06:00

It Only Took Three Days

Three days and I’m fed up, disgusted, frightened, and just about ready to give up all resolve I had to try and respect this man. How does this sound like a good idea to ANYONE?? I feel like I’m beating my head against the wall here.

I just read this article;

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0109/17862.html

First of all; how is any generalization of “I won” reaching across the aisle and being bipartisan? Did I miss the day we changed the meaning of the word? Pelosi is so excited she doesn’t know what to do with herself, and America, America is being torn to shreds.

“The exchange arose as top House and Senate Republicans expressed concern to the president about the amount of spending in the package. They also raised red flags about a refundable tax credit that returns money to those who don’t pay income taxes, the sources said. The Republicans stressed that they want to include more middle class tax cuts in the package, citing their proposal to cut the two lowest tax rates — 15 percent and 10 percent — to ten percent and five percent, rather than issue the refundable credit Obama wants”

That just makes sense! Give a rate cut to those of us paying taxes INSTEAD of giving “refundable credits” (aka welfare, aka charity, aka hand outs) to those who do not even PAY taxes to begin with!

Second of all, with Obama canceling out Bush’s ban on overseas funding for groups that promote abortion, my tax dollars are being doubly misused!

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am PERSONALLY not a supporter of abortion. At the same time though, I would never tell another human being what to do, the choice is theirs. However, I do not feel that I should have to pay for anyone’s abortion against my will, ESPECIALLY people in FOREIGN COUNTRIES.
Good start Nobama… and I pray Lord, watch over us and our fine country created by our forefathers, and keep her strong in a time of such blatant disregard of what You stand for.

It's Always Something....

2009-01-23T11:08:00.003-06:00

I could NOT sleep last night. First I laid in bed from 10-2:30. Grace was curled up on my arm and facing me, it was sooo cute cause she was snoring (very lightly she’s 8 pounds). Love my pups. THEN I woke up. I heard this noise. It sounded like someone just saying “Here…..Here…..Here” like a broken record or something (this was around 3:30am), I looked at my phone to see if I hit something, nope. I kept hearing it and it sounded like it was getting closer and it was totally freaking me out. The dogs were barking and freaking out too – So I went and turned on the kitchen light and looked out the sliding glass door. There I see this old man, IN HIS BOXERS( my eyes!!!!) shaking keys or something.. I guess he lost his cat or dog? But I’m thinking, dude, at 3:30am? Hush. Walking back into my room I noticed I had fallen asleep with a white face mask on, and my hair was sticking out all over the place, I looked like something from a horror movie!!! I'm sure it wasn't pretty when I threw open the curtain and glared.... but the dogs kept on barking. I had to turn my TV on to drown him out so the dogs wouldn’t freak. I accidentally locked Wilson out of the bedroom and when I let him in I felt so bad and in a high pitched voice I said “awww… Wilson” so of course, he peed. This morning as I was leaving I rounded the corner and there is the same man, although luckily he has put denim shorts on this time and has his keys in hand. I feel bad for him, I mean it’s awful to lose a pet, I can’t even fathom what I would do. But seriously, 3am?????, and put some clothes on!

Thoughts and Happenings

2009-01-22T14:49:00.005-06:00

Living on my own I was under the impression I would always get to watch what I wanted, never having to share the remote. Not so, I realized as my channel suddenly changed. Some may say it was an accidental coincidence, I'm not so sure.

Other things I thought about today -

Unless mandated by some form of uniform, sports team, holiday, or “in honor of” (cancer, aids, etc) day – I never wear orange, red or yellow.

When I was 4 or 5 years old I stole a tootsie roll (one of those vanilla ones) from Albertsons. My mom had my Dad take me back to the store and I had to apologize to the manager.

When my brother was 2 or 3, and I was 5 or 6, he was jumping on the bed. I told him he was going to get in trouble and he should stop. He did not. I therefore pulled him off the bed, and his leg broke. Whoops.

I would always bargain with my babysitters to stay up later. I now understand why that was so annoying.

I am petrified of snakes, petrified. I can not even look at a picture much less see one on tv or in the movies.

I put Parmesan cheese on my popcorn. (Which I currently can't have for another two weeks, man I miss popcorn)

At 16 my friends and I met N*SYNC at their hotel after a concert. I immediately called my mother, crying, saying “Mom, I met LANCE”. (of all people)

Almost any TV show in the world can get me as a regular, simply by having a weekend marathon. You sit down at 9am, and before you know it’s dark out, and you have no idea what just happened.

One week after my wisdom teeth removal I had my first solid food. I had a hamburger and fries from Wendy’s, it was painful, but SO WORTH IT.

I never eat anything after the "sell by" date. Yes I know it's ridiculous. But I don't.

I always wished, and sometimes still do, that I had the talent to write a novel. I think I have some great stories to tell, I’m no Tori Spelling, but I have issues too.

Normal Please?

2009-01-19T17:58:00.003-06:00

This time last week I was getting home from work, with nachos and a glass of wine. Now I'm swishing warm salt water and pudding. You have no idea how badly I want me some nachos!

I am going back to work tomorrow, and actually REALLY excited about it. I haven't even driven since Wednesday night, I am ready to get going! And now I'm hearing at my follow up appointment this week I get a syringe to squirt water in the holes in my gums to get food out. Gee... doesn't that sound fun and uplifting?

In the meantime, I slept pretty much all day, with a marathon of Jon & Kate plus Eight in the background. I love that show. The crazy thing is she was my age, 27, when she was pregnant with those sextuplets. I can't even fathom!

I had a family issue over the past few days - I guess people can often surprise you in bad ways too. How do you rebuild from that? I'm not sure, I just know you have too - especially with family.

Writing this didn't help, I still want some nachos.

I Tried to Go it Alone

2009-01-18T18:21:00.005-06:00

So every night since my surgery I have set an alarm, or had a friend wake me up to take a pain pill at the advised time. Yesterday I was feeling pretty decent, so last night, I tried to go it alone.

I do not advise this. While I slept 9 hours, I also woke up even more swollen than when I went to bed and in the pain I hadn't felt since the beginning. I have decided I am not ready to go rogue, I'm following the rules, I am taking all the medicines until my follow up on Thursday.

I took a shower today, that helped - and THANK YOU NICOLE - I ate some chicken noodle soup. Wow, did I miss the taste of chicken. However, it still hurts to open my mouth too much or to smile... kids - do this when they tell you to, you know when you are 16 and heal faster. Do not wait, it just gets worse.

My friends are still so awesome. They have been there for me all the time, and I know they would be even more if I needed them. Nicole with soup and a movie, Emily with the constant catering and company, Christina for the heating pad, Angela, Melissa and Faith with time and little gifts, and Michelle - the nurse - taking out the bloody gauze. You guys are AMAZING!

I don't know if I will take an extra recovery day tomorrow or not. I am trying to feel it as I go. I really am wanting to go back to work, yes I know how crazy that sounds, but I am. I am suffering from MAJOR cabin fever as I have not left my home since going in for the surgery Thursday morning. I would love to see people, and get dressed, and DO something outside this 600 square foot home of mine. However, I'm torn because I know first hand after last night what happens when I push myself too hard. I certainly do not want another day like this one.

Right now I think I'm just going to drink some water, eat some pudding, and pray for some guidance as what is best for me. I REALLY want to leave my home, but I don't want to be stuck here for any longer than necessary because I try to go it alone again.... time will tell! Hope to see you all soon!

Vanilla Pudding is My Best Friend

2009-01-17T05:34:00.003-06:00

So its around 5am on Saturday morning, and I'm impressed I got 4 straight hours of sleep. Since my wisdom teeth came out that is the longest I have slept.

I had friends come by yesterday, Faith with magazines and soft foods, Melissa with gerber daisies, Angela with vanilla pudding, and Nicole with flowers. I have always known I talked to much, but after these visits I reached my limit. My whole mouth was sore, and the second I quit talking, it started to feel better. Thank goodness for Emily (my fabulous friend who stayed the night), my elementary knowledge of sign language, and vanilla pudding.

I have never been a pudding fan, just one of the things they suggest you get when you have your wisdom teeth out. I have eaten 11 cups of vanilla pudding thus far. It is the only thing I look forward to. In this situation, Jello vanilla pudding, is MY 6 pack.

I spent the last hours before bed last night using sign language to communicate with Emily, and I feel much better. I also ate macaroni and cheese which to any of you who have had your wisdom teeth out, know is awesome. Of course it's also frustrating because basically have to have one little noodle at a time. You never really appreciate the spoon or forkful you can normally take until you can barely open your mouth.

And wow - don't accidentally hit your teeth with the fork, its like the ripple effect in the water straight to the end.

I go back to work Monday, and I can already tell I am going to be lopsided with a huge swollen side... who's better looking than me?

Chipmunk Cheeks

2009-01-16T14:46:00.004-06:00

So I had my wisdom teeth extracted yesterday. I'll spare the details, but I am sitting with a heating pad on the left side of my face at the moment. Apparently, I had a spider nerve around my bottom left tooth. That sucks, and it has ruined my dreams of a perfect recovery... however, I hear Alvin and the Chipmunks are hiring.

Glass half full right?

I am so amazed and humbled by my friends. First there was all the well wishes I received before hand, and those that called to check up. The rock stars here are Emily and Michelle. These two amaze me. The anesthesia and I did not get along post op - and after the vomiting had passed, I could not do or think of anything but the pain. There they were, literally taking bloody gauze out of my mouth, and replacing it, waking me up for pills, and wiping my drool. Who can ask for better friends than that?

Today Faith showed up with some soft food and just sat here while I slept, she had the day off and could have been home sleeping.

Friends are the most amazing gift, I'm sure you all know this. However, stop and think how far you'd go for them, because I know mine would go that far for me.

PS - still under the influence of drugs so forgive whatever errors persist.

I love Random

2009-01-13T17:21:00.004-06:00

- My closet for the most part, consists only of shades of purple, pink, black, blue and green. I bought an orange shirt last week, we'll see if I wear it.

- It is incredibly flattering for a friend to turn to you in a time of need, and rather self gratifying to be there to help them out. On the other hand, there is nothing more humbling than when people line up to help YOU out.

- No matter how old they are, men are idiots. There is a guy who had asked me out for drinks, and I text messaged him Saturday night. I received back

"Actually, I'm on a date right now, want to chat tomorrow."

And before you ask, yes he did call. My opinion is two fold. 1. Do not ever tell a girl you are trying to date, that you are on a date. 2. I certainly am not going to put myself in the position to be the girl sitting across from that text message... if you know what I mean.

- My dogs are awesome, annoying, and one of the greatest joys in the world.

- I miss being around children on a daily basis. While it didn't exactly pay, being a nanny was the best job I ever had.

-I am scared stiff to get my wisdom teeth out this week. I have nightmares about it. My dentist told me at 16 that I needed them out before graduation. High school came, I assumed he meant college.....

- No matter what is going on, or what kind of mood I'm in, a little music comes on, and I dance, just for a second even, and that improves my mood(and confuses my dogs).This is my current "happy song."

A Hypothesis, Experiment, and Conclusion

2009-01-08T17:18:00.002-06:00

I have decided, that at least in my limited experience, women's gyms do not work.

I joined an all women gym last spring. I went 3 to 4 times a week, if not more, and I enjoyed it ok. I didn't have to worry about looking stupid, or guys staring at me(whether it be in a flattering or ridiculing way). I went in considering this to be so much better than the pressure you feel when having the opposite sex around watching you.

My conclusion?

In my experience;

No pressure = No results

Everyday I recognize the women walking in, and everyday those women are doing the same workout routines. I have been a member 8 months now, seeing the same people. The realization came THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME! The only woman I have seen drop any weight, is the one who GAVE BIRTH!!

So, once my membership is over, I'm back to the co-ed world of grunting and inferiority complexes. At least that inspires me to move my ass and run faster, harder, and at a steeper incline so the hot guys don't think I'm a wuss. Inferiority for me = results.

This Time, Those Years

2008-12-31T16:14:00.004-06:00

At this time in my childhood until the age of 13, I was in a light blue house with white shutters off a red dirt road in Mobile, Alabama. I was with my biological father, my stepmother Gina, and my brother and sister Justin and Jenna. I had only been there 6 days and 5 nights, and I was leaving in two short days. Then, I would be in a red and brown brick house, on a paved road, in Plano, TX. I would be with my Mom, the only DAD that I now know, and my brother and sister Trevor and Bethany.

This was my childhood, this was my normal.

The day after Christmas I did not see friends and share toys with my siblings. The day after Christmas I said goodbye to my family I had spent every moment with the last six months, and flew to the home of "my family" I hardly knew. Calling a man Dad who frightened me slightly, and commanded I say "yes sir" and "no ma'am" in military fashion, and hugging a brother and sister I hardly knew. There I had another Christmas, but I was the unwilling star. I was the only one with presents left from Santa, and everyone wanted to see "how much I'd grown." This "side's" grandparents rushed over, neighbors stopped by, all for the "Julie Show."

I just wanted my Mom.

New Years Day, my last day on that red dirt road, I am mixed with emotions of guilt - because I want to see my Mom, sadness - because I must leave this other family, and confusion- because I don't know what emotions its ok for me to show which "side".

These days still have a place in my head. It has been 14 years since the other "side" ceased to exist in my world(not by my choice, but their own). Yet December 26-January 2nd, and June 10 through July 21st, still send a strange feeling to my heart.

Do not misunderstand, I am thankful everyday that my parents divorced when I was a baby. My birth father was a controlling man, and the man my Mom is with now, who IS my Dad is amazing, he and my Mom are wonderful parents. But those memories, those feelings of obligation, of guilt and of confusion, they don't go away, they just get buried in the business of every day life.

14 years ago was the last time this little girl was on that red dirt road, and all she wanted was to go home.

Whats the basis?

2008-12-23T21:43:00.003-06:00

What is the basis for the love stories? The romance novels? The stereotypical "chick flick"?

Does such a love exist? Can you really lock eyes with someone and feel that instant mutual attraction? Is it possible to spend a day with someone and each tell your respective friends that is the man/woman you are going to marry?

What is the basis for fairy tales? A true love unrequited, or just a hope and wish for something more?

Why isn't now good enough?

2008-12-22T20:06:00.002-06:00

Have you ever noticed we are never as happy with ourselves in the present as we are in hindsight?
We constantly look in the mirror and pick apart what we see. I’m too pale, I’m too chunky, my hair is the wrong color, my teeth aren’t white enough. .. Yet, when we look at pictures of ourselves from a few short years ago the response is different. “Man I looked good, I wish I knew how good I looked back then.”Why is it so hard for us to stop and say hey… I look pretty damn good right now, instead of waiting three years to think so?
We consistently talk about "the good ole days", and how we didn't realize what a good thing we had going. We bring up how great was it that our only responsibility was to ride our bikes home before dark, to decide what elective we wanted to take in middle school, or in college to set our alarms for a one pm class. In a few years, I'll probably be saying how I wished I had back the life I had now. Now, I think about how breezy bar hopping with my girlfriends and rolling into my college class in my sweats was "the life."

When does it catch up with us? Why can't we just say THIS, .... THIS is the life. Now. Today.

Dogs Have Feelings Too

2008-12-22T16:27:00.002-06:00

I liken this one to shame with a touch of resentment.

Just a Moment

2008-12-07T22:44:00.003-06:00

I was sitting at home tonight watching "Brothers and Sisters" and I remembered a moment back when I was 20 years old. I unexpectedly woke up in a great deal of pain and had to have emergency surgery.

The moment I remember is being in "pre-op" with my Mom and Dad on either side holding my hands. I recall being in so much pain that even though I was not crying, tears were streaming down my face.

I remember my Dad looking at me and saying

"You know if I could take your pain for you right now I would".

How lucky am I that that man chose to be my Dad.

At Some Point

2008-11-30T20:00:00.004-06:00

At some point; I grew too tired to go out and meet the famous people I used to love, and instead stayed home to cook a three course meal.

At some point; I stopped laying in bed dreaming about how I could become a back up dancer on some singers tour, and instead started dreaming about a new dresser.

At some point; I ceased trying to make everyone like me, and began to like myself.

At some point; I was no longer taking random vacations for fun with friends, and was instead saving for months for an overnight trip to San Antonio.

At some point; I did not have to talk to my parents before every decision I ever made, and took the responsibility upon myself.

At some point; I didn't know where all the drink specials were every night in the week, and became more concerned about the calorie content.

At some point; I stopped looking for a new car, and started enjoying having my older one paid off and running.

At some point; I quit walking so fast, and actually noticed the beauty of the leaves turning.

At some point; I gave up what might of been with old boyfriends, and began to realize what I deserved in a new one.

At some point; I got away from reading all the gossip sites, and started really paying attention to the news.

At some point; I learned instead of telling people what I though, sometimes keeping my mouth shut and complaining later was the best form of action.

At some point; I halted buying everything I wanted at the grocery store, and started buying only the things I needed.

At some point; I realized everyone in my family wasn't going to be around forever, and I started knowing the pain of loss.

At some point; I noticed if I didn't make it to my parents every holiday, life would go on.

At some point; I acknowledged that I had to let go of my childhood dreams.

At some point; I learned you really can't go home again.

At some point, I grew up.

The Senseless Injuries Hurt The Most

2008-11-25T15:24:00.001-06:00

Ouch

What makes you feel more asinine than injuring yourself in a dim-witted way that is entirely avoidable? For me, it would be having two instances within the span of several hours.

Foolish injury #1; While getting into bed last night. Now going to bed, I have to pick my one dog, Gracie, up because she can’t make the jump up to the height of the bed. Wilson usually does it himself. I picked up Gracie and put her on the bed, then climbed in the middle under the covers and called Wilson. He made a valiant effort, but the rear half of his body didn’t get the clearance desired, and with panic in his eyes he started sliding off the bed. I of course, being the devoted parent I am, dove to the rescue. As I reached Wilson with my right arm I reached behind me to place him on the bed. While doing so, I myself was sliding very similarly the way he had, but in the reverse position, down to the floor. Instead of dropping him and using my hand to stop my fall, I saved the dog and hit my chin on the hard wood floor. Duh. I then turned and looked up to see both dogs staring at me from atop MY bed.

Foolish Injury #2; Waking up this morning. I proceeded into the bathroom to turn on the shower, which always needs a couple of minutes to heat up. Upon rising, I slam the top middle of my head on the cabinet over the toilet. This is the 3rd time this has happened. I am not proud.

I now have a sore chin, a bump and scab on the top of my head, and a horrible headache.

I am feeling smart today!

Stay out of trouble or don’t get caught.

I Got Nothing

2008-11-21T14:44:00.006-06:00

Seriously - I have been sitting around thinking of something to write about - I know its been over a week, but I still have nothing. So we are going with the "stream of conscious" method today kids.

It finally got cooler! I was actually cold even at lunch today, which is rare in Texas. I love the cold, I don't turn my heater on until it is absolutely necessary either. And even then I heat to a mild 65 degrees.

I had a fabulous birthday last Friday. Multiple girlfriends and myself took cabs downtown for some craziness. I was lost after the tequila shot at the first bar... rumors are they found me ON the next one. All in good fun. Needless to say I didn't touch alcohol for 4 days afterwards. I partied like it was my 22nd not my 27th birthday. Then there was that bit of a head cold, what is it that it seems getting sick gets worse as you get older? Maybe when you're young you are confused and don't know whats going on, but with age comes knowledge, and you know it just stinks and you have to ride it out. Was that a run-on?

The down turning economy is really hitting me now. I cancelled my home phone and internet yesterday. I use my cell the majority of the time anyway, and it has internet, Yay for Blackberry! It is attached to me anyway. I can facebook, email, and blog all from there so I will be ok. Another economy change, I hope everyone likes my hair this color, because I can no longer afford to get it professionally done. Color 118E it will remain for the foreseeable future.

As the world turns scared around us, part of me is happy that Obama has been elected. The part that is grateful that as we drop further, which we inevitably will, I will not have to listen to them blaming it all on McCain and those that voted for him...

What can I say.. I always look for the upside.

On another note my mom gave me this little book she bought on vacation when she came in town. It is a "Name fortune teller" which was pretty funny. One of my ex boyfriends "future" was "you will be at the mercy of a girl's whim"... whoops.. I know that was me!! hehe!

On that note...

Stay out of trouble, or don't get caught.

Everyday Goings On

2008-11-12T16:31:00.005-06:00

No news…

I don’t have anything specific outlined or witty to say this week… so here are a few quick updates as of late ;

- The election is obviously over (unless you live in Minnesota… Stewart Smiley??? Really?) and so my passion for news is lacking. I just want to go back to some sort of normal on my television. I used to watch the Today show before this whole mess picked up and I’d like to go back. You know, back to when the main story was people with 18 kids or the newest movie? My 82 year old grandma and I were talking the other day, and she says “I miss my newspaper, every page is just O-Bama, O-Bama, O-Bama.” Now consider she lives in Alabama… so she said the Bama like Alabama. I will move on, but please do not come out at me with the lets reunite as one talk NOW when you didn't before. Not because I don’t believe it, but because its hypocrisy. You protested Bush the last 8 years and it was patriotic, now that the shoe is on the other foot it’s hate and rage. I’m just asking you to be all in, or not at all.

- One of my best friends came in town this past weekend. I Had not seen her in about a year as she still lives in Dallas. We used to basically be attached at the hip, spending most of our free time together. It was SO awesome to see her and I think it really perked me up in general. We did so much in one weekend. It was about everything I have done in Austin in 3 years combined into one weekend. I’m still exhausted, but I feel closer to “me” so to speak.

- My dryer is my latest home ownership headache. It turns on, it goes, but my clothes are damp and cold. There is no heat coming out of my freaking dryer!!! I looked up some information and I am keeping my fingers crossed it’s the easy fix. That being one of the two fuses has shorted so I need to restart that. That will be interesting tonight as none of my brakers are labeled. Ugh. If that’s not it, I will have to pay for a someone to come look at it as it is stackable in a very small closet in my rather small hallway. There is no way I could do that on my own without crushing one of my small pups in the process.

- My hair. I have issues with change as is. Going from blonde to red was a big change. Then red became strawberry blonde, which became orange, which became a dark auburn. Basically I have just declared I am trying to see how many different hair colors I can fit into one month. I have to give it to my hair dresser, she said it would be hard to maintain. When it faded to strawberry blonde I went rogue and did it on my own.. right now.. I think we’re ok but I don’t want to speak too soon.

- Friday is my birthday – 27 – not a big deal. I am going out with some girlfriends so maybe I’ll have some funny stories to report. My mom is coming into town tomorrow for a couple of days – but she’ll be going to bed when we are heading out – hopefully she won’t be too upset at our drunk butts rolling in at 2am. I told her be prepared to hold up my hair… she didn’t think it was as funny as I did.

- I have fully accepted something about my self and am trying to work on it. That being that when I feel less than, or inferior to something or someone, I become defensive and go on the attack. The only people I tend not to like are the people who don’t like me. It’s not a good quality – but a good quality is the knowledge I have and will acquire from realizing that.

- I saw one of the worst dancers of my life this weekend out with Sarah. I didn’t blame her at all. All I was thinking was… where the hell are her friends? Friends don’t let friends DO that. … Shout out to my friends…

Stay out of trouble or don’t get caught.

As the Cliche goes...

2008-11-04T12:04:00.006-06:00

Be careful what you wish for… you just might get it.

I am thinking of this today, election day, more than ever. I’m looking at Barack Obama, and I’m looking at all of the people supporting him blindly, toting for change, and all that is running through my head is “be careful what you wish for.”

I’ll try and compare this illusion to a much smaller life experience I believe many of us have been through.

When I was in grade school, we’re talking elementary through high school, there was the “popular group.” I was not in it. There were several “popular” “good looking” guys in this group and they dated the attractive popular girls they were grouped with. I remember being out at a bar with some friends at 22 and running into one of those popular guys. I said “oh my lord, there is John Smith.” Obviously John Smith is not his real name, I certainly don’t want to embarrass or anger anyone here. John was a football player, a year older than me, good looking and incredibly popular. He was the type girls sit around and talk about how great it would be to date him, and fantasize all through their notes they pass back and forth in junior high.

With a little age, wisdom, and most importantly “liquid courage” I approached my John Smith. We talked a bit, and suddenly I realized he was flirting with me. I tried to keep my cool, I was so excited I was talking to John Smith. THE John Smith, if they could see me now!!! John got my number and called me to invite me out with him and his friends. Of course I went spending a ridiculous amount of time getting ready, calling everyone I knew. “Becki, GUESS WHO I’m going out with tonight?!?! OMG John Smith.”

John picked me up, we went and had drinks with his friends. He didn’t pay for me, he probably knew he didn’t have to. He was John Smith. He and his friends were, different, than I expected. They seemed kind of immature and really didn’t have a lot of respect for anyone they knew who was married and called them asinine. Ok – they said stupid, they weren’t acting mature enough to say asinine. The next morning I went to church with John Smith and he took me to Chili’s. Where he told me the story about how he wrote a song about the appetizer chips and salsa because he always asked for ranch with it. The brilliant song was titled “Chips, salsa and ranch.” No lie.

Our next “date” was, predictably, another bar with his single guy friends. There was a popular song at the time by Baby Bash called “Sugar” and the song repeated over and over and over “sugar sugar how’d you get so fly”. Well Mr. Smith gets me out on the dance floor to “check this out”… and he proceeds to dance and sing..

“John Smith how’d you get so fly, John Smith how’d you get so fly”

Seriously? And every time I didn’t laugh or respond in kind, he would go “you know I played football in high school?”. Right.

Not to mention that his “dinner ware” was paper plates, paper bowls, paper cups and plastic utensils…

Basically I realized that this guy I had crushed on and gossiped about in high school, was nothing more than an annoying, immature guy. I never would have guessed at 16 that I would have been so wrong, he was so popular.

We may not be dating, but Barack Obama is just another John Smith to me.

Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. And you don't even know what IT is.

Stay out of trouble or don't get caught.

Young and Old

2008-10-28T16:52:00.005-05:00

I was watching a friend/co-worker's 5 year old this past weekend and we were in the backyard enjoying the wonderful weather. I experienced a few things that afternoon.

1. Those Razor Scooters are danger on wheels.. Holy Crap I almost bit it so many times... but like the idiot i am, I kept going, and going, and going.....

2. The Power Wheels - pretty entertaining, even at 26 years old. You know the little "mini cars" that the kids drive around...That is until a certain 5 year old says

"Miss Julie.... why does it go so SLOOOWWW when you're on it?"

Damn.

My friend Tam showed me this photo when she was in town a couple of weeks ago. This is from December 2002.

"oh ugh" notices

- I had the mile long fake nails going on (lost those 4 years ago.. $60 a month is ridiculous)

- I was drinking a Smirnoff Ice (in my defense, I had only been 21 for a few weeks at the time)

- I still have that blue sweater... time to let go Julie... time to let go.

For the record, Avril Lavigne was VERY nice - can't speak for her now (I think she lost my number), but when we ran into her at the hotel that night - she was friendly.

Stay out of trouble or don't get caught....

A Cluster of This and That

2008-10-27T17:01:00.005-05:00

Well last week I attempted the baby steps of “getting out more.” I had wine with a new friend, and really enjoyed it. Thursday my friend Christina and I went to UT to catch a free Gavin DeGraw show. I have always liked his songs, but his live show… and him.. well there isn’t much to complain about there. And hey, I was out on a Thursday and I survived!!!

I want to address a comment now left on a previous blog – it was left on this one – http://senselessjewels.blogspot.com/2008/10/where-does-hate-come-from.html

The Comment is from “Rebecca” (whom I know ATLEAST 5 of so this could be one of them or someone new, I have no clue), and here is what it says.

“To add some objectivity... your region and demographic affects your perspective about hateful propaganda. For example, if you were a first generation Mexican-American living in Los Angeles, there's a good chance you would be fixated on Republican supporters at a recent rally noting that they were "afraid of Obama" and that he is an "Arab". Luckily, McCain grabbed the microphone from the woman and said "no ma'am." I think the candidates have kept the hatefulness to a minimum between them. As for supporters, people get emotional and say terrible things on behalf of both tickets. Racist comments abound regarding Barack and have little to do with his ability or inability to be president. Search and ye will find nastiness on both ends. And remember that it is easy to be biased if you're inundated with the beliefs of those in your community. The only purpose in that is to distract you from making your own decision and to make you focus on an Us vs. Them mentality. We're all citizens for crying out loud.”

Now I must say I am rather offended by this persons “assumptions.” First of all, to state my view of “hateful propaganda” is only because of my demographic and region is ignorant, and not me at all. First of all I live in Austin, TX, a majority of this city is liberal. Second of all 90% of my friends and acquaintances are liberal, I am the minority in my political beliefs here. It does not take any region or demographic to see how incredibly biased the media is on Barack Obama. How either side could ignore that is crazy to me. Yes hateful things are said on and by both sides… but it is the people at the McCain/Palin rallies that have the repetitive media coverage, while the Obama/Biden backers are swept under frivolous stories of Paris Hilton or Angelina Jolie. I am an intelligent young woman and I can think for myself, please do not assume to know my IQ level.

Ok – off that, on to other things.

I woke up last night around 2am and could not fall back asleep until 5am. Wow – the amazing things that come across tv between 2 and 5am.
1. I want me a Kymora body shaper! Those things look awesome! Lose weight, no work out… 39.95, no thanks.
2. Some funky named straightener that can also curl your hair… I’m confused…
3. Bridezillas. I have no fear of dying alone if these crazies can get someone to marry them. One woman actually REFUSED to let her 2 year old walk with her down the aisle because it “was her day.” – Wow. Another was upset her boobs were not falling out the sides of her dress. You read that right.

Quality programming my friends.

I will leave you with my new sign off that my Dad says to me on a regular basis

Stay out of trouble, or don’t get caught.

A Break From Politics to Focus on Me

2008-10-22T14:53:00.002-05:00

I feel I’ve lost my way

I have gotten so involved in politics. So trapped in the pattern of waking up, going to work, going home for dinner, some puppy and tv time, and then to bed, I’m on auto pilot. I suppose I am reaching this plateau. The realization that I am standing still and not moving side to side, up and down, but remaining sedentary hits me in the one question I have received lately from old friends.

“What have you been up to?” or “What’s new with you”

To these questions I have no response, merely “same old, same old.” I am almost 27 years old. I am in the middle of what some people would label an amazing and fun filled time. Yet I truly have nothing new to say or add to my recent “happenings.”

Last week I stepped outside my box, just a bit. I went to see So You Think You can Dance with two friends, one old, one new. I dyed my hair red, yep, red.

I went to see New Kids on The Block for the first time since I was 9 years old and truly thought they would appreciate it if I wore one of their shirts to the concert and take notice. (They didn't) It was SO FUN to sit there and sing the old songs from when I was a kid. And they looked pretty good too.

What an amazing time I had last week. Here I am in the middle of this week asking myself, now what? Do I just go back to the routine? Do I just associate with the same people? What do I look forward to?

I have recently found myself doing something I never thought I would do…. Missing Dallas. Don’t panic, or get excited, I’m not going back. I am just starting to appreciate what it was to have the life I led and how much I truly enjoyed it. I could drop in and visit with my parents. I still talk to my Mom often but getting my Dad to chat on the phone is like pulling teeth. I hardly talk to my brother and sister. I have left so many great friends behind and they have just fallen beneath the cracks. Please don’t misunderstand, I have AMAZING friends here in Austin and I love all of them dearly and would not trade our friendships. I hope they continue to grow, but I don’t feel I’m seeing them either!

What I feel I am saying is I want
-to extend the figurative branch back out to my Dallas people
-I want to go out more
- I want to have fun
- I want to sleep less
-I want to reconnect
- I want to laugh

I need out of this politic bubble the world is constantly shoving at us. I need to leave my home more, see more sights, take the dogs for longer walks, and hell even run up some more credit card debt if that’s what it takes.

Three years ago, I was exhausted, deep in debt, and flying by the seat of my pants. Today I am well rested, for the most part out of debt and about as bored with myself as they come.

Where is the mix between the responsibilities adulthood and life?

Joe for President

2008-10-16T10:56:00.001-05:00

One man can make a difference. Not only was he brought up 25 times in the debates last night, but he is standing strong on his belief that Obama's tax plan is wrong.

Here he is not backing down to Diane Sawyer, you go Joe.

Where does the hate come from?

2008-10-13T22:19:00.002-05:00

This is a late night blog of basic commentary and opinion. It all begins with a question I have posed to many liberal friends of mine.

Where does the hate come from?

From my experience and what I have heard, most of this hate is directed at Sarah Palin. To name a few of the things actual associates/friends have said;

- "Palin should be hung up and shot" (a. hateful, b.. hung up AND shot?!?!?)
- "Her entire family makes me want to vomit"
- "She is a stupid c**t"
- "She is an embarrassment to women"

WHAT?!?! Seriously? Where does this come from? How is it possible to have such hate for someone you do not even know and has only been in the "public eye" for 5 weeks?

Her children - what's wrong with them? We can accept Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy at 16 and even pay her $1 million dollars to be on the cover of a magazine....so Bristol Palin is pregnant?! She's keeping and raising the baby, what a huge decision. And what a brave girl to do that in the public eye. Who are you to judge? Did you raise a child as a teenager? No... you probably think it's better to follow Obama and support a failed abortion leaving the baby in a soiled linen room breathing and dying ALONE.

I think she's a great woman. What has she done? The problem is she has done more than THEIR CANDIDATE... she;s been a real mayor, he hasn't.. she's been a real governor, he hasn't... she's been in charge of the Alaskan National Guard.. he hasn't.

But don't be down.... he did help "community organize" an organization... maybe you have seen them in the news... ACORN? Heard of them?

Point is.. I have NEVER called Barack Obama a terrorist, said I hated him, or that he should be "hung up and shot", I have only presented FACTS of his past history and voting record.

I know he is "the one" to you and the super candidate, but I have an open mind, and yours is closed. Next time you come to me saying "Go Obama", BACK IT UP. Tell me a policy you believe in, tell me a vote you support or a stance you stand behind. Then, and only then, will I RESPECT YOU as a voter and as an American.

PS - My best friend in the world is a liberal supporting Obama and I still love and admire her. However, she told me in a "not good" tone, "you and Elisabeth Hasselbeck should do lunch. Seriously." For the record, I ADORE and LOVE Elisabeth Hasselbeck.. to be attacked DAILY by 3 women and barely offered a voice is courage in it's finest.. I would be honored to have lunch with her anytime, anywhere.

Back at it, Monday

2008-10-13T09:08:00.002-05:00

I hope everyone had a great weekend! I received a call from my Mom yesterday morning with a special request. She wants me to go back to writing funny blogs :), understood - I do too. However, right now I think this video should be an eye opener.

Major points for these patriots for doing this, it could not have been easy, but I wouldn't mind joining them.

Evil

2008-10-09T09:52:00.001-05:00

I am truly reconsidering my respect for anyone who would vote for this man.

How you can turn a blind eye to this just because you don't want "4 more years of Bush" is ignorance, and a slap in the face to America.

This is What He Stands For

2008-10-08T10:50:00.002-05:00

Everyone needs to read this article. This is disgusting. Babies that have a CHANCE AND ARE ALIVE, even admittedly by Obama, should not have the right to live? I am disgusted.

The Obama Debate Every American Should See Wednesday, October 08, 2008By Terence P. Jeffrey

The most telling debate Barack Obama ever had was not with John McCain but Patrick O’Malley, who served with Obama in the Illinois Senate and engaged Obama in a colloquy every American should read.

The Obama-O’Malley debate was a defining moment for Obama because it dealt with such a fundamental issue: The state’s duty to protect the civil rights of the young and disabled.

Some background: Eight years ago, nurse Jill Stanek went public about the “induced-labor abortions” performed at the Illinois hospital where she worked. Often done on Down syndrome babies, the procedure involved medicating the mother to cause premature labor.

Babies who survived this, Stanek testified in the U.S. Congress, were brought to a soiled linen room and left alone to die without care or comforting.

Then-Illinois state Sen. Patrick O’Malley, whom I interviewed this week, contacted the state attorney general’s office to see whether existing laws protected a newborn abortion-survivor’s rights as a U.S. citizen. He was told they did not.

So, O’Malley—a lawyer, veteran lawmaker and colleague of Obama on the Illinois Senate Judiciary Committee—drafted legislation.

In 2001, he introduced three bills. SB1093 said if a doctor performing an abortion believed there was a likelihood the baby would survive, another physician must be present “to assess the child’s viability and provide medical care.” SB1094 gave the parents, or a state-appointed guardian, the right to sue to protect the child’s rights. SB1095 simply said a baby alive after “complete expulsion or extraction from its mother” would be considered a “’person, ‘human being,’ ‘child’ and ‘individual.’”

The bills dealt exclusively with born children. “This legislation was about preventing conduct that allowed infanticide to take place in the state of Illinois,” O’Malley told me.

The Judiciary Committee approved the bills with Obama in opposition. On March 31, 2001, they came up on the Illinois senate floor. Only one member spoke against them: Obama.

“Nobody else said anything,” O’Malley recalls. The official transcript validates this.

“Sen. O’Malley,” Obama said near the beginning of the discussion, “the testimony during the committee indicated that one of the key concerns was—is that there was a method of abortion, an induced abortion, where the—the fetus or child, as—as some might describe it, is still temporarily alive outside the womb.”

Obama made three crucial concessions here: the legislation was about 1) a human being, who was 2) “alive” and 3) “outside the womb.”

He also used an odd redundancy: “temporarily alive.” Is there another type of human?

“And one of the concerns that came out in the testimony was the fact that they were not being properly cared for during that brief period of time that they were still living,” Obama continued.

Here he made another crucial concession: The intention of the legislation was to make sure that 1) a human being, 2) alive and 3) outside the womb was 4) “properly cared for.”

“Is that correct?” Obama asked O’Malley.

O’Malley tightened the logical knot. “(T)his bill suggests that appropriate steps be taken to treat that baby as a—a citizen of the United States and afforded all the rights and protections it deserves under the Constitution of the United States,” said O’Malley.

But to these specific temporarily-alive-outside-the-womb-human beings—to these children who had survived a botched abortion, whose hearts were beating, whose muscles were moving, whose lungs were heaving—to these specific children of God, Obama was not willing to concede any constitutional rights at all.

To explain his position, Obama came up with yet another term to describe the human being who would be protected by O’Malley’s bills. The abortion survivor became a “pre-viable fetus.”

By definition, however, a born baby cannot be a “fetus.” Merriam-Webster Online defines “fetus” as an “unborn or unhatched vertebrate” or “a developing human from usually two months after conception to birth.” Obama had already conceded these human beings were “alive outside the womb.”

“No. 1,” said Obama, “whenever we define a pre-viable fetus as a person that is protected by the equal protection clause or other elements of the Constitution, what we’re really saying is, in fact, that they are persons that are entitled to the kinds of protections that would be provided to a—a child, a nine-month-old—child that was delivered to term.”

Yes. In other words, a baby born alive at 37 weeks is just as much a human “person” as a baby born alive at 22 weeks.

Obama, however, saw a problem with calling abortion survivors “persons.” “I mean, it—it would essentially bar abortions,” said Obama, “because the equal protection clause does not allow somebody to kill a child, and if this is a child, then this would be an antiabortion statute.”

For Obama, whether or not a temporarily-alive-outside-the-womb little girl is a “person” entitled to constitutional rights is not determined by her humanity, her age or even her place in space relative to her mother’s uterus. It is determined by a whether a doctor has been trying to kill her.

Lets Learn More About The Real Obama

2008-10-07T17:13:00.003-05:00

I came across a great article today written by Thomas Sowell on National Review Online. This article aims to point out how Obama's past "allies", are far more important that the media lets on. He also addresses several issues.

"Obama could have allied himself with all sorts of other people. But, time and again, he allied himself with people who openly expressed their hatred of America. No amount of flags on his campaign platforms this election year can change that."

How do people forget? This is the man who has his own stamp of the United States seal, the man who won't cross his hand over his heart during the pledge of allegiance, and the man who is married to a woman who is JUST RECENTLY proud of America.

One example he brings up about Obama's rise to fame is interesting, and shady.

"The story of Obama’s political career is not a pretty story. He won his first political victory by being the only candidate on the ballot — after hiring someone skilled at disqualifying the signers of opposing candidates’ petitions, on whatever technicality he could come up with. Despite his words today about “change” and “cleaning up the mess in Washington,” Obama was not on the side of reformers who were trying to change the status quo of corrupt, machine politics in Chicago and clean up the mess there. Obama came out in favor of the Daley machine and against reform candidates.Senator Obama is running on an image that is directly the opposite of what he has been doing for two decades. His escapes from his past have been as remarkable as the great escapes of Houdini."

You can read the entire article here. Worth it.
http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=ZmM1NzBkNGI4MGRkZjFmOTg4ZjU3ODVjNmE5ZGM0OGI=

Palin, A Class Act.

2008-10-07T15:45:00.001-05:00

The Economy, What Happened?

2008-10-07T10:08:00.000-05:00

Obama's "Strategy"

2008-10-06T10:13:00.003-05:00

According to wikipedia, as well as other news outlets (wiki was my main source), Saul Alinsky is considered to be “the founder of modern community organizing in America.”

Born in Chicago, IL, he is said to be an influence of Barack Obama’s.

Obama answered a help-wanted ad for the job of a community organizer for the Developing Communities Project (DCP) of the Calumet Community Religious Conference (CCRC) in Chicago. Both organizations were built on the Alinsky principle.

In his last book before Saul Alinsky died, “Rules For Radicals” he outlined his view for how to gain mass power over the community. An excerpt from this book follows;

"There's another reason for working inside the system. Dostoevski said that taking a new step is what people fear most. Any revolutionary change must be preceded by a passive, affirmative, non-challenging attitude toward change among the mass of our people. They must feel so frustrated, so defeated, so lost, so futureless in the prevailing system that they are willing to let go of the past and change the future. This acceptance is the reformation essential to any revolution. To bring on this reformation requires that the organizer work inside the system, among not only the middle class but the 40 per cent of American families - more than seventy million people - whose income range from $5,000 to $10,000 a year [in 1971]. They cannot be dismissed by labeling them blue collar or hard hat. They will not continue to be relatively passive and slightly challenging. If we fail to communicate with them, if we don't encourage them to form alliances with us, they will move to the right. Maybe they will anyway, but let's not let it happen by default."

Mike Kruglick, one of Obama’s early mentors in the Alinsky method had this to say to “The New Republic” about Obama.

"He was a natural, the undisputed master of agitation, who could engage a room full of recruiting targets in a rapid-fire Socratic dialogue, nudging them to admit that they were not living up to their own standards. As with the panhandler, he could be aggressive and confrontational. With probing, sometimes personal questions, he would pinpoint the source of pain in their lives, tearing down their egos just enough before dangling a carrot of hope that they could make things better."

Now, watch this video and see how Obama utilizes the strategy and teachings of Alinsky. He was supposedly going to address the crowd concerning the comment he made in Pennsylvania surrounding "bitter people clinging to Bibles and guns." Watch how he riles the crowd, then ends with himself as the answer.

Perhaps most terrifying is the epigraph of Alinsky’s book, seen below;

“Lest we forget at least an over-the-shoulder acknowledgment to the very first radical: from all our legends, mythology, and history (and who is to know where mythology leaves off and history begins -- or which is which), the first radical known to man who rebelled against the establishment and did it so effectively that he at least won his own kingdom – Lucifer.”

I think that speaks for itself, don’t you?

Voter Fraud in Ohio?

2008-10-02T10:28:00.003-05:00

You will not find many news reports on this. Thankfully, Lou Dobbs and Glenn Beck at CNN are not completely in the tank for Obama, and appear to believe in fair reporting.

Please watch this video, this is an obscene opportunity for fraud. They do not FACT CHECK these voters registrations, they can vote right away!!!

A Real Man for Change (not just one who talks of it)

2008-09-30T14:55:00.007-05:00

In 2005, it is a matter of national record that one candidate predicted that without regulation, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac could bring about the downfall of our economy.

And no, it's not the alleged face of "Change" and "Hope", it is the man that needs to be President of the United States, the man you need to vote for on November 4th, John McCain.

Sen Charles Hagel, Sen Elizabeth Dole, Sen John McCain, and Sen John Sununu co-sponsored a bill for reform.

Here is the text available via govtrack.us of John McCain's introduction; please note highlighted portions

John McCain :"Mr. President, this week Fannie Mae's regulator reported that the company's quarterly reports of profit growth over the past few years were "illusions deliberately and systematically created" by the company's senior management, which resulted in a $10.6 billion accounting scandal.
The Office of Federal Housing Enterprise Oversight's report goes on to say that Fannie Mae employees deliberately and intentionally manipulated financial reports to hit earnings targets in order to trigger bonuses for senior executives. In the case of Franklin Raines, Fannie Mae's former chief executive officer, OFHEO's report shows that over half of Mr. Raines' compensation for the 6 years through 2003 was directly tied to meeting earnings targets. The report of financial misconduct at Fannie Mae echoes the deeply troubling $5 billion profit restatement at Freddie Mac.
The OFHEO report also states that Fannie Mae used its political power to lobby Congress in an effort to interfere with the regulator's examination of the company's accounting problems. This report comes some weeks after Freddie Mac paid a record $3.8 million fine in a settlement with the Federal Election Commission and restated lobbying disclosure reports from 2004 to 2005. These are entities that have demonstrated over and over again that they are deeply in need of reform.
For years I have been concerned about the regulatory structure that governs Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac--known as Government-sponsored entities or GSEs--and the sheer magnitude of these companies and the role they play in the housing market. OFHEO's report this week does nothing to ease these concerns. In fact, the report does quite the contrary. OFHEO's report solidifies my view that the GSEs need to be reformed without delay.
Quick Info
S. 190 [109th]: Federal Housing Enterprise Regulatory Reform Act of 2005
Last Action: Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs. Ordered to be reported with an amendment in the nature of a substitute favorably.
Status: Dead
I join as a cosponsor of the Federal Housing Enterprise Regulatory Reform Act of 2005, S. 190, to underscore my support for quick passage of GSE regulatory reform legislation. If Congress does not act, American taxpayers will continue to be exposed to the enormous risk that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac pose to the housing market, the overall financial system, and the economy as a whole.
I urge my colleagues to support swift action on this GSE reform legislation."

So... Mr. Obama... what was that you said about John McCain being partially responsible for this crisis? Ms. Pelosi, I don't see any democrats co-sponsoring this bill??

Facts are facts people. Don't let the media spin fool you.

A Letter From The People

2008-09-30T14:35:00.004-05:00

This is an email one of my co-workers, that I have great respect and admiration for, sent to Nancy Pelosi. I hope more of you will take the initiative. And thanks to him, you won't need to search for her email address.

"From: Senseless Jewels friend
Sent: Monday, September 29, 2008 4:09 PM
To: Nancy Pelosi (nancy@mail.house.gov)
Subject: SAD SAD SAD

What else can be said about Speaker Pelosi but SAD, SAD, SAD! It is amazing that she thinks the American people are so stupid, or worse yet idiots, and will believe whatever she and others say to us. Does she really think that we believe the financial mess is all the Republicans fault? If it were not for the actions of Ms Pelosi, Barney Frank, Harry Reid and Chris Dodd we would not be in this terrible mess. Shame on all of you! I join the millions of Americans who are furious with you! Resign the Congress and go home to San Francisco! RESIGNATIONS: that is what the American people deserve from all four of you – Pelosi, Frank, Reid and Dodd."

AGREED

Democrats Fannie and Freddie Cover Up

2008-09-29T16:13:00.002-05:00

This is a video my friend Victoria posted recently on her facebook. Hard to ignore this.

My own personal "fact check";

2008-09-29T12:04:00.001-05:00

There was a moment I found both touching, yet unsettling in Friday’s debate. John McCain, when attacked on the war in Iraq mentioned he was wearing a bracelet for Cpl Matthew Stanley, who lost his life in Iraq. Not to be outdone, Obama reversed to school yard antics and displayed his own soldier’s bracelet for Sergeant Ryan David Jopek.

Now, there are reports (I’d say “breaking news”, but we all know what a joke that would be), hidden deeply and not discussed by our “media”, that this was not a decision supported by Jopek’s family. The mother had emailed Barack Obama to not publicly discuss her son, as the father would later discuss in a radio interview.

“Shockingly, however, Madison resident Brian Jopek, the father of Ryan Jopek, the young soldier who tragically lost his life to a roadside bomb in 2006, recently said on a Wisconsin Public Radio show that his family had asked Barack Obama to stop wearing the bracelet with his son's name on it. Yet Obama continues to do so despite the wishes of the family.”

That interviewed where these statements of Mr. Jopek were heard in APRIL, .. I’m sorry.. so the debate took place in September.. maybe Mr. Obama hasn’t had time to get to his email.

One of Obama’s aides was on FOX news (the only media outlet readily reporting this story), this morning saying that FOXnews didn’t have their facts straight “as always” and should read the AP report. Here’s how that turned out;

“This afternoon the Associated Press was at last able to contact Tracy Jopek, mother of Sergeant Ryan David Jopek, the KIA soldier on the bracelet that Barack Obama is using on the campaign trail. Ryan's Mother is confirming that she gave the bracelet to Mr. Obama, but is also confirming that she asked him to stop using her son's name on the campaign.”

Maybe the AP reports are the ones that need to be “fact checked.”

“But, we have another little mystery with these AP reports. The original headline for this report was "Soldier's mother 'ecstatic' about Obama's bracelet," released at about 7PM the evening of the 28th. But a few hours later, the AP changed it to "Soldier's mom defends Obama's mention of bracelet."
Apparently, Jopek's mother did NOT say she was "ecstatic" about Obama continuing to use her son's name on the campaign trail even after she told him to stop. The AP had to change its headline to reflect the truth.
The fact remains, the woman has repeated that she asked Obama not to mention her son on the campaign trail and this AP report confirms that. Will Obama stop using her son, now that we are sure she said she wanted him to stop?”

Still think the press is fair? Still think Obama is the best man for the job? If so, please refer to blog below entitled “My Dad – Still The Genius.”
Read article in it’s entirety here:

http://newsbusters.org/blogs/warner-todd-huston/2008/09/28/family-told-obama-not-wear-soldier-sons-bracelet-where-media

My Dad - Still the Genius

2008-09-29T11:35:00.004-05:00

I was talking on the phone to my father yesterday, concerning the election and the candidates, the media bias, etc. After watching the debate on Friday night, while I did not think it was a "take away" win for either candidate, I certainly didn't think Obama performed "well."

I asked my Dad, "how in the world are people believing CNN and MSNBC's spin on this? How can anyone just take this spin at face value"

To which my ever brilliant father replied;

"No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American People"

Fine Print in the Democrats "Bailout re-write"

2008-09-26T12:37:00.007-05:00

Is the media going to let this one go too? Are we, the American people, so naive and blind to the actions going on on Capitol Hill that we just accept what we are told?

I'm not one to quote music but I am thinking of John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change"

"When you trust the television,
what you get is what you got,
cause when they own the information,
oh, they can bend it all they want"

WAKE UP!!!

The Democrats coming back with a small "re-write" to Bush's bail out proposal has one tricky little sentence that for some reason, the media seems to be "skimming" over.

“Directs a certain percentage of future profits to the Affordable Housing Fund and the Capital Magnet Fund to meet America’s housing needs.”

What does this mean? What are the democrats trying to pull? well - They want it funneled to left-wing groups like ACORN, under investigation for voter fraud. In the midst of crisis, they still have their slimy hands in the cookie jar that got us here.

ACORN ( The Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now). "They have been caught turning in hundreds of thousands of fake voter registration cards in an effort to stuff ballot boxes with fake voters and pump up Democrat vote totals."

Information found at :http://www.stoptheaclu.com/archives/2008/09/26/dems-bailout-proposal-redirects-paulsons-profits-to-left-wing-groups/

Red (or should I say Pink?) Flag People!!!!

2008-09-25T15:35:00.004-05:00

If I, a 26 year old in Texas, can find all of these FACTS readily available, where the hell is the media? I'll tell you where, they are up Obama's you-know-what.

New article to check out. One of Obama's "bundlers", someone who collects money for his campaign, and a co-founder of the awful "Codepink" raised between $50,000-$100,000 for his campaign. And guess where she was Wednesday night? With the leader of Iran, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, that's where. The woman who said THIS about the 9/11 horrifying attacks ;

Jodie Evans:"We were attacked because we were in Saudi Arabia, that was the message of Osama, was that because we had our bases in the Middle East, he attacked the United States.”

Paul A. Ibbetson: “Do you think that’s a valid argument?”

Evans: “Sure. Why do we have bases in the Middle East? We totally violated the rights of that country. Why do we get to have bases in the Middle East?” Also in that interview, Evans said Code Pink’s goal is to “undermine the war effort (of the United States") and that she wished Saddam Hussein was still in power.

Did I mention Ole Jodie and Obama are "buds" ??

Check out the complete article here

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/260293

Frightening stuff people, frightening stuff.

All you have to do is look...

2008-09-24T16:01:00.003-05:00

I am appalled by the Main Stream Media. I guess they want our country to be in jeopardy, that is, after all, how they will make more money as the people will be more dependent on them. This article scares the crap out of me. It's amazing how people are being flown to Alaska to look under every housemat of Palin's, yet no one is reporting the scary facts that this reporter found in the Ilinois public library. I fear and pray for our great country daily. Entire article here http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122212856075765367.html Here are some excerpts;

Obama and Ayers Pushed Radicalism On Schools
By STANLEY KURTZ

"Despite having authored two autobiographies, Barack Obama has never written about his most important executive experience. From 1995 to 1999, he led an education foundation called the Chicago Annenberg Challenge (CAC), and remained on the board until 2001. The group poured more than $100 million into the hands of community organizers and radical education activists."

"The CAC was the brainchild of Bill Ayers, a founder of the Weather Underground in the 1960s. Among other feats, Mr. Ayers and his cohorts bombed the Pentagon, and he has never expressed regret for his actions. Barack Obama's first run for the Illinois State Senate was launched at a 1995 gathering at Mr. Ayers's home.
The Obama campaign has struggled to downplay that association. Last April, Sen. Obama dismissed Mr. Ayers as just "a guy who lives in my neighborhood," and "not somebody who I exchange ideas with on a regular basis." Yet documents in the CAC archives make clear that Mr. Ayers and Mr. Obama were partners in the CAC. Those archives are housed in the Richard J. Daley Library at the University of Illinois at Chicago and I've recently spent days looking through them."

. Ayers is the founder of the "small schools" movement (heavily funded by CAC), in which individual schools built around specific political themes push students to "confront issues of inequity, war, and violence."

"The Obama campaign has cried foul when Bill Ayers comes up, claiming "guilt by association." Yet the issue here isn't guilt by association; it's guilt by participation. As CAC chairman, Mr. Obama was lending moral and financial support to Mr. Ayers and his radical circle. That is a story even if Mr. Ayers had never planted a single bomb 40 years ago."

Creepy McCreeperson Update

2008-09-22T15:07:00.002-05:00

The super creepy guy… who is .. MY NEIGHBOR (yea..awesome..) has come over twice and knocked on my door. Once within ONE MINUTE (yep 60 seconds) of me arriving home from work. Nothing like being a prisoner in your own home, apparently he has a straight view of my car and sidewalk, fabulous.

Now – I must say I am a little perturbed when I tell people he came to my door.. people who KNOW me, and ask the question “What did he say?” Really people? REALLY?!?! How stupid am I? Well he said that he was just a nice guy and then I invited him in for wine... HELLO!!!!!! I didn’t open the door!! Give me some credit.. I watch Law and Order.

Eventually one of our HOA members went and told him that my (fictional) boyfriend was upset and that he should leave me alone. Apparently creepy guy wanted to apologize to me, to which the HOA member said “I think it’s better if you don’t.”

So I am on Day 3 of no stalker sights or notes and tonight – my neighbor(my friend – not the crazy one) are hanging up some privacy curtains just in time for the new season of Law and Order. There will be no episode based on this true story.

Creepy McCreeperson

2008-09-18T17:23:00.002-05:00

This morning when I arrived at my car I found this note taped to the driver side window along with a long stem red rose. This is a copy, the font was all red with the handwritten portions being in Sharpie.

This is just plain scary. I may have to move. Any advice out there?

I Never thought I'd Say....

2008-09-16T12:15:00.001-05:00

I AGREE with Kid Rock... of all people. But I do, I really do, in this instance. The Hollywood Elite need to shut it or run for office themselves...

"I truly believe that people like myself, who are in a position of entertainers in the limelight, should keep their mouth shut on politics. Because at the end of the day, let me tell you what I 'm good at: I'm good at writing songs and singing. What I'm not educated in is the field of political science. And so for me to be sharing my views and influencing people of who I think they should be voting for … I think would be very irresponsible on my part. So I'll just keep my mouth shut on that. I think celebrity endorsements hurt politicians. Because as soon as somebody comes out for a politician, especially in Hollywood, when they all go, 'I'm voting for this guy!' — I go, 'That's not who I'm voting for!'
- Kid Rock

The Pajama Effect Part 2

2008-09-11T16:36:00.002-05:00

It still haunts me - I thought I had escaped it, but it is still present. (For background please see blog, The Pajama Effect http://senselessjewels.blogspot.com/2008/05/pajama-effect.html)

I was running work errands, one of which requires me to get Starbuck's gift cards. Upon pulling into the parking lot I saw a familiar car.... RIGHT when I walked in the front door... there sat my good looking (actually been downgraded to decent to good looking but for sake of the story.....good looking will work) neighbor. We exchanged the "oh hey how are you" 's that one does and I went about my business.

On the way out I decided to talk about, as I was in my work attire, and for once NOT pajamas!! Wahoo! So after some fun, witty convo I go to walk out the door.....

And push the wrong side... that's right... typically you can't open doors when you push on the side they are freaking hinged to the doorway with...

Oi....

This just in

2008-09-08T16:14:00.003-05:00

It has been confirmed Barbra Streisand will perform at a fundraiser for Obama next week in California...

Reportedly she's opening with "Send In The Clowns"

Friday Night Craziness – and the bruises to prove it

2008-09-08T15:19:00.000-05:00

Friday night was good times. I had some girlfriends over and we began with some wine, vodka, and cheese (aka the essentials). There was typical girl talk, music, etc.

Around 9:30 one of my friends thought it would be a good idea to go just put our feet in the pool… good in premise.. not so good in execution. As we ended up IN the pool, fully clothed, good times however… good times.

After bringing a good amount of the pool back to my condo I showered, and upon getting out made my dismount. That’s right. I flipped my head to put on the towel and continued in a full somersault into the bathtub.

I have a bump on my head along with a bruise or two, and have lost some respect for myself.. but I’d say all in all the somersault was ATLEAST a “9.2”, with room for improvement on the landing.

Politics in the Media

2008-09-03T12:53:00.003-05:00

Never have I been more aware of an election, and I believe the same can be said for a great deal of people in my age group. However, I am frustrated and tired of having to seek the facts and information on my own. What are reporters and the "American Broadcast Networks" for? Apparently they are merely there for personal commentaries and agendas, not to inform the American public. This is why I feel the need to search for the facts in black and white on my own accord.

I enjoy some commentaries, but only when they are addressed as such, and not hidden behind the veil of "breaking news." Gustav is news. The economy is news. Our military in Iraq is news. A 17 year old girl being pregnant that did not ask to be in the spotlight, is not news. People make mistakes, let those that haven't cast the first stone.

I really enjoyed this COMMENTARY I came upon by Peggy Noonan for the Wall Street Journal, favorite quote

"Dig deep into Sarah Palin, get all you can, talk to everybody, get every vote, every quote, tell us of her career and life, she may be the next vice president. But don't play games. And leave her kid alone, bitch."

It explores both sides, and is an enjoyable read.
http://online.wsj.com/article/declarations.html

Not your average TP job...

2008-09-02T16:52:00.006-05:00

I am impressed.

Christina and I were picking her dog up at her parents house and in her neighborhood, came across a great sign that kids today DO in fact finish what they started.

If this isn't completion and follow through I don't' know what is. A definite A for height and amount.

Job well done kids, job well done.

Awww... The Pressure

2008-08-29T17:05:00.004-05:00

Never do I feel more pressure to be funny than when in the company of a child. Back in the day (which was a TUESday by the way...jk), I was a nanny. I remember one of the kids trying to upset me by telling me about their other babysitter. I was told "she's prettier than you", "she's cooler than you", and I just smiled and nodded. Then came the kicker "she's funnier than you."

WHOA. Ouch.

I love laughing with kids and making them laugh... with no other audience can you make such a large fool of yourself without the repercussions.

I recently had lunch with one of my dear friends and her son on her birthday. I love Zachary... not only because he's a great kid, but also because he informed me on Tuesday that "you're not old." Truer words have never been spoken. After his initial request that I draw with him... which resulted in his disappointment... as I am a horrid failure, he accepted my suggestion instead...

what do we do?... we Bust A Move.

Seattle Day 4

2008-08-18T16:09:00.004-05:00

Day 4 began with a little thing we all know as a hangover. Once again Emily and I woke up early to get our free breakfast on and catch a peek or two of the Olympics. We both got our food and coffee and sat at a table in our sweats and flip-flops. (Please do note I said sweats…. In August…) Emily is talking away and looks at me smiling and says “Can you be a little more perky?”

To which my hungover grumpy self replied “can you be LESS.” And well, that was the end of our breakfast conversation.

After a much needed nap we walked the Redmond Farmer’s Market across from our hotel then met some others of the wedding party for their lunch. Then it was time to get ready for the big day. Michelle (not the bride, but one of her bridesmaids) offered to do my eye make up so I went to their room. After she was done I looked in the mirror and almost passed out. For those of you who know me I don’t wear an incredible amount of make up so this was a huge change, but it looked great and I owe her one! I LOVED the other bridesmaids, how could I not? We all have a great girl in common!

We then proceeded to the location to drink some champagne mid-afternoon. (Oh, and to help the bride get ready..haha). Michelle looked more radiant than I had ever seen her, and calmer too which I am impressed with. Then it was downstairs to take all the pictures. Now, I have never been in a wedding before so it felt very surreal to me. Seriously, it’s exactly like the movies. Exactly. More fun though =).

Of course, this being Seattle, it starts drizzling as we all walk down the aisle. Mid ceremony we are in a full fledged downpour which you could not help but laugh at. Besides, rain at weddings = good luck! I wish I remembered more of the ceremony – I remember hearing the tears in Michelle’s voice as she said her vows, and I didn’t know if I myself was crying or it was the rain! It was followed by some wonderful food and wine via the reception… of course the groomsmen ran off to buy hard liquor and Jack in the Box (picky eaters those boys), so until caught, the wedding party had a hide out with the vodka!

As Michelle and Evan were going to go off to their hotel for the night, the remaining party went back to the hotel, changed, and then hit up a local dive bar. If any of you know me, you know that I always adamantly refuse karaoke and do not participate. Usually my reply to you is “you can not possibly imagine.” Well now, fortunately or unfortunately.. I am not sure, I have photo proof. This my friends, is why I do not do karaoke. Because I’m so awesome I tend to make the other people look silly of course.

Let this photo pose as a lesson to you all. Although it is 1am at your current location, it is still 3am to your body… and you have been drinking starting with champagne at 3pm. People have cameras. You will not remember this in the morning. Aw forget it… VACATION!

And here is the karaoke group that closed down the bar… and by closed down I mean we were basically the only people there in the first place.

Best vacation I have had that I can recall.. and the best and most touching weekend to be a part of with a lifelong friend =)

Over a week later I present.... Seattle Day 3

2008-08-18T15:42:00.003-05:00

My life has been a rollercoaster of craziness since returning from Washington, I haven’t been able to pause to wrap my head around it let along blog much. Seattle was such an amazing trip though, I couldn’t not fill you in on the remaining days!

Friday, the 8th, we woke up early to get at the Continental breakfast and get back to bed. Our new friends Flavia, Megan and Kristen were nice enough to invite us along with them to see the Chateau Ste Michelle Winery that was actually very near our hotel. We did a tasting of 4 great wines…

Then took a short tour of the winery with the bottling and fermentation process, followed by another tasting! Wahoo!

The ladies and I then all proceeded to walk a ½ mile to the Red Hook Brewery. The tour wasn’t starting yet but we did partake in the 6 beer sampling they offered in the restaurant. Yummy! Emily and I then took a cab back to the hotel to get ready for the rehearsal dinner.

The rehearsal dinner was lots of fun with some great food in a great family friend of the groom’s backyard. It was beautiful, it’s hard not to fall in love with Seattle in the summer! Michelle presented her bridal party with Tiffany’s stem less wine glasses and a bottle of red (the woman knows me). There was lots of crying.. oh and Michelle got emotional too! (What can I say I was happy for her).

We then proceeded back to the groom’s family home and wedding location for some pre-wedding beer pong. And … true story, I had never played. First time… pretty tipsy.. please recall my day.. winery, brewery, open bar rehearsal dinner, beer pong… and on another time zone… it’s amazing I did it at all. However let me say… good game, everyone’s a winner. Oh and there was also a rousing round of “Flippy Cup” before we all called it a night. Good Night Seattle!

Good thing they are cute...

2008-08-13T16:24:00.003-05:00

Ok the pups... Wilson has very little hair on his back legs and its been that way for awhile. I was hoping it was our short fight with fleas 6 weeks or so ago. I had them both at my parents in Dallas when I was in Seattle, when I got back Sunday (we flew in and out of DFW) I picked them up and drove back. Gracie threw up on the way back but I thought it was just car sickness. The next morning there was poop... if you can call it that.. EVERYWHERE... from both of them. Yuck. I took their food away, it continued ALL Day yesterday. So I took them to the VCA over here yesterday evening.

Wilson has a staph infection on his back legs so they had to give him a steroids shot. He and Gracie he BELIEVES both have a bacterial infection (which is what I thought), Gracie's is more advanced. She was dehydrated and lethargic so they had to give her fluids. Then they gave her a shot for nausea so she could actually keep down the medicine he was going to give her. So he gave them a liquid I have to give them via syringe for 5 days each dog, and pills I have to shove down their throat... 2 different ones for each dog daily. Plus I had to go buy pepto and imodiom ad to give them and a special expensive shampoo for Wilson. And they couldn't eat until today. When they could only have white rice and ground turkey or beef.

$480 later... they seem to be better.. there was no poop on the floor when I went home for lunch, and I used my lunch hour to COOK my dogs HOT lunch before proceeding to rush to make myself a quick sandwich to bring back to the office and eat at my desk.....

For the love of the dogs.....

Seattle Day 2

2008-08-08T13:33:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we woke up to a view of the space needle and a beautiful 60 degrees. As Emily and I drank our coffee, ate our room service in bed, and shared the Seattle paper all we were thinking about the other was "this would be so much better if you were a dude."

We sat outside to be picked up and met two gentleman from Houston. Evan, Michelle and Naama arrived and we went to Pacific Place. From there we met all their Vegas friends who are fabulous.

We went to the famous Pike Place market for lunch... Some of the ladies met and got pictures with Gavin Rossdale. We then took the Bainbridge Ferry which was beautiful. There was some rocky water and Michelle and I were walking in zig zags.

After that all 15 of us walked to Safeco Stadium and watched the Seattle Mariners beat the Rays. All in sweaters... Beautiul weather. After checking into our next hotel we went with four of our new friends from Vegas to a local bar we could walk to. All ending at 130am Seattle time.

Today is day 3, more friends more fun!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Seattle arrival

2008-08-07T02:19:00.000-05:00

Em and I arrived in Seattle at 10pm and upon getting to our hotel were told they were overbooked. They then drove us to a downtown hotel ON THEM called Hotel Max. This hotel requires a key to get on the elevator and has a secret entrance to the Red Fin sushi restaurant and bar. The salmon roll melts in your mouth and our room is so "hip" it's insane. The view from our room is centered on the infamous space needle. There are pictures of body parts on the door... Don't bring kids here... Currently Em and I are sitting outside eating sushi and drinking wine admiring downtown... And it's after 2am our time.

Did I mention we're sitting outside at its 72 degrees??

I love vacation.

End

And it keeps on coming.....

2008-08-05T15:35:00.004-05:00

So… while most of you got a kick out of it, apparently not everyone was a fan of last weeks blog. I received an anonymous text message today (mind you it’s not necessarily anonymous but I have deleted particular numbers from my phone and blocked a few email addresses from being able to reach me, as there is no need for them to.) The message stated

“You are one low class B (I will be a lady here and spare you the language) talking S about me and you don’t even know me.”

Now for the last time I will address this. First of all, no names are mentioned, if you see yourself in my own life lessons, learn from them and carry on. Second, I did not state anything that I did not witness; we should all laugh about this. I have done many ridiculous things in my day, many are documented here and there are more to come, no need for hatred or being crass.. And finally… in your best valley girl voice please repeat after me “That was SOOOOO five days ago.”

Moving on, I have had two dates with a nice guy these past few days. We’re talking paying, making plans, opening doors, etc… however I’m not sure what I think just yet… keeping the options out there. I’m still young, plenty of time.

Michelle, Emily and I have 3rd row tickets to see So You Think You Can Dance... things that are awesome.

Tomorrow I am leaving for Seattle, WA. It will be my first vacation in almost a year and I am VERY excited. One of my best friends is getting married and I intend to be a full fledged tourist in the days leading up to the wedding. I will try to attach a photo or two while I’m there, time permitting. I am also issuing an apology for any late night texts that may occur. Yesterday in Texas the heat index was 108, the high in Seattle today… 85, I’d be jealous too.

Today is my dogs 6th birthday! Yes I’m that girl, and I’m not ashamed. The more boys I meet the more I love my dogs. Happy Birthday Gracie!

I feel I should close with the photo of some recent good times. Friday I had some people over, the theme was "cheese is the beginning" for food options and “here’s vodka, find a mixer” for drinks, and it was fabulously good times. All week I had been saying “Friday, I’m doing a cannonball” so I feel that it is only necessary to share the fun photo. Good times at the pool… Or shall I say to those that comprehend…

“SHUTTIN IT DOOOOWWWWNNNN”

Some random additions to my life's knowledge.

2008-07-30T12:43:00.003-05:00

I have had a rather educational month involving some new and past people that I encountered. While spending the last couple of days forwarding emails and chains with co-workers and friends there are some things that we have determined.

-Twang = low class.
I was telling the President of our company a story from my recent trip that involved “Twang” and while she was laughing, she had no idea what it was (as I didn’t either previously). She later came out of her office and laughing reported “I just googled Twang, that is scary”. We then had a good laugh at the merchandise. Bored today? Google it…. Worth it.

- “That’s why I carry a knife.” Is a phrase you do not want to hear from the girl who is driving you around. Ever.

- There is an unimaginable amount of sexual references and gestures that can be made while cooking out. I will never look at condiments the same again.

Be cautious when the person you are with is so inconsiderate, that the mere offer of a tv tray in thoughtfulness makes even the most unworthy of candidates suddenly become mildly appealing. Remind yourself that “better than” is not equal to “good enough”.

There is actually a person out there that is perfectly happy being a permanent third wheel. And the other two wheels are ok as well…. Friends and I have continuously debated the Freudian possibilities of this one.

My friends are fabulous, hilarious, and so supportive. This forum does not have the room for all the encouraging words I have received over the last few days. I literally called atleast 10 of them on my drive home to tell them how much I appreciated them. I am sad for people who do not know real friendship.

It is possible for an individual to be SO incredibly CLOSED minded they actually think they are open minded. This is true, and rather frightening.

Christina wins with one of the best lines ever “You’ve seen his cards, and they suck.” And then there is the example of reassuring…
“He knows that he is out of his league when it comes to you, and it scares him so he is avoiding the whole situation. He KNOWS he messed up and he just can't do the right thing. He just isn't mature enough to deal with it. Unfortunately.

This is a reflection on him and his inability, not you
He has no idea how much entertainment we have had at his expense. Priceless!”

It is rather nice when you know you are correct in manners. I have not found one person, stranger or friend who disagrees with me here. Leaving right before your guest arrives is rude, and I have never had so many people tell me so. However as Shawn pointed out, it would have been ruder to say “oh and could you start dinner when you arrive?”

And most importantly – I have learned my tolerance for crass and juvenile people is a combined total of 2.50 days. That is when you must provide straight tequila.

Trust me – Google Twang.

Wow... really?!

2008-07-28T16:25:00.002-05:00

So last week I was fortunate enough to discover one of the benefits of home ownership. I had an air conditioning leak that resulted in a waterfall in my closet. These are the times when you wish you rented and could just call the landlord. Fortunately I have a home warranty (thank you JP.. love you) - so it was covered. There was a pipe problem so a plumber was supposed to contact me. Today I get this phone call from my home warranty company..

Man : "Good Afternoon Ma'am this is _______ from your home warranty company, I was following up to make sure your plumbing issue was taken care of"

Me : "Actually no one has called me about that."

Man: "Really? Well let me see, ______ was supposed to call you but it looks like they have the incorrect number. They have a 222-333-4444, what is your actual phone number?"

To which the only thing I could do was reply....

"The one you just called me on."

So sir....as Bill Engvall would say.... Here's your Sign.

20 vs 26

2008-07-09T10:51:00.003-05:00

I am not sure when it happened, it just crept up on me. I didn't see it coming, there was no warning and BAM - I'm old.

When I was 20 years old (we'll go with 21 for legal standings) I knew where the specials were at bars for EVERY SINGLE night of the week. My life was school and work during the day, a nap, and a bar at night until it closed. I could pre party, party, and after party with the best of them.

No more.

I don't know if its having a full time job, having full adult responsibilities, or my liver being beaten in years previous, but I am no longer in the glory days folks.

For proof, this is me at 2am after a night out. A night out that started at 10pm. This is me, the girl who used to party until 4am. 20 vs 26 = BIG difference.

My Dad - the Genius

2008-06-20T15:58:00.003-05:00

This past weekend I went home to visit my family for Father's Day. Saturday night I was sitting down reading a book, watching tv in the living room, when my limping father came in. I asked him what happened, to which he replied he had stepped in a hole in the yard and twisted his foot. He then sat down in the chair next to me and we ended up watching "Blazing Saddles" from about thirty minutes in.

Throughout the movie, Dad would get up to go to the garage fridge to grab himself a Lone Star. (Yep, Lone Star, it's my dad's caviar and you can not convince him otherwise). Each time he got up he limp became worse and it became gradually more difficult for him to put weight on it. By the end of the movie we had pulled the old crutches out of the closet for him.
As the night progressed we moved on to watch "Josey Wales" starring Clint Eastwood. Now, I love my father and for him, I sat through this movie, that is what happens with love and Father's Day.

My best friend in the world, Becki, came over mid-movie (praise her) to visit. Now, my parents LOVE Becki, sometimes I think even more than me, so it was a fun visit for us all. Dad asked me to get him another beer, but I got distracted talking. I turn around and my dad is hobbling his way on his crutches to the garage fridge.

I said

"Dad, how can you carry a beer AND use those crutches"

To which my father replies

"Because I have FOUR pockets."

He's a wise man my father............ a wise, wise man.

Wilson and Gracie vs The Economy

2008-06-12T13:40:00.008-05:00

In the Dimoff household we are fairly conservative with our money. I have slowly but surely been working my way completely out of credit card debt. I try not to to overindulge at the grocery store as I would end up throwing half of it out anyway. That is just what happens when there is just one person and two small dogs in a household.

In the Dimoff household, we take equal responsibility in surviving the down turning economy. Gracie and Wilson take their part very seriously. Here is Gracie hard at work.

She is the brains of the operation, if any of you know Wilson, you shall understand. I like to refer to him as the reason for the need for such an operation. To his credit, he does not disturb Gracie when she is in "the zone."

As they live rent free, enjoying the many perks of my labor, I feel it is only fair for them to have a task to fulfill their day, and procure our future.

Another days work completed.

For those of you that laugh, come knocking on my door when you run out of pet food, at our inflated special rate of course. Gracie/Wilson Chow is the wave of the future, and the family is ready for the economy. Not putting your dogs to work??? I pity the fool....

Just Doing My Part For The Next Girl

2008-06-03T17:22:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I have been out with, we’ll call him “No #1”, twice. If you can even call it out. The first time involved lots of margaritas and a Spurs game. The second time I was out with Joy and Emily after Joy’s very bad day and he joined. Over these two “evenings” he shared that he is over $15,000 in debt. So really, if he pays for my drink, I feel guilty AND think
to myself “If this works out in the long run I will be paying for this drink plus a minimum of 9.99% interest”

He’s a last minute kind of guy. This means, he asks what I am doing THAT DAY, never any further in the future. Today I received this email.

From “No #1” How is your day treating you? YOu have anything going on tonight?

**NOTE** I opted not to change spelling or incorrect capitalization.

My reply
Busy! You? Tonight I have my friends bridal fitting. Exciting I know. Don't be jealous.
**NOTE** This is a lie. I am not good at turning people down.

From “No #1”
The day is moving along now... Just finishing up with a submittal. I actually have a free night so I was going to see if you wanted to get together....

**NOTE** He is obviously skilled in making a girl feel special.

My reply
Sorry! I tend to be pretty popular.

**NOTE** No apology or “another night?” gratuity here.

From “No #1”
When is your next free day ohhh popular one?

My reply
it is always at least two days later than the current day…

I have not heard back from him since. I’m curious, do you guys think he’s offended or just doesn’t get it? Either way, I think that finally capped off “No #1”, hopefully with a lesson learned.

Your welcome “No #1’s” girl of the future, you are welcome.

Another weekend, another $300

2008-06-01T18:10:00.003-05:00

Who doesn't look forward to the weekend!?!? Well.. probably people that work on the weekends, but I digress, I had a good weekend.

Friday night my friend Emily and I went out, followed by some late night drinking and old school Nintendo with Christina making it a party of three. C and I drank WAY too much vodka, Emily... paced herself. Not as fun, but definitely more rewarding the next day. Saturday night I went out as well and had some great times with friends. Sunday is where things got interesting.

I was taking out Wilson and Gracie around 9:15 am, I barely round the corner and there are two men in each other's faces with a bunch of "What the F dude" and "F you.. you better back the F up bro". Really people, is there NOTHING else to say in the prelude to a fight? It's so repetitive and really kills the entertainment value. How about getting creative? Using some new four letter words or something besides dude or "bro"? As I am in my shorts and t-shirt (pj's) I go back in and call my neighbor Christina and she comes down, we walk our dogs together by the guys so we can eavesdrop. Soon there are more guys outside and the police are called. (And arrive within 2 minutes for which I give them kudos). Two men and a girl walk by and say they were kept up at 4:30 am with the fighting and apparently some guy got his arm broken. They had attended a party at our complex and their ride home left them. So there is that drama.... however, the good news is, one of said men who were filling us in... C.U.T.E. And I THINK he lives in my building. Since good looking neighbor #1 now has a live in girlfriend, I am ecstatic to have a good looking neighbor #2 to strut by on occasion :) Awesome. Christina and I then went up to her place to watch from her patio which overlooked the action. Another cop arrived to which Christina says "We Live in a DUMP". Which is only funny because we live in one of the safest zip codes in the city. We also noticed the cop was QUITE attractive. Hence the pajama effect, back in full force.

Later on that day I was running errands, you know, grocery store, Linens and Things, (Home Depot if I had the time...ha). At the grocery store the checker was ringing up my wine and looks at me, then says

"I need to see your Vroom Vroom license" COMPLETE with driving hand gestures. While new and unheard before, still completely lame.

At the end of the day, I had brought my weekend total spending to $300, and made myself feel older than ever. Why you ask?

Because I am super excited about a purchase. The purchase of my new DUST BUSTER...

Yep, pre order the cane and dentures people, I'm on my way to senior discounts.